hYde

全家福

2012-01-27T01:22:00.000+07:00

每次看到全家福的时候，我通常都会瞪着它，很久很久。看清楚每个人的样子，胖了吗？有新成员了吗？发型变了吗？高了吗？有时候还真怕我路上看到远亲也认不出了。香港连续剧特别喜欢说家。家要整整齐齐。家要和和气气。我的家，不算差，没有破裂，没有什么大争执。偶尔的吵架，也是每一家都有的家常便饭。虽然说话有时候有点大声，可是还是回到原点。和爸妈弟妹的感情不错。可是说到远亲，我好像没有很熟也。

说真的，要我一一说出舅舅叔叔的工作，我真的不行。要说表姐表妹的名字，我更不行。小时候和外婆家的孩子，还能玩成一块儿，也有些交情。不知道为什么做小孩子，交朋友总是特别容易。现在的话题，算了，我也不太知道要说些什么好。总是觉得每个人都在晒命。奶奶家，更不用说了。以前小时候不会说槟城福建，他们又不太会说华语。用手语沟通，用表情沟通，好像真的有点难。索性躲在一个角落，和弟弟一起搞自闭。现在回想起，还真可惜，到现在他们叫什么名字我不知道，连称呼我也不会。

看到奶奶的全家福。奶奶好像和我想象的样子，不一样了。她几时变到那么瘦？我，好像超过五年没看到她的样子了。她老人家其实还记得我的存在的吗？给我看到她，我其实也不知道要说什么好。沟通不到。可是，她毕竟是我奶奶也。怎么老得这么快呀？

有时候真不敢想象，和我无话不谈的弟弟，十年后的今天，他的孩子，会不会连我是谁都不知道？

我喜欢全家福，有没有这个机会拍一张全家出席的全家福呢？

26.1.12

2012-01-27T00:18:00.001+07:00

今天的考卷，我做得特别高兴。不知道因为它是最后一张，还是相比之下，它出奇不会不简单（不敢说得太嚣张）。哈哈。还是我有史以来做得最不伤脑筋的一次。回顾以往的执著和奋斗，我突然感慨今天终于到了。可是手头上还是很多放不下的工作。不管了。我又不是牛，还是先休息一天。无所事事的感觉。哈哈哈。太好了。也不想出去。下午窝在朋友的家里，现在窝在自己的家里。就这样，什么都不要想的感觉，一级棒。我可不是天天有这样的机会噢。就，忙的时候总是希望自己可以做这个，做那个。可是空闲的时候，其实，最常做得就是什么都不想做。

最后的冲刺

2012-01-14T18:29:00.002+07:00

这是最后一个学期。不是，是最后一个必须到课堂上课的学期。过了这个学期，我的病人就胜任为我的老师。怎么也想象不到，我必须穿上白袍到医院去了。其实对自己，超级没有信心。要我面对病人，我恐怕自己成为有牌杀手。

最后一个学期。有那种，就拼到底的动力。反正只剩下一个月，不拼白不拼，一个月的努力，算不了什么。看着自己的成绩。3.49。就差那0.02，拿到那狗屁cumlaude，还真不容易。想在拿文凭的时候，看到爸妈以我为荣的样子，这样就够了。只差那0.02，怎样也不能现在放弃。说什么都好，反正一个好医生，真的不是用成绩可以衡量出来。

最近就是忙。赶thesis，赶seminar，赶考试，赶OSCE Compre。歇息的时间减半。有六个小时的睡眠，对我来说，够多了。像今天那样，我批自己半天假，睡足八小时，加午睡补眠，简直就是天赐良机。未来的几个星期，还有好多要赶。爸爸为我买了一趟到巴厘岛度假的机票，连酒店都订了。这次，说什么都不许从考。一定要统统过关。

农历新年撞上文考。迎接考试后遗症的，是更多的考试。整一个月的新年，不能回家，有够纳闷的咯。

又来想

2012-01-01T17:36:00.000+07:00

我对人有种特别的兴趣。复杂、以自己为中心，却有淡淡的、有时几乎看不见的真与善，就是他们所说的人性。做人这么久了，有时我却连自己也搞不懂自己。连自己也觉得自己太复杂。贪心的想要把所有的旅程都记录下来，才发现，不是所有的东西，都能用字来形容。更不是所有东西，都能用词来描绘。科学家声称的脑袋、佛教徒声称的力量、基督教徒声称的灵魂，能在无形无色变动，比任何物体还来得虚幻。不真实，却实实在在的存在。感情、想法、思维，不管如何固体化、真实化，都似乎微微不一样。在千变万化的人性、思维，互相交叉、互相起作用，摩擦了再摩擦，形成如此的自己。这样子总结我的摸索，也许就是最接近我的想法的结论。

其实我倒可以完全不理会什么人性，什么因缘，什么理论，什么推断。。。按着自己的脚步，走完我的人生。我也不能理解自己的好奇。如此的折磨自己，我也不能理解自己的所做所为。想要把所有的所有，找个原因、找个东西来相信。到头来不管自己信什么，在一时之间，干脆算了，反正不管想什么，到头来，也只不过是个‘想’字。想为伤心找个具体的解药，为寂寞找个具体的方案，却连源头为何物，都似乎搞不懂。什么东西如此威力，控制了我的感觉，我的思维？不起眼的神经递质么？还是虚幻的灵魂？

说也奇怪，我对这有兴趣多过2012是否是结尾。新年快乐。

写不完的旅程

2012-01-01T13:23:00.001+07:00

如何在愤怒的眼神里找出失去的信任？人非草木，我非圣贤。有时候，多希望是是非非随风而去，等的却是失望的岁月流失。最后的旅程，写不下了。好的坏的，随岁月吞噬不见。唯剩下的是默默地祝福。写作也归因缘。也许在某月某日，深藏的记忆随机缘浮现的时候，就会从键盘大到银幕上了。

IAMsterdam

2011-07-31T11:04:00.001+07:00

We wondered in Damrak very long. The address from the internet was not helpful. First look at Amsterdam was an eye opener. Sex museum, sex shop, people dress in costume and the crowd decorated Damrak Street. Typical. But, where the heck is Shelter City?!

I grew blisters on my palm, carrying the luggage, finding my hostel. Luckily people were quite helpful in directing me, some too helpful that they tried even when they had no idea, which leads me further. -.- And finally I found my hostel! I am very grateful to find that they gave me a two people room instead of a four that I booked earlier. A Christian hostel in the middle of red light district, I reckoned it to be quite safe. But of course, the noise is unbelievable at night. But other than that, not a bad choice though.

Amsterdam was actually breath-taking, with the canals and scent of cannabis on the street. I have to say that the scenery in the morning and the scenery at night is totally a different world all over. We stayed two nights in Amsterdam. But the weather was so cold that I caught flu the second day. Yanyi even fall with fever. So our travel was mostly just leisure walk around the town. And of course, we visited two coffee shops, tried their special tea, and scan through red light district at night. First time saw “Barbee dolls” in the window which move. Amsterdam is alive at night and dead in the morning. The only city where drugs and prostitution are made legalized.

Quiet Morning in Damrak

even birds came out this hour

We went Anne Frank Huis early morning, so we kinda skipped the que as only old people woke up in the morning. The house was quite big, considering that it was a hide-out place. But still, I couldn’t help admiring the girl mature thinking. My interest in Nazi grew. I think I would like to visit Germany’s Nazi Camp one day.

The rest of the trip, we just walk around. Heineken Experience was quite expensive, so we dint enter the building, same goes to Van Gogh Museum. One thing about Amsterdam, everything needs money.

Flower Market

I AMsterdam

We had a hostel night in the hostel the first night we arrived. We met a few people. There is one pair of sister from Ireland, if I am not mistaken, who talked to us a lot, and told us to buy the iAmsterdam tickets, which will makes all the museum free of charge. But too bad yanyi and I were not so interest in Museums in Amsterdam. Oh, we also met a girl named Kim near Van Gogh Museum. She is currently working in Dublin, and she stayed in Sabah for quite some time before migrated to the US. And it was such a coincident that she also stayed in Shelter City, which is just next door to ours. She came visit us the night, and chat with us. Nice to meet someone, but too bad we dint remember to take a photo together.

Another thing I regretted. We miscalculate the time we arrive at Amsterdam, and missed the chance to go Akmaar which has a cheese Market every Friday Morning. Also, we SHOULD go Zaanse Schans to see the Windmill. Oh did I mention that the cheese in Amsterdam was nice? Well, indeed.

Belgium

2011-07-29T15:48:00.000+07:00

We met a guy with two kids on the bicycles outside the train station. He taught us how the metro actually works in Belgium, and also some culture difference in Belgium. He also told us that Belgium had no government for a certain period already. Luckily we met him, or we will be staring half an hour at the maps.

The hotel we stayed was not that bad, except that it was a bit old. The lift had a door which moves down as the lift goes up. First time I saw this. We had our private toilet too. Oh it was Hotel Manhattan by the way. Belgium, the city of chocolates, wafers and beers. But the chocolates we brought home after a month, they melt as we dint put them in the fridge for more than one month.

Belgium Beer

So, we had only one day in Belgium, and we went to Atomium, which was build for an expo and the symbol of Belgium. It was quite far, so we took a metro there. The thing is, we were not really sure how the metro works, and we can actually walk through the gate without paying anything, board the train, and reach our destination. What the hell…. Certain stations have gates which disallow you to pass without tickets, but certain stations actually allow you to walk through. Or maybe the gate malfunctions. By anyway, Atomium is kinda a huge atom, but there is nothing but expo inside. We figured that since we were there already, so we went in to have a look.

Atomium

Then we went walking around the city center, went to Royal Palais, Grand Place, St Micheal and St Gudula Catedral and other site seeing. Manneken Pis, which represent Brussel, is actually a very small sculpture, with a huge crowd surrounding it at the corner of the street. So, this was that little boy who urinate at the fuse to save the city.

Royal Palais

Interior of the palais

Grand Place

Manneken Pis

25-27 August London Trip

2011-07-27T15:32:00.001+07:00

I’ll conclude London as construction city. Everything, from the train station to Trafalgar Square was under construction to welcome Olympic. And of course, London is full of immigrants. Bangladesh mostly. I guess I see Kebab shops more often than I see British Traditional Food (if there is any).

We stayed at Hyde Park Hostel for four nights, welcomed by an unfriendly receptionist who changed our rooms from 10 people dorm to 4 people dorm. Well, it favors us, but we had to pay the extra charges of course. And there is no lift. The first day I reach London, luckily I met a guy who was reading at the stairs, and was nice enough to carry my luggage up.

First day, we actually walked. Yup. We walked. We walked from Hyde Park to Albert Memorial, Harrods, Wellington Arch, Buckingham Palace, Westmister Abbey, Big Ben, London Eye, Downing Street, Trafalgar Square, Piccadily, and from there, walked all the way back again. LOL. Judging on the distance I walk in my trip, I wonder why I bought myself a scooter to go to campus.

Nothing special actually. We saw lots of dogs in Hyde Park and also the Diana Memorial Fountain nearby. European really likes Parks, don’t they?

Diana Memorial Fountain

We walked around Harrods, not shopping, but just thought that since the Queen shops here, we can have a look. We also manage to see the Changing of Guard in Buckingham Palace. And I met a China Boy who speak a nice British Accent English (at least better than other china men). He told me that he studied in London, and had plenty of chances watching this, so he let us squeeze in his place (a better view of the guards).

Changing of Guard

Look at the crowd outside Buckingham Palace

Westmister Abbey

London Telephone Booth

Horse Guard

We took some photos around, and walked to Trafalgar Square. The countdown was there, but the rest of it was under constructions.

Olympic Countdown

Trafalgar Square

Piccadily

Then we walked around china town at night, and headed home. Oh ya, we went Malaysian Hall too. LOL. Nasi Lemak charged in Euro. What a price.

The next day, we bought Oyster Cards which makes our journey easier. We went Madame Tussaud but due to the line outside, we decided not to go. Then we went London tower, tower bridge, St Paul Catedrals, and do shopping the rest of the days.

Tower Bridge

Certain things are relatively cheap. For example, we noticed they carry books around wherever they go. And books have discounts everywhere. And some cloths had summer discounts too. We wanted to go British Museum, but it was close when we reached thereAt night, we took some night scene photos, which worth it. You must see Big Ben at night. The good thing about Oyster Card, after a certain number of trips, the rest of it, is free.

Big Ben

Last day in London, we walked to Kensington Palace, which was under construction.

Kensington Palace

We walked around Hyde Park, had our English Breakfast, and head to St Pancras International Train Station. Lucky us we saw the platform 9 and ¾. Hahaha…. JK Rowling sure is much loved in London.

Looking forward for Olympic Game in London

This is the first time I sat an undersea train. But I don’t really feel a thing, just like the underground train, plus a little pressure in the ear. Goodbye London. Goodbye Ge An and Leon.

Bath and Stonehenge, UK

2011-07-24T23:52:00.000+07:00

When we bathed at night, we saw no one, when we bathed in the morning, again, no one. I wondered whether people in the hostel actually bathe. When we woke up in the morning, the other dorm mates were sleeping, I guess half drunk. The streets were relatively quiet. We can even stand in the middle of the roads without honks. A bit cloudy that day, and some drizzling.

Bath Abbey

Roman Baths- Roman built religious spa using hot mineral water.

This is me, with a men dressing up like old times.

We had our audio guide at the entrance, so it was not that hard to understand. Roman baths was a place where people from all walks of life gather and had their activities there. Priests, traders, etc. Hot Spring was thought to be something from God, a holy place. And there is a lake or something, where people from old times throw curses when their goats or belonging got stolen.

We also had some spring water to drink in the Pump Room. Yucks. It smells of sulphur!

After we visited the Roman Bath, we caught a train to Salisbury. From Salisbury, we then caught a bus tour to Stonehenge. And we actually carried our huge luggage and backpacks along. Worse when we took a long walk to the station. Haha. Tiring journey.

The bus tour did explain what we see on our way to Stonehenge. We passed by farms, huge piece of green deserted land and some houses. But I don’t really catch the explanation actually.

Stonehenge was crowded with people. Come to think of it, mankinds are actually attracted to pieces of purposeless rocks, just because they are mysteriously placed in the middle of green land. They are just rocks you know. And with these few pieces of rocks, so many myths formed, which is why it became famous I guess.

We followed the crowd and circled the stones. But half way, we sat down and press the button on our audio guide. It is a good idea to listen to the whole thing first before you continue walking if you are actually carrying huge backpacks like us. LOL.

The bus took us back to Salisbury, from there, we then took a train to London.

Singapore-Malaysia-London-Bath

2011-07-23T23:59:00.000+07:00

We waved goodbye to our parents in Changi Airport. Overflowed with stories about pickpockets and syndicates everywhere, I unchained my paranoid, wondering why I choose to travel so far for student exchange programme instead of sleeping through my holidays.

We both stared blankly at the departure hall, thinking of the same thing, HOME.

The journey was 12 hours, not including the transit from Changi to KLIA. The thing is, flying from Changi Airport to London is actually cheaper than flying from KLIA, even though we still transit in KLIA. MAS airline wasn’t really that bad. We were served with food quite frequently, so we don’t actually feel the length of the flight. And with a small TV at the back of the seat in front of me, I don’t actually feel bored. Sleep, awake, watch, eat, sleep. Time passed by real fast and we reached Heathrow at 4pm London time in the afternoon, adjusted 7 hours of GMT.

We walked from terminal T4 to the bus terminal to take our bus (national express) to bath. Well, I actually over estimate the time we reach airport, so, we had extra time wandering around the airport. The bus took of quite on time, so we left to Bath that evening.

When we reached Bath, it was really cold. No, it was extremely cold! The four of us, Me, yy, Leon and Ge an, stayed together in Bath Backpackers in a 10 people mix dorm. The receptionist was really nice and friendly, and he even carried my luggage up to third floor. Oh, this hostel got no lift, so, it is a little inconvenient to carry the luggage up, also, the rooms were quite small, and the toilet is like quite far away. But, luckily the people there are quite friendly, and we were allowed to leave our bags there after we checked out.

We had some night walk. Bath at night was beautiful, coupled with cold air, splendid. We met a guy, with a penis-shaped-balloon. He approached us, asking where we from, and showed us his balloons happily. He even took photos with us. And he described Malaysia as a country with lots of skyscrapers! Haha. Other than that, we saw a numbers of drunken people wandering off the street, gangs of youngsters dressing up for pubs and clubs. Not something that you can see in Malaysia I guess.

Puskesmas Practice

2011-04-23T15:57:00.000+07:00

Student life is when u waste a lot of time doing something you think is useless. Working life is when you waste a lot of time thinking you should have learned that better. Life has been pretty much the same, except that I have a lot of thing to say, but no one to listen. And of course, I hardly find time to tell blogger that, so hYde had been abandon for some time now. And what makes me wanted to write something here? Good question. I don’t know.

Well. Lately, I have to go to Puskesmas every week. Puskesmas is something you called clinic, I supposed. And what I did there is to observe and learn, and of course assist if I can and perform if I am lucky. Too bad, luck was never with me. Our competency is to perform simple procedures like injection, which I believe most of my batch mates have tried. But, so far what I did most is to anamnesis patients, mostly cough and common cold, or vertigo, just because the doctors never fail to refer the patients to a bigger hospital due to lack of facilities (or facilities that serve more of a white elephant). Some patients even walk in and said all they wanted are MCs.

But today, I followed the POSYANDU. POSYANDU is a service, where they bring the clinic to you. An ambulance, fetching a few nurses and medical aids, will visit certain area at certain time, to provide medical care for the community there. So, me and Vicky sat the ambulance, and visited a village not too far from the puskesmas.

What happens was, they were having this “old folk clinic anniversary”, so there were singing and ceremony going on. And of course, we were invited to sit in the front row, and served with porridge. GOODNESS, a HUGE bowl of porridge. I haven’t been touching porridge since don’t know when, but to express gratitude, I actually ate them.

And the old folk spoke Jawa. So, what happen was, I had a huge difficulties communicating with them. I felt like I am a duck, talking, coz they can’t understand me. I am soooo blur that I dint fill in their blood pressure in their forms. I just told them their blood pressure, and 10 minutes later, 6 of them came to me asking what were their BPs. I stunned, and trying to ask them what I told them just now. They can’t understand or can’t remember, I don’t know. But I know that I was pretty helpless. And Vicky trying to help me, but his patient told him “biarkan mbak itu, ambil tensi saya dulu. (leave her alone and take my pressure first)” =.= So, in the end I retake them. Thanks to the blasting musics, I hardly able to hear the beat from my stethoscope. I remember telling the old lady that hers was 120/80, and she happily and proudly announce it to all her friends, before I find out that her previous pressure was 200/100. GOD! I quickly called her back to recheck. I wonder whether I killed someone today.

Another thing about my puskesmas was, there is a USG device there, but it had never been used before. So, how do we examine the patients? We use Leopord Manuve. And today I felt the baby in the uterus with my hands, but only mistaken the butt as the head.

I know it is bad to wish for better cases, but that was what I did. And I haven’t tried injecting a patient!!!!! GRRRH~

Instalasi Rehabilitasi Medis

2011-02-22T01:16:00.001+07:00

We had a task to do in this block. We had to write a report on our visit to the Medic Rehabilitation center, anamnesis a patient and just look around. Basically, the medic rehabilitation center is just like a gymnasium, where people with limited movement do their regular exercise to improve their body function. Nothing very interesting actually. In fact I feel that the nurses and therapists there are more than the patients around.

There is this kid that caught my attention. A 2 year old boy with Rubella and CMV before his premature birth, with cataract, hearing impairment, and stiff extremities. Before he even gets a chance to see the world, he has to combat viruses. The idea of can’t move your arms and legs right after you are born, not able to look and to listen, it is a total world of your own! Well, except one thing, human touch. And he looks so innocent lo. Then a friend of mine was telling me, hmm… I think we should start to appreciate our life. Yea. But I was thinking, I am sooo wanting to be a good doctor.

落寞

2011-02-22T00:30:00.000+07:00

其实我不知道我去哪里了。失去自我的感觉好像越来越明显。我竟然会怀念以前的我。太可笑了。至少沉淀在不真实的世界，发白日梦，比失去方向好多了。至少烦有没有奖学金，比有事没事都拿来烦好吧。有点不喜欢这样子的感觉，心情非常的糟糕。想找个如此落寞的原因，却好像找不出来也。说来说去，我好像很不知足。原本说好要乐观、乐观、乐观，乐观能吸进更多正面的力量…… 可是好像都失败了。乐观的我，沉睡了吗？如何唤醒快乐的细胞？

CNY

2011-02-05T09:54:00.000+07:00

Chinese New Year. All I get to do now is wrap myself in my orange blanket, sneeze once in a while and watch outside the window at the strong blowing wind. And so, I took my handphone out and messaged Ah Theng. Ya. I don’t think I can join the visiting this year, it seems.

What did I do this whole Chinese new year? Erm…. Went to my grandma house, ate some chips and cookies, listened to mum boost and crap, watched plenty of movies on the TV with lots of white lines on it, and caught flu, cough and slight fever. Boring one~

Guess I am being a total social retard this year. I think I am going to bed. Again.

好鞋

2011-02-02T17:59:00.000+07:00

见到一双好鞋，过后再好的鞋也不比之前的那双好。开始后悔为何当初为何没有狠心买下。念念不忘，就这样，一双一双的好鞋，错过了。当你再次遇见之前的那双好鞋，才发现，其实那所谓好鞋，没有想象中那么好。

Life as usual

2010-12-23T20:35:00.000+07:00

The day before Christmas Eve. Tutorial ended. I walked to the canteen as usual. Ordered ‘mi ayam’ as usual. Then I noticed something. Quiet. There was no one in the canteen except the workers. Unusual. Relieved, I sat at one corner, enjoying the peace, enjoying the breeze against my face. The man brought me my order, and I started eating.

A few minutes later, someone interrupted my peace. I looked up.

“Mbak, bias gak?” and he pointed at the chair in front of me. I nodded. Then another girl came. And another one. And another one. Before I realized, I am already sharing table with three other girls. And the canteen was crowded. As usual.

Life as usual.

Tremor in Lecture Hall

2010-12-21T16:39:00.002+07:00

“Anti diarrheal is especially used in baby and children…”

I was writing down everything the lecturer mentioned. Then, something irritated me. Somebody was shaking his leg. Somebody. Mak who sit next to me? No? He didn’t look like he was shaking his leg. Then, I wanted to look who was sitting next to Mak. Just then, Mak looked up, with the same look I had and asked, “why is it shaking?” I know instantly something was wrong.

The powerpoint slide screen in front shake. Everybody started to look around. No one make a move out. THE WHOLE HALL IS SHAKING!!!! For goodness sake!!! Guess who was the first person to leave the seat? Yes, the lecturer. And she was like… just.walk.out.

LOL… but within a few minutes, everything settled back down. No brick falls. No casualties. No further stories. Yup. Just tremor in the lecture hall which ended the lecture right away.

Depress dog

2010-12-12T00:40:00.001+07:00

Have you ever seen a dog that looks more depress than me?

He is just one-two months old, and he looks like he hates the whole world, with a pair of emo eyes. But he is cute and bounces here and there. Most importantly, he responded to my call. Sad eyes. I don’t even have the heart to shout at him. Maybe till he is a little bit older. So, I placed that little fella into my arms, and he stopped whining instantly. Within minutes, he felt asleep. Peace. Like a baby. (Don’t be mistaken, I do not like kids.) But this is just so heart melting! How could I even shout at him? Even if I have steel heart, he is just too… small… too… weak…

The little guy likes sand and grass, and can’t control his bladder. He had an ulcer on his neck, add on to his sadness. Maybe because of his emo-ness that I felt like giving him a little bit more attention. And Tipsy is like an elder sister, wondering whether all the attention had shifted to the other member in the house. Lolz. They are just like human. But I guess from now onwards, Tipsy has a friend to play with. At least now she doesn’t need to play with herself, catching air in the living hall. =)

问题在哪？

2010-12-11T23:44:00.000+07:00

难的不是答案。难的是问题。要找答案，有志者，事竟成。要找问题，也许要比志气还要高的志气。

我以为自己志气高。我以为自己败不了。一次有一次的打击，我会告诉自己，我要更努力。别人能，我不能？我就不信我不能。人家用一天，我用十天，也一定要能。要说我天真，也许吧。也许‘勤能补磋’无法派上用场。日子久了，我发现自己离目标越来越近。只是自己原地不动，目标移近而已。

原来这不是志气。我只是固执。我不能相信自己掌控不了未来。我不能相信自己败给自己。所以不停的，战战战。我要的不过是给自己一个答案，却始终找不了问题的所在。我不是读不够，我不是记不了。我不是没听课。我到底为什么明明就会，却还是回答错呢？这是问题吗？
我。好。灰。心。

Ungrateful people

2010-12-04T08:13:00.000+07:00

I may be nice, but I am not stupid. Please do not use me. I am tired of all this shit. Imagine that I spend one whole hour doing the computerizing and drawing that graph. All you did is spend a few minutes asking me for the answer. You just need to ask it a little bit more sincerely. But why do you all sound like it is a must to help you?

Why does everybody sound like it is a must to help them? This is not my work. I don’t get paid for this. I don’t get paid for collecting and transferring lecturer slides. I don’t get paid for running errands. I don’t get paid for helping you guys in your homework. I don’t even get paid for running around the campus like a crazy lady. I did my role, nicely and I don’t get praise for it. All I get is blame, when I din’t help. And by doing this, why has it turns out to be a must for me? What the hell! What has the world turns out to be? They are not sincere. They are not stupid. They are just lazy and think that they are smart for being able to use people. I believe in Karma, but I am sick of it.

Yesterday, another guy asked me for lecture slides, and he really sounded sincere and apologetic to disturb me late at night. Somehow, I felt please being able to help. I don’t know how, but it truly made a difference. So, if you are not sincere, next time I will say no. If you really need my help, I did be happy to do so, but make sure I won’t hear things like, “why hasn’t you send me your graph?” I been doing too much charity that I need to do more for myself.

何谓熟男

2010-11-28T09:09:00.000+07:00

吃饭时间，我和几位朋友讨论了一个非常无聊的问题。何谓熟男？我就随口说了一句，“我们朋友之中有熟男么？”确实。这句话，必定让所有男士不满，但是何谓熟男？

一位女同事说，成熟的人，不管在任何场合，都能和别人相处融洽。是么？我大大的不展同。能否和人相处融洽，只是人的个性。如果一个人生性不爱说话，难道说他永不成熟？而那些能够很随和的和别人交谈，是好，但我不当他成熟，我称他为社交好，PR 好。如果用社交的态度面对所有亲友，此类人，我译为虚伪。在众多社交朋友当中的，又有几位是患难之交？说起来，此类人，更显孤独。适者生存。在任何转变的环境下，生物都回随环境而改变。面对不同的人，不同的环境，自然有不同的心态，不同处事态度。我不当他为成熟。

有的人认为，成熟等于对生活有一定的见解，有自己的想法。也对啦。可是说真的，这是所有人都会做的。只是自己的想法，对不对没人知道而已。对我而言。成熟的男人，定义不浅，会为自己所爱的付出努力，愿意担当责任，愿意为大众设想。他的思考经过磨炼，所见的，所闻的，所经过的，能够改变自己固执的想法。他不一定有领导作风，但至少不怕问题，不怕责任。

不对么？

Back to disaster

2010-11-12T20:33:00.000+07:00

I hate to go back! Like a lot!!!! I just don’t understand them! Have us sent back by TUDM, and before the Merapi mount stop entirely, want us to go back there. WHAT IS THIS! A waste of air tickets and time! And that dusty place itself makes my nerves go tension. Not to include all the study stress yet! Now with every classes clump together, it doubles or triples my tension level! What is this man!

Ya… JPA never forced us to go back before 21^st. But classes begin at 15^th, even before airport is open (on 15^th). Is this not crazy? Even when classes resume on 15^th, we have tones of catch up to do. ARGH!!!!!! THIS IS INSANE! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Evacuated from Merapi Eruption

2010-11-08T21:15:00.005+07:00

To experience life, you have to attend one funeral, and survive through one natural disaster. A sudden surge of emptiness, that is how I am gonna describe the feeling. As if nothing is more important than being able to breath, lecture notes, homeworks, properties, all left behind.

4th November
This time, there is no more ash rain. It’s stone rain. Rain drops as big as a corn, falling down the sky, hitting hard on the roof to produce symphony that shakes our attention. Rain with thunder plus another sound—low, repetitive, somewhat sounds like wind blowing across the sky. It is not wind! It is volcanic eruption!

5th November

Early morning, I was a bit emo. Perhaps the sky has changed my mood. The floor gets dirty every one hour after we mopped. The water drainage system behind got clogged. It is all dirty outside the house, and inside too.

I supposed to have no class that day, but I have planned a full schedule for my day. I even planned to send a few books to the photocopy shops, attend my French class etc etc. Okay, and the most important thing, I was angry at someone that morning. Frustration, grudges….

Then all of a sudden, everyone seems to be shifting away. Yanyi’s neighbor shifted, my French class teacher evacuated. Was wondering what was going on. Yinli messaged the Embassy and asked when we should evacuate. We expect a calm answer as usual, but not this time. “Evacuating now!” And all the frustration and grudges was left behind.

A sudden chaos. Phone calls, messages, packing…. Then, news came in “gather at IP at 9.45am!” We stared at the clock. 9.30am. This is crazy! And there is a lot of things that I couldn’t bring with me. I left behind plenty. Yinli went to check out if the news was true, while Hsiao suan sent our luggage to IP. Then Mak came to pick all four of us up to the gathering site. The whole road was practically full of dust; we couldn’t even spot the motorcyclist if they had never on their lights.

It was already full of people and bags. We will be evacuated to Solo, around 65km away from yogya. The place should be fine.

Lim offered me a place in his car to go down to Solo. I accepted. A car was much comfortable than bus. But, as Mak’s car was emptier, and lim’s car was practically full, I switch to Mak’s car. So, we drove down Solo.

We checked into a “so call hotel” and stayed in. This so-call-hotel is not big, but we have to fit a number of people. Four people in my small rooms, and the pipe water was malfunction. We had only one small pail to fill the slow flowing water. So, imagine our clumsiness, with soaps all over, staring at the water to get filled up.

Despite all this, we actually took a taxi to shopping mall. We bought cakes to celebrate Joanna’s birthday, and 21 wafers for ho hwee’s birthday. Muahaha.

6^th November

“Happy Birthday to you~ Happy Birthday to you~~~~…..” A song for Joanna, celebrating her 20^th birthday!

With Ho Hwee thinking we only celebrate for Joanna, we push out the 21 wafers and continue singing bday song for Ho Hwee.

We done some shopping and of course had a dinner in a tiochiu restaurant. Celebrating Birthday when we were actually evacuee… LOL… This is hell of a fun. To have fun despite all the tiredness and frustration, somehow it is a comfort.

We were told that we will be evacuated back the next morning. But during the meeting, they told us the airport was closed. No plane was allowed to fly. Crap! Stuck in Solo. There is mishap happens to a plane and to get in a TUDM (Army Plane) in requires a lot of procedures. So the flight was delayed. Some says it is even safer to not to fly coz u won’t know what will happen to the plane in the air. Merapi smokes and ashes might just kill us on the way back.

Disappointment! Uncertainties! ARGH!!!!

Then they told us that we will have the TUDM to come in the next afternoon. But it was not confirmed yet either. Waiting and waiting~~~ But one thing for sure. There was no lecture notes for a while. No study stress. Nothing at all. Just waiting to go back. That’s it.

7^th November

We woke up early that morning. And today, there is much waiting. Waiting for gathering. Waiting to go to the airport. Waiting to collect passport. Waiting to pay money. Waiting for the TUDM plane. Waiting to get clearance. Waiting is much more tiring than studying the whole day. Waiting……

And from morning 7am, we waited until 4pm. Finally, we saw the plane. Grey. Short. Small.

We were disallowed to take photos, so i can only take from far.

The air tickets

We went in the plane from behind. It looks so unreal. So like computer games. So like a movie. Is so unbelievable that I am entering an army flight, C-130 Hercules Army Plane! And finally After all the waiting. I saw the plane. We can go home! We can go home!

There is some press conference, some announcement, with tv crew and reporters right after we landed. I don't get it. Isit that proud to run away from natural disaster? We are doctors! I felt a bit uneasy on this. We are doctors but we are running away like rats. Yea, i agree with yy. But somehow, to a certain point, it is better not to give burden to them by being a victims if your ability is limited. That is how i console myself.

8th November

I stayed one night in Yinli's house, as there is no more bus tickets to go back Malacca. Yinli's family was hospitable. And I left early morning with breakfast prepared. Really appreciate that.

Then i took an LRT to Bukit Jalil. The thing is, i had never been there, luckily Shida was with me, or i will be like a deer entering a village. Lost.

And yes. I am back, with unexpected holidays, not knowing when i can go back to study, not knowing what the futures lies to me. And i truly hope it will settle as soon as possible. Hopefully the mount wouldn't kill so many.

Mask

2010-11-01T22:23:00.000+07:00

I don’t think I can be a surgeon, ‘cause wearing a mask every hour kills me. Those people who invented mask, they just assume that everybody’s face surface area is the same. None fits me well. And every mask looks extra big. I can put my fingers in through the side. And I just don’t get the point of having sonar for lower half of my face. Argh.

You know, government has his way of doing things. They proudly announced to the world that they donated RM4000 for student in Yogyakarta to buy mask and eye drops. There are around 500 students here, and each mask cost only 40cents. So, each of us gets 3 masks. And 2 persons share one eyedrop. Let’s say an eye drop costs us RM4. We only spent around RM1600 in total, which is not even half of the money. And tell me, does the eye drops cost so much when you buy in bulk? Neh… maybe my math is just too lousy to judge.

But seriously, I hate mask. And all this dusty road, dusty place, it ruins my mood.

Volcanic Eruption

2010-10-30T12:47:00.001+07:00

Merapi Volcanoes Erupted on the 30.10.10, 00.40am. That time we were happy celebrating Yinli’s 21th birthday. It started to rain. I thought it was normal rain when I opened the door. But NO! It was not rain! It was ashes! Volcanic ashes!!! Goodness! Never in my life had I seen this! It seems really like snowing at night! Spectacular!

All of us wore mask in the house. The next morning, we saw what the ‘snow’ does. The whole place was dusty brown, with a strong sulfuric smell. Ashes accumulate everywhere, on the roof, on the leaves, on the cars etc. People start washing their house compound but to no avail. It gets brown in an hour. This is epic! I never see snow before, but I see brown snow!

Ashes collected on the leaves

Car covered with thick layers of ash

Can't even see the road properly...

Everyone started to store food in their house. Shops closed or half open. Reporters around. Everyone planned to stay indoors. The place is so dusty that even you sit at your study table longer, you can see dust on your table.

Pre Merapi Volcanic Eruption

2010-10-30T12:14:00.000+07:00

We were informed that merapi volcano situated 28km away from my house had awakened. Evacuation plans had been made. During volcanic eruption, what we worried the most is the heat, the ashes, and of course, earth quake. So, ambassy had gathered us and called us to pack our important documents in a small bag just in case we need to evacuate. My neighbor said that there will be ‘hujan debu’ (ash rain), some says that it happens every year, so everyone seems to go on with life.

For many days, we received messages, telling us that there will be an eruption tonight, but, everyday, nothing seems to happen. The weather went warmer. The volcanoes, coughed once in a while with small eruptions and she killed 29 people staying at the hillside. The guardian of the volcanoes, Pak Marijan was also found dead, in his prayer. However, the locals’ din’t appear to be worried.

The rest of the villagers were evacuated to the evacuation camp. I had signed up Mer-C to help in the evacuation camp. On Thursday, I took on the afternoon shift and went to Wonokerto with Eunice and Lee Lee. We shifted all the medical needs into the camp and waited for patients to come.

Apparently, the evacuation camp was just next to a PUSKESMAS (Primary health care center), so, there were no patients. We only had the other rescuer to come for medical advices. Children running and playing as if nothing had ever happens. We joined in the fun. They had no school to go, so we taught them a little bit of English.

That night, we shifted our camp a primary school, where people from 3 villages were evacuated there. We set up a clinic there. Before the doctor came, there are already people asking for medicine.

Evacuee slept in the hall, on the corridor, everywhere. They had no more homes to go back. We changed the school library into a clinic, and changed shift, went back before we had a chance to treat them.

The next day, we went to Kepuharjo evacuation camp. It was crowded there. Most of them are old people with hypertension. As we are not graduated yet, we can only help to dispense the drugs, do vital sign and record medical record. That is all we did. We had a busy afternoon and a free night. We can see Merapi mount smoking from here. That night, some Malaysian came to offer help. I saw TV3 crew here, with En Ludinata (ambassy in Jakarta), and En Jazman (JPA officer in Indonesia).

Uninhabited

2010-09-28T02:06:00.000+07:00

Why am I not sleeping yet? I have no idea. Perhaps I am having some jet lag for 6 hours for which I have adapted an owl lifestyle. I am so diligent that I even read in my sleep. In another simple term, I sleep whenever I am reading. So, at this hour, 1.50am, I am still awake. Or shall I rephrase, I am already awake. But no worries, with a small dose of “Experimental Design Lecture Notes”, I am off to sleep again. Luckily there is no lecture tomorrow; they can sound just like lullaby to me.

I just had my four days holiday. No class on Friday and Monday, so that makes it a pretty long holiday for me. But, I wonder what everybody been doing this weekend. Facebook is uninhabited. MSN is deserted. Out of boredom, I clicked the refresh button several times and I wonder whether everybody had been studying like hell. But it is just week 3! That sends me to ‘wonder-land’ for a while.

Apparently, everybody is busy with all sorts of events. My roommates for example just represented the university to Malaysia for Physio Quiz. My fellow batchmates were busy with Deevali nights, MSK, Bandung Games, and respective scandals etc. And me…….. Nah, I think I deserve a rest. But, all I did this weekend was running in my Lala Land: dreaming.

Which should i believe?

2010-09-23T17:42:00.003+07:00

ARGH!!!!!! I hated this feeling!!!

When your doctor gives you high hope, but gives you low mark, you just feel like ripping her head off!!! She shouldn’t have say ‘good job’, or ‘very good’ which seriously give people a false impression that there is no need for correction. I feel like telling them, if there is a mistake, correct me please…. Perhaps they are afraid they made a mistake too, but that doesn’t give them a reason to give us high hopes by saying all the nice words. We are not your patient, we are just students. We deserve to learn!

And why do I have a feeling that my luck in exam and homework already exhausted? Haih~ I really want to explore medicine, without worrying about my marks and results all the time. And even remedial seems useless, ‘cause it seems like they never mark the paper. Or have they?

Perhaps I am just too sensitive with marks. Should I like change my perfectionist behavior, and stop hoping to get high score for assignment, Osce and block exam? I don’t study for results, but they just keep popping up in my mind, whispering silently, seeking for my attention. Argh~ I hated this feeling.

Throw aside results which make my day miserable.

“Half of what you are taught as medical students will in 10 years have been shown to be wrong. And the trouble is, none of your teachers knows which half.”

(Dr. Sydney Burwell, Dean of Harvard Medical School).

Great. Can I like….graduate now?

More or Less

2010-09-22T20:54:00.000+07:00

Third year in medical school

I choose to be

a little more low profile

a little more hard working

a little more research

a little more for myself

a little less activities

a little less condemnation

a little less gossiping

a little less socializing

a little more for people who treated me well

and

a little less for people who appears only when they needed me.

The Climb~ Miley Cyrus

2010-09-13T01:18:00.000+07:00

Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

some thought 11.9.10

2010-09-12T00:07:00.006+07:00

Today was a busy day. My relatives dropped by from Penang to visit. So, I spared my day just in case I need to go anywhere. Apparently, they wanted to go to Red House in this hot sunny burning afternoon. So, I dint follow.

Instead, I went to visit Puan Nurul, my BM teacher. Well, I hadn’t been there for more than a year. Initially, I dint planned to pay her a visit, because mum was nagging that girls should stay at home. But, since mum was too busy worrying about her sofa sets and toilet bowls, I managed to slip out. I gave ET a sms, and off I go.

Puan Nurul looked the same to me, but she had thinned down of course. The amazing thing was, she still remembered that I came back from Indonesia, and she remembered that I dint visit her last year. LOL. Okay… her memory wasn’t that bad. I met a few old friends too. Ah Theng, Tze Yin, Onn Wah, Alistair, Tiw, Brendon, feiying, jeff. I guess that is what a teacher hoped to see, a house full of students from everywhere, as noisy as ever. But, Pn Nurul said, she wished that students dint recognize her, especially when she was delivering a baby and the doctor was her students. LOL. It is really not easy to find teacher you can “tembak” and gossips about other teacher though, but here it is, one in front of me. Oh, I meet Mr Tay at Pn Nurul’s house too.

I went back in the evening to join my family’s dinner. My mum doesn’t consider my dad’s sibling her family. So, we had a little quarrel in the car. Pretty obvious that I don’t quite agree with what she said.

At night, we went to Jonker Street. It was extremely crowded that night. And guess what, yy and Kean seng were in Jonker the same day, but we dint meet each other. LOL. Malacca is one BIG place, you know! Although all the shops sell the same thing every day, it is still soooo crowded. No idea why. So basically, I can only see people’s head and smells their armpits. Gosh. The next thing I know, I am on the way back home.

My relatives from Penang, they were a bit, shall I say, scared of Indonesia. In their mind, Indonesia is one scary place where the moment you step down, people use guns to shoot you down. LOL. Chill lar. I dint even lose my arms.

My mum was a bit reluctant to talk to them. And all she ever said was, they smell like Minyak Kapak, they dirty her toilet and her beds etc. Ya, couldn’t blame her, she is always like that. I was quite angry that she criticized me in front of my relatives. Goodness. I just let her talk. Apparently she seems to increase in capacity. Sometimes I felt like singing the song “Because of You” from Kelly Clarkson. Nah, I guess it would be hard for us to find our respective partners because of her critism nature. Ya ya. I know. Just let her talk right. I don't want to be a bad daughter you know, but sometimes you just feel like ignoring all her unreasonable nagging, unforgiving hatred, and uncivilised critism. Argh! Whatever. Just consider me disobedient if you like to.

And today is September 11. Rest In Peace.

这，叫做享受

2010-09-07T14:08:00.000+07:00

缓缓绿茶沿喉咙直下。干涩滚入肚。凉凉冷气围绕我身躯。慢慢的老歌随iTune播放，随即在我脑袋旋转。思念滋润我的灵魂，回忆霸占我的思维。启开MSN，无聊闲谈到天明。空闲的在别人的“面书”做出傻摆的评论。吃的虽然不是什么山珍海味，却恰恰适合我的味蕾。泡的不是按摩浴缸，却松弛了我的五官。有家，何苦寻找五星级酒店？在丝毫没有压力的状况下做proposal，人间简直是天堂。无需在乎别人的想法。无需斗个你赢我输。无需戴上面具假笑拍马屁。单单纯纯的友情，简简单单的思索。

这，叫做享受。

恶作剧?

2010-09-03T02:43:00.000+07:00

当有人说“我爱你”的时候，你应该要有怎样的想法？

我，错愕。愚蠢的我一时之间真的认为你在和我开玩笑。算了。开玩笑也好，不开玩笑也好，我都会当你开玩笑来回答你。总之，我第一个下意识就是给你一个下马威。面对一个把“我爱你”挂在嘴边的人，我怀疑你的真心，更怀疑这是‘恶作剧’。不知道是不是狮子座的天性，每每有人想表白，我会第一时间挫挫你，好让你知难而退。无法忍耐我一时的任性，难道会和我共享人生？此时此刻，也只不过不想被伤害。我非常需要的，是简单的安全感。

虽然我自尊强，可是蛮有自知之明的我，知道自己非什么大美人。无端端喜欢我？我不会相信的。这种突如其来，我，不喜欢。在没有丝毫特别的感觉，我，只想多一个朋友。我无法想象让一个不熟悉我的人闯入我心，更不会允许你玩弄我。我好像还没有认识你也。降轻易的说我爱你，你有别意吗？是否我是取替品？都说了，我不信一见钟情，我比较相信细水长流。

Life·Lost·Love

2010-09-01T00:52:00.002+07:00

There is always a position in your heart for people you know. You reserve a special place for people you adored. Birthday, gifts, and special moments you wish to create in people’s memory. Everything means something, somehow. Sometimes you just forgive someone simply because you still want them in your life.

Lost. A common thing in life. When you lost your handphone, you will be searching for it, wondering when was the last time you saw it, recalling, recalling. You will make it sound, try your best to find it. Breaking up is like how you lost your handphone. You will call it. You will make other people to call it. You will try anything to get back what’s belonging to you. When you finally realize that you really couldn’t find it, it will stay in your mind still. Even when you found a new phone, you will be comparing it, makes sure this one is better than the previous. Unless you don’t mean to keep it long, a temporary phone will do.

Losing someone who passed away on the other hand is like dropping your car key in the sea. You can’t make it sound. You can’t find it back. It is gone. You have the car, but you have to change certain part in order to get the engine starts. Certain parts have changed, and you know, no matter how well it looks like on the outside, it is not the same anymore.

People walk into your life. Sometimes, they are just so important that you place them somewhere special in your heart. Sometimes you just seal them up so that you don't forget them, yet don't want them to injure you all the time. Sometimes they are just air that flow pass, disappear behind your mind, that you won’t even recall seeing them. For some reason, I realized, those people that you hated the most, or loved the most, they leave heavy footsteps in your life. Love and Hate, they are not much difference. One thing for sure, you pay more attention on both.

Life. There is no answer for everything.

我还不是专家

2010-08-28T21:15:00.000+07:00

终于有机会歇一歇了。原来照顾病人真的不容易。室友证实患上骨痛热症，把咱们都搞忙了。原本开始埋怨生活纳闷的我，突然多了好多事情要办。我以为没什么，怎知她病得比其他人严重得多，连推那支用来吊水的铁岗都没力。上厕所需要帮忙，吃药喝水需要帮忙，还要帮忙抹身，帮忙擦药。抹身无所谓，却不能用冷水，得用热敷。盛水无所谓，却要冷热调好。冷气要调热，还要陪她散步，帮她找药。一句话，忙！也不知是骨痛热症症状，还是其他病症，她不停说肚子胀风。看着她在床上蠕动呻吟，我多半不知所措。以为只有室友生病，咱们屋友三人可以轮流，怎知茵丽也发高烧！天啊！现在就只有我和怀那。累。我还怕死的猛涂防蚊药，希望蚊子老兄不会找上我。

也不知道为什么，最近跟骨痛热症特别有缘。OSCE得到的病历是骨痛热症，学姐患骨痛热症，室友患骨痛热症，我大学第三年试验报告也是骨痛热症。天啊，我还不是专家！为骨痛热症忙透了！

妙！

2010-08-28T20:12:00.000+07:00

1. 啊~没事，就是清明上坟的时候，突然想起你，为什么那么多人死，你还不死呢？
2. 玩感情? 我会让你哭的很有节奏...
3. 喜欢你的时候你说什么就是什么, 不喜欢你的时候, 你说你是什么?
4.和人接触的时间越长，我就越喜欢狗，狗永远是狗，人有时候不是人！
5. 贱人永远都是贱人，就算经济危机了，你也贵不了！
6. 别和我装你活的精彩过的幸福，也别祝我幸福，你有那资格吗？
7. 别在分手的时候和我说："其实你很好" 操，那你还甩我？
8. 唾沫是用来数钞票的，而不是用来讲道理的
9. 不该看的不看，不该说的不说，不该听的不听，不该想的不想，该干什么干什么去
10. 少在我面前拽的跟二五八万似的，摆好POSE 再装逼！
11. 我等待你的关心，等的关上了心...
12. 我们只有一个地球，所以你要爱护地球；地球上只有一个我，所以你也要爱护我！
13. 开心了就笑，不开心了就过会儿再笑！高兴了就乐，不高兴了就使劲乐！
14. 这几天除了吵架什么都没干。一种架各种吵。是我不懂事还是把你当人看了？
15. 唯一一个可以霸占男人回忆的方法就是: 活的更好!
16. 那些人旳名字, 有些我忘了, 有些我却会永远记得。正如, 有旳人曾经是无话不说，最后却无话可说.
17. 生活就是：生出来,活下去~
18. 如果你觉得自己很牛B, 那你一定是傻B
19. 我是心眼小，但是不缺，我是脾气好，但不是没有！
20. 时间不知不觉，我们后知后觉...
21.我这人从不记仇,一般有仇当场我就报了。
22.别在我的坟前哭。脏了我轮回的路。
23.已经将整个青春都用来检讨青春，还要把整个生命都用来怀疑生命。
24.你要是鲜花，以后牛都不敢拉粪了！
25.我以为你只是1和3中间的数，没想到你还是1和3俩数的组合。
26.自己选择45°仰视别人，就休怪他人135°俯视着看你。
27.Ralph W. Sockman说：当我们是少数时，可以测试自己的勇气；当我们是多数时，可以测试自己的宽容。
28.在职场中就应该像柯南那样，有一种我走到哪就让别人死到哪的霸气。
29.李碧华说过：什么叫多余？夏天的棉袄，冬天的蒲扇，还有等我已经心冷后你的殷勤。
30.永远年轻，永远装嫩，永远不知好歹，永远热泪盈眶。
31.很多时候你只是某个人的练爱对象而非恋爱对象。
32.你攒够四块五，我也攒够四块五，我们就可以去民政局结婚了。
33.个人感觉，在网络上要转向"慢"了，资讯越快，越是要等几天让事实浮现，第一时间人肉，第一时间谴责，第一时间落泪，都无太多必要。
34我爸面对我发胖一事发表了看法：没有韩红的命，还得了韩红的病。
35.你来我信你不会走，你走我当你没来过。——我们该这样对待缘分与爱。
36.你觉得别人牛B，他不一定觉得你牛B，但你要觉得别人SB，在他眼里你也是一SB,所以我认为牛B像单恋，SB则是两情相悦。
37."上了年纪最大的好处就是：年轻时得不到的东西，现在你不想要了。"
38.世界上所有男人都是骗子。不管是漂亮还是不漂亮的女人都会被骗。有所不同的是，幸运的女人找到了一个大骗子，骗了她一辈子。不幸的女人找到了一个小骗子，骗了她一阵子。
39.人最软弱的地方，是舍不得。舍不得一段不再精采的感情，舍不得一份虚荣，舍不得掌声。我们永远以为最好的日子是会很长很长的，不必那麽快离开。就在我们心软和缺乏勇气的时候，最好的日子毫不留情地逝去了。
40.曾以为我是那崖畔的一枝花，后来才知道，不过是人海一粒渣。
41.现在你骂我，是因为你还不了解我，等你以后了解了我，你一定会动手打我的。
42.一日不读书，无人看得出；一周不读书，开始会爆粗；一月不读书，智商输给猪。
43.有的人聪明得像天气，多变；有的人傻得像天气预报，变天它都看不出来。
44马不停蹄的错过，轻而易举的辜负，不知不觉的陌路。
45.石头记告诉我们：凡是真心爱的最后都散了，凡是混搭的最后都团圆了。
46.如果你不是经常遇到挫折，这表明你做的事情没有很大的创新性-伍迪.艾伦
47.两个人在一起，更多的不是改变了对方，而是接受了，所以说包容呢，如果光想着改变，那不是生活，那是战争。
48一切问题最终都是时间问题，一切烦恼其实都是自寻烦恼。
49.人永远不知道谁哪次不经意的跟你说了再见之后就真的再也不见了。
50.很多事都介于"不说憋屈"和"说了矫情"之间。
51.通往成功的路，总是在施工中。
52.【你喜欢我天使的脸孔，还是魔鬼的身材？】【我就喜欢你这种幽默感。】
53.下车时导游小姐说："请带好您的贵重物品。"他拉着我的手说："快走，贵重物品"。
54.我不下地狱，谁爱下谁下
55.我也不是非你不可。你也不是非我不可。真是一场误会。
56.想你的眉目，想到模糊。——突然觉得，思念大都如此，越来越淡
57.在经年后，感叹，那两个少年：一个惊艳了时光，一个温柔了岁月。
58.你永远也无法理解，为了让自己对生活发生兴趣，我们付出了多大的努力。
59.孔子曰，中午不睡，下午崩溃；孟子曰，孔子说的对
60.9个橙子分给13个小朋友，怎么分才公平？-杀死4个小朋友。
61.如果她（他）对你说："忘了我吧。"你告诉对方："我一直没记住。"

You must be this tall... to DIE

2010-08-13T00:03:00.000+07:00

Nice quote, right? Yes, you must be this tall to die in the carnival full of Zombies!!! Buahaha..

“Hunter coming! Is behind you!”
“Mad Ng jump jump!!! Run away!”
“Where is Mad Ng? Faster revive her, she is incap”

That was the only thing I hear, and the only thing I see, were all the Zombies that surround me! Being a noob, I have no idea where I was heading, I only follow Zhuo Cao and You rui blindly. And I am still a noob in keypad controlling though. With tans of Zombies chasing after you, it is quite impossible to think of other things other than kill kill kill!

Left 4 Dead 2 was really fun and addictive! Even after the games, I can still visualize Zombies around, just that those “Zombies” are facing the computers in cc. 过瘾！

“If your boyfriend replied your message when he is playing games, he must have loves you a lot!” Totally agreed to that!

Road Trip 4-Johor Bahru

2010-08-08T12:48:00.001+07:00

Well.... there was nothing much in JB. The main reason I went there is to get a transit bus back to Malacca rather from Singapore which will double my bus fare. Bus from JB to Malacca will only cost RM19 while bus from Singapore cost S$16. Which is more worth?! After all, it was not that difficult to travel from Sg to JB. Just took a bus (170#, 170 or 160) from Kranji, and it will bring you to JB sentral. Easy...

I stayed in yy's house for one nite. We chatted, with her maid sleeping at the corner, sleep talking. The next morning, Yy drove us with her Livina. Not quite stable, but much better than expected! Thanks to her for showing me around JayBee.

Erm... let me see...

I visited Danga Bay, which is largely abandoned. But, they said it ll only turns alive at night. *sigh*

Then, we went to a Guan Yin temple.

Then, we went to have our lunch in a vegetarian shops, where i tasted one mouthful of Hakka Food. nah... dislike.

Then, we went to Sutera Mall for shopping. Bought a bag and a book.

I went home after that, exhausted.

I felt asleep in the bus, awaken by noises, and realised i already reached Malacca. I wanted to call the bus to stop me infront of air port, but i accidentally spoke Indonesian Language to him. Gosh! He looked at me one kind, perhaps thinking whether i am Indonesian, with a broken Indonesian Language. So, now, i can speak neither proper Malay nor proper Indonesian. God.

Road Trip 3-Singapore

2010-08-06T12:12:00.001+07:00

Singapore has changed a lot since the last time I went. New building emerges everywhere. But I still stay in my memories. I saw a few AJ students with AJ uniforms, and I thought I saw someone I knew. But, when they walked pass me, only did I realize that all my friends in AJ had already graduated.

This time round, I visited the new Resort World Sentosa and Universal Studio.
The 1st day, I visited the carsino and Festive walk.

The Carsino is cool, but only that I have no idea how to play any. All the games seems complicated. Can't there be any much simpler games to play with?! Poor Lee suan, she cant get into the carsino due to age limits, even though she is just two months younger. Singapore are quite strict with that. Bags are not allowed, so we hired a large locker for one hour S$6. Thus, we dint stay for long.

We walk through Festive Walk, with plenty of beautiful architecture to take pictures with and many shops selling high quality products.

Adam and Eve

Lake of dreams

Escalators with nice sound effect and beautiful lighting.

OK... I spent the rest of my days wandering around sentosa island. Wei Hern, Mak and Jian Hui went to Underwater World while me and Lee Suan were left with nothing better to do. We took the free shuttle bus and the free monorail around Sentosa Island. We also visited Images Of Singapore. Nice architecture, if i had never know Singapore culture that well, i will think that all those are new and interesting. Nevermind that, i am just trying to kill some time. I lost all my contact numbers of my Singapore's friends, so in the end, i dint manage to meet up anyone. T.T guess i ll have chances other time.
..................................................................................................................................................................

The next day,

we went to much awaited Universal Studio Singapore. After waiting for the guys to finish their breakfast, we went in. As there were a numbers of games unavailable yet, the USS redeem S$5 meal voucher and S$5 shopping voucher for us.

First Stop, Madagascar.

Crate adventures were not available yet, so there was only one thing left, which is kid’s merry-go-round. We took some great photos though.

Far Far away

Too bad we dint get to take photo with Shrek as the entrance just closed and he went for a break.

We went for a 4D video. Nicely done! It is something like the Genting 4D, just that the story line is better. Then, we sat some small roller coaster. Each waiting time spend us more than half an hour though.

Ancient Egypt

The high speed roller coaster was the coolest ! Best ever roller coaster ride i have ever had! Superb!This is the best thing in USS now, i guess. But that was the only thing there. Treasure hunt was for kids. -.-

Sci-Fi City

Well, the tallest Roller Coaster was not available as it was under construction. Damn sweat! So, we only sat the cup.

New York

Street dance in New york city

Water World

They are great. They even brought in a plane to the scene. And, they splashes water at us. LOL!!!

Jurassic Park

Many games are not available here. I waited for the longest que here. 1 hour and 30 minutes. My God! It is some bumpy boat, nothing very special at first, but the end was good! I sprained my neck.

We were drenched from head to toe. After that, we took our early dinner in the food court nearby.

Hollywood city was nothing much. Stage 28 not open yet, but we visited Light camera action. The artificial hurricane was real great!!! WOW!

Night arrived. We bought movie ticket. I thought there ll be something interesting, but apparently it was just Iron Man. LOL!

This Universal Studio trip in one word was small! There are 4 to 5 games with "coming soon". Goodness! But, the rest are still great!
Anyhow, we have to leave early to catch the last bus back to JB, so.... good bye Universal Studio. Good Bye Singapore..

a friend from JB

2010-08-02T23:24:00.002+07:00

Today a friend came to Malacca. LOL. She was supposed to celebrate my Birthday with me the night before, but due to several obstacles, we dint manage to meet up. So, today yy, lee suan and I went around Malacca for a walk.

Malacca is a small city though. Nothing much really. But the fact that both of them came all the way to see me, this is already a thing. Well, is the thought that count ma. We had our breakfast and lunch, walk around the town, drive around Malacca, and finally send yy to the bus station. Thanks to Lee Suan.

Yy collected and made a video of "collection of birthday wishes" from a few friends. LOL. It is funny why so many people call me to grow up. =.=!!! LOL...but it is nice! After a few years, it will turns into treasure! Haha!

Thanks my Friends for all the birthday wishes. Thanks to yy, it really takes an effort though.

Road Trip 2-Penang

2010-08-01T22:04:00.000+07:00

Penang is heaven-like. I had been there for many times, but had never notice that until now! This time, my mission is to taste food. Nice food. We have a tour guide this time. He is my new friend, my friend’s brother’s friend’s friend, Ernest, and really thanks to him that we had this opportunity to taste all the best food in this island!
When we reached Jetty, we walked to the nearby places to enjoy the scenery. The weather is real nice but hot!

Then we wander around the street, and saw Cinderella walked pass. Penang is indeed an eventful place. Within an hour, we saw a Cinderella pumpkins (a wedding), more than 10 ferraries pass by (no idea what event is this), and a few treasure hunt team. Wow.

We visited a Light house, walked up into it and view Penang from on top.

After that, we met Ernest, and he brought us to Fort Cornwallis. The fort has a few prisons and a few cannons. But, they are well preserve though.

Then, Ernest brought us around the town, introduce us the building etc. and then brought us to eat their famous Char Kuey Teow 姐妹炒粿条(forget to take photo, coz we too hungry edi=P). We also stop by to eat some Apong. Nice! Different from what I buy from Malacca.

We bought some souvenir too from Him Heong, just in case it closes.
We went to pick up sea shell from the seashore. Lol. I never seen a beach with seashells bigger than both my fists! Wow! Our tour guide helped us to pick up one seashell each! LOL. Nice!

After that, we went New World Park to eat “Four in One” Ice Kacang, and Lo Bak! Nice!

Then, we ate Cendol is some street I dun knw the name of the street though, but Phua Chu Kang went before! And is real nice wei!

We ate Penang Asam Laksa in 发林shell油站。I thought Ayer Itam Asam Laksa was the best, but he said nowadays that place was nicer. LOL.. But seriously, it was great!

We had been eating whole day! Gosh! So, to digest a bit, we went to the Penang dam and drive around the town.

When night arrives, we stop by a shop near Gurney to eat Mua Chi. (again, I forget the name of the shop). The special thing about this mua chi is, each bites taste differently. I always ate Mua Chi with Peanuts only, but this one was special. I just love my tastebuds!
Then we stopped by a beach. The beach was bright at night!

Then we ate Penang Hokkien Mee aka Prawn mee for supper.

In the end, we stop at Coffee Island for a drink.
Rose Tea.

Ernest bought a cake for his father, and thought that it was too hot to leave in the car, so he brought down. Then he said, ‘this place offer promotion for birthday people’. It was around 12.00am, exactly on 1st august! So, I was excited “really! Today is my birthday leh! Got promotion de ar!”
Then he was like ‘your birthday?! then we finish this cake la, we happy happy lo’
OMG! SO MUCH! The Box was big lar! And we just ate soo much!!! DAMN FULL!!! Gosh, my brain was running, trying to find an escape route
‘don’t want eat meh, then sing a song for us la’

-.- after self-conflicting and brain twisting, and several argument, finally I decided to open the box, and have planned to close it immediately.

But when I opened it, this thing appear infront of me.
LOL. It was actually meant for me! And Ernest was such a good actor lor.

Zzz… Poor bear, I had to cut through you…

I celebrate my 1st hour of 21st birthday like this. LOL.. memorable? Yea…

Road Trip 1 Perlis

2010-07-30T00:37:00.000+07:00

The journey to Perlis was long and tiring. Tze Yin father drove us to LCCT early in the morning (2 hours). We took an early flight to Penang (50 minutes-so short we dint even notice time flies), took 401 bus to Jetty (45 minutes of scanning KL-like-view), took a ferry to mainland, took City Liner bus to Alor Setar and then to Perlis. When we reached Perlis, it was already 2pm in the afternoon.

We took our lunch (sorry no photo ‘cause we were too hungry) and then depart to the north. I have to say that zijing and her friends were very friendly and hospitable in accompanying us and planning everything for us. Moving around this small yellow blue city (many structures and buildings are yellow and blue just like the color of its flag) with a car is much easier and convenient. Thanks to Siew Tze. And zijing of course.

We went to collect the Bak Pau we ordered earlier. Apparently that was the only famous shops that sell famous pau. Gosh, it was bigger than my face!

After that, Zijing drove us to Padang Besar. With her terror driving skills, thank God we reach safely. Her juniors showed us the way, opening their car doors once in a while. LOL… maybe they dun have air cond in the car.

Padang Besar is the border between Malaysia and Thailand, so we get to eat nice Thailand food!!! Cool!

Thailand Tomyam! Cukup rasa!!!!

Somtam! the taste was just perfect!

You Rui, Zijing, Tze Yin and me!

In the shops!

There is a market selling all sort of Perlis food. Zijing said Perlis is a monsoon tropical country, thus in this rainy season, it is likely to pour and very unpredictable. While we were bargaining, we were so lucky we met the rain. It pours, turning the market into wet markets. A spectacular view though we almost bathed when the one of the canvas accidentally fell.

We walk pass custom too, creating a lot of scene and laugh. LOL.. apparenty UPP officers like zijing type of girls. =P

After that, we drove to Arau and Kuala Perlis. On the way, there were Paddy Field and Sugar Cane. Not forgetting beautiful mountain and refreshing air. It is like stretches and stretches of greens, wow!

sugar cane plantation

After we checked in, we went to Zijing Maktab for a while before going for Dinner in one of the famous seafood restaurant near the Jetty to Langkawi Island. Siew Tze and Ming Pei join in the dinner. Aha! Two new friends.

Seafood!!!

After dinner, Charles suggested us to move out to the balcony to take some photos. It was dark, but we can see lights from the jetty. Then when I was testing on my night snap shot, I heard people singing Happy Birthday song from behind. Gosh! I was surprised! How does this happen! My new friends who I just met for a few hours actually brought the cake there and actually join in the surprise. I was sooo touched and shocked!

The night ends with some pillow talk and laughter. It had been so long since I ever had that kind of warm talk with my friends. Loving it!

Detach

2010-07-29T14:18:00.002+07:00

Perhaps I can come to a conclusion that, everyone gets their downs, at certain point in their lifetime. And as always, when you are down, u felt that no one will ever understands you. And the pain you felt will be so excruciating, unbearable, invisible, stab through your heart. And it often happens when you lose something or someone, important to your life. You felt like life is empty, life is nothing, you can’t see further from where you stand. That was when you were from the first person view.

When you are in the second person view, you felt some pain, but not all. You watch the suffering; you try to recall how you felt, what you need, but often helpless. You know you were once down, but the pain was no longer there. Psychology work someway to blocks it away, and you were quite numb at that point. You know you had pain, but recalling nothing but battle scar. So, you tell yourself you need to be there. That’s all they need. And perhaps, you will tell them all the advices you gain from your experience, do all the good things others have done to you, hoping they will heal a bit. It was like trying to recall how hard UPSR paper was when you were that age.

When you are in the third person view, things seem to be so far away. Somehow, you will avoid people in bad mood. Then you will tell yourself, maybe you dint know the whole story. You will criticize. Then you watch those gradually transform, locking themselves in their own world, own closet. The feeling was like watching a drama, a gossip topic.

I am in the point of life, where my pals and I are constantly thinking, yet constantly confused. And all of a sudden, the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling became so useful.

“Tuesday With Morrie” Learn to detach from emotion suddenly make all the sense to me. You won’t understand when you have never experience it. You won’t know how to detach when you never find a way yourself. Life is all about venturing into the unknown, and discovering.

“But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. … I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.”
…
“Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely – but eventually be able to say, ‘All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.”

(Tuesday with Morrie)

Saturday Clinic

2010-06-26T16:47:00.002+07:00

In Saturday Clinic today, the skills lab was changed into clinical setting for us to examine the elderly patients. They were invited here for free clinical check up by us, second year students. LOL. Wonder how much we know to examine them. My first patient was….

At first, she asked whether she has to come for follow up every time she has any problems. LOL, I doubt she knows the fact that this is our uni skills lab and not a clinic. Ok. Nvm. As usual, I did anamnesis on her, asking her a few questions. She answered as if I am a real doctor. I was quite relieved then. When the male doctor went out for a while, she whisper to me that she was actually in pain on her left breast, which was mastectomy not long ago and she was quite afraid to say out loud. My brain was running, and I try to be as professional as I can, even though this is the first time I heard about phantom pain after mastectomy. Then, she let me do the physical exam on her left breast! She said, “For my own health, I must not be shy. I hope you can help me solve my problem, I did be very very grateful, insya Allah.” Goodness. This is the first time I see breast which is not mine, what more a masectomised one. I try to detect for tumors if there is any, but I guess she is just having phantom pain. Then, I continued with lung exam as she complains of coughing for very long. The truth is, I really have no idea how to solve her problems as she refuses to eat any pain killer by the doctors. My knowledge is too shallow to find any solution for her. She looked at me hopefully, but I have to tell her I am not good enough, and watch her disappointed eyes. Oooo.. I wish I am a better doctor.

My next patient was an old man, who claimed that he has good memory, but unable to remember his phone number and a few items that I showed him. He has a scare cornea and I saw the distorted cornea of his. LOL. I am not sure of my diagnosis, but I think I dint see direct pupillary reflex on the traumatized eyes. Besides hypertension, diabetes, and a scare cornea, he is otherwise fine.

Well, I guess I need to study more in order to be a good doctor. Sometimes, it is really painful to hear hopeful words yet receive disappointed expression from patients. Anyhow, this is sooo interesting. hmm...

Love

2010-06-20T02:13:00.006+07:00

He is always there for me. He supports me no matter what happened. He asked nothing from me, but gives everything that I have asked for. He has faith on me, rain or shine. He talks to me about life. He drives me everywhere I want to go. I lose my temper when I fail to understand my work, he patiently taught me, even though he had to revise SPM books. Anything I want, just a call, he will manage everything for me. Yes, everything.

The one and only man I loved the most, is my father.

I have always thought that, every father cleans their house, drives their kids to school, and arrange everything for the house. I just realized that I was wrong. Many fathers are strict figures to their kids, my father played with me. Many fathers come home and watch TV, my father quit watching TV with us. Many fathers rather read the news than sweep the floor, my father even irons all our cloths and put them in the right closet, every day. Many fathers believe in “man’s pride”, my father believes more in love.

Sometimes I think, I shall never find a boyfriend, because it is quite impossible to find a better man than he is.

Happy Fathers day.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails

Screwed up timetable

2010-06-12T17:30:00.005+07:00

OSCE date was shifted from July to August, burn one ticket.

Remedial date was shifted to 20th July, burn another ticket.

Block 3.1 was delay one week, burn another ticket.

But, until now, they cannot decide the actual dates.
I flipped through my calendar, and start studying the dates and my flight details. Our time table is extremely weird. Holiday from 20th july to 15 august. Then I have to take drive all the way up to KL, take an expensive plane, fly from KL to Yogya just to sit for my OSCE on the 19 August. After that, take another expensive plane, fly from Yogya to KL, drive down to Malacca. On the 29th august, I have to drive all the way up to KL, take an expensive plane, fly from KL to Yogya, just to attend five days of class, before my next 2 weeks holiday.

20th july Yogya to KL-Malacca

15 august Malacca-KL to yogya

20 august Yogya to KL-Malacca

29 august Malacca-KL to yogya

4 september Yogya to KL-Malacca

19 september Malacca-KL to Yogya

I think I am busier than a stewardess. 6 flights in two months time! Of course, I am unhappy. Academic calendar changed without informing us. We told JPA officer and were scolded for complaining. A meeting was hold for us to ASK anything. Now our batch even restrain us from expressing out in facebook. Like a typical politician, trying to stop the truth from spreading through media.

Where is the right to speak? Where is the right as students? If anyone wants us to stop saying bad things, they should start doing things more efficiently and not blindly stop us from talking. Look, we praised Mas Mudji for his efficiency in printing notes, not because he asked us to, but we feel it from heart. If you want to sleep in tutorial, everyone will be talking about it. As simple as that.

Evacuation 2010

2010-05-31T17:44:00.004+07:00

I lied on the drag bar, staring at the cloudy night sky with full moon. XW said, when the sky is cloudy, it will turn a slight violet color. Yes, it was cloudy indeed, covering up all the stars above. My legs immobilized, and my whole body waved rhythmically at every step of those carrying me. Once in a while, I heard people asking, “Are you alright? Are you still conscious?” But, more often, I heard commotion and people complaining that they were tired.

Same time last year, I was being carried on the drag bar. I fell into the huge drain during TBMM evacuation, my ankle twisted, and the fluid in my semicircularis duct and cerebellum dysequilibrate for a while causing dizziness and sort of orthostatic hypotension. So, I was unable to walk and was carried on the drag bar for a distance. This year, I was immobilized on a drag bar, not because I fell down or something, but I am a member of TBMM and played as a victim. Zzzzzz

The juniors tied me up, and carry me on their arms or shoulders. Once in a while, I was left right in the middle of the road, because they think 37kg is much too heavy for them to handle. God… I am proud to say that i think we did a better job last year. At least we were fast enough and we do all the correct procedures. They seem a bit blur though. Somehow rather, it was fun being carried by people, haha pity them.

My station was in the so-called ghost house, which was a distance from the campus. Screw that damn ghost house, no toilet. I ran to the nearby lodge and asked for toilet; in the dark, I faintly saw one girl staring at me with her big eyes. For a moment, I thought I was talking to a non-human. I quickly ran away and met the “grave guard” to substitute me while I ran to the campus toilet. After my post ended, Me, Ge An and Eunice went to other posts to help out. Hehe. Then we together with Lailai went to Mc D.

Weird, I never know the route we taken last year, not until now though. It seems so different when we see things at night. But, reminiscent reminiscent, one year had passed.

Wesak in Borobudur

2010-05-29T11:45:00.008+07:00

Yesterday was Wesak day, the day of Buddha Enlightenment. There was a very grand celebration in Borobudur Temple, which is around an hour drive from Yogyakarta. The traffics were very heavy in the morning. I heard there were a few Monks who came all the way here, and thus many Buddhist and travelers came, even fly from Malaysia. I was quite busy and only able to follow the night session.

When we reached there, we were quite late. It had passed the visiting hours and the guard wants us to leave our IC behind. Wing finally left his and we managed to walk pass the Guard Gates. Phew…. Then, we lost our way and a guy selling umbrella brought us in through the side doors. Haha. Now, we know how to break in Borobudur Temple. =P

The next thing I know, I was amazed by the majestic Borobudur temple. Never had I seen Borobudur at night, and this was….speechless.
Then, a few people offered us candles and we followed the parades, lead by a monk, around the Borobudur temple, accompanied by the chant. I am a Buddhist, but I had never followed a parade before and thus I was very very excited. After 3 rounds, we placed our candle on the ground, and there were many candles there, arranging in words of worship.

The moon was very very bright that night, forming a circle right at the tip of Borobudur temple, like an enlightenment of Borobudur temple. Marvelous.

Next, we light up the 孔明灯 (a huge praying lamp where you can wish for something and send up to the air). At first, we were just watching, then I asked a monk, “bisa tolong?” and to my excitement, he said yes! So, we started to help to light up almost 10 praying lamps with all different wishes. I accidentally punctured one praying lamp!!! I thought the monk would scold me or don’t need my help anymore. But, instead, he took another one, and wanted me light it up. Ohhhh… it was a great night. Seeing hundred of praying lamps on the sky, gradually getting smaller and turn into stars, carrying hundred of wishes, the feeling were great.

Me, Yinli, Leelee and Wing were separated from the groups when we rounds the Borobudur. After we lighted up the praying lamps, we started to search for the others. And due to some miscommunication, we ended up the opposite site of the temple and met 9 monks sitting in a row. I guess they are from Thailand as I heard them speaking.

We went back after that, contented.

我的梦想，被孔明灯，带上青天

visiting PG madukismo

2010-05-15T15:29:00.006+07:00

In conjunction with block 2.5 (adult), we went to visit a sugar factory to see the ergonomic of the workers. Well, I had never really visit a factory before, and it felt like primary school. Haha.

PG Madukismo is a sugar factory near Bantul. It has a long history and the factory function seasonally. (Funny, I thought sugar cane is not a seasonal plants.) Anyway, when we visited the factory, it was not sugar cane season, so they dint really produce a lot of sugar at that moment. Unluckily also, it was their lunch time, so basically, we just visited an empty factory, with the person- in-charge telling us how the factory and machines function and what the workers will normally do.

We sat on this small "train"(because there is trail on the road) to go to the factory from the main office. It moved extremely s-l-o-w and started to attract the pedestrian's attention. Some children started to wave at us. De javu, i thought i was in Safari.

These are the "trains" transporting sugar cane to the factory.

Workers blending the sugar cane. This picture can be used to write my reports. Haha.

Machines that produce sugar.... Too bad we can't witness the production ourselves.

block 2.4

2010-05-12T13:45:00.002+07:00

I wonder why God give me such a game to play. Some people said I dint study wide enough. So, I borrowed specialist’s book and start reading them. Maniac! Some people said I dint study to remember. So, I repeated the same lecture slides many many times and try to remember everything in it. Idiot! Some people said I dint understand. So, I understand everything.
God Damn It! I really do! I studied like more than 5 times for block 2.4, studied Sadock, study everything that I can. What the fuck to see I am ONE QUESTION away from A/B! God Damn It! WHY!!!!

I packed my bag and head straight home, skipped my tutorial. Just yesterday, I told Wing I ll do all the LO. Just this afternoon, I asked Rufus what time is tutorial. Just today’s lunch, I told Woan Siang to relax. And now, I am at home, skipping tutorial, unstable emotionally. I am not feeling that well. Even if i sit in the tutorial room, it would have meant nothing. What was my mistake? I don't know. I really really have no idea. And all my mum said was, “I can’t hear you!”

Screw the God Damn UGM. Screw you always make mistake. Screw you never arrange timetable properly. Screw you never set the questions properly. Screw you don’t know how to teach properly. SCREW YOU!!!!!

lameeee topic

2010-05-09T01:45:00.001+07:00

My stupid brother asked me an idiot question.
Is that even a question?
Life itself is already so disappointing. I desparately need to see more good people in my life.

人变兽(战歌之二)

2010-05-01T10:01:00.000+07:00

朋友，这年头真不容易过
你出城去看光景就有数:--
柳林中有乌鸦们在争吵，
分不匀死人身上的脂膏，

城门洞里一阵阵的旋风起，
跳舞着没脑袋的英雄,
那田畦里碧慧葱的豆苗，
你信不信全是用鲜血浇!

还有那井边桃水的姑娘,
你问她为甚走道像带伤--
抹下西山黄昏的一天紫,
也涂不没这人变兽的耻!

徐志摩

Borthered Sleep

2010-04-28T18:04:00.000+07:00

I am sick. Recently I have not been sleeping well. I keep having some kind of night mares. Once an octopus-looking monster keeps pin me on my bed. Then, the same monster, but, now, the arms look like rats. I am pretty sure there is nothing to do with the killing of rats in my house. But, the scary part is, I am not able to move my body, but was vividly awake. And, I could see the monster so clearly behind me, knowing it was a dream, yet unable to move an inch to break free. If the monster does not appear, I will most probable wake up in the middle of a conflict, solving some unsolvable problems. And there is this illusion that I fall from the stairs, accompanied by a reflex to jump back up. And it happens like a lot. I could feel my whole body jumping, regardless whether I am sleeping on my bed or just sleeping on my study table. Damn!

My circadian rhythm had been working so perfectly that I never fail to wake up around 5 to 6 in the morning, even when I am extremely tired. I will sleep back of course, but it feels so unreal. Nonetheless, I am lethargic, especially in the morning. If you say I have not been sleeping early, you are wrong. I did try to sleep early, but to no avail. Damn! Then, my friend found something on the internet. It is something called “Sleep Paralysis”. Gosh. I really think I fulfilled all the symptoms. I am too stressful.

Now, I am down with flu and headache. The funny thing is, only the left part of my head felt that dizziness. I guess the nose block on my left sides affects my nerve, ‘cause when I made a sudden turn, there is an impulse sent straight from the back of my head to my nose and even my mid face. Yes. Is that bad.

学

2010-04-23T17:48:00.000+07:00

1、学会冷血，只对对我好的人好，对某些人，简直就是浪费感情　　　　
2、学会比以前快乐，即使难过，也要微笑着　　　　
3、学会孤独，没有谁会把你当宝护着，世界总是孤单的　　　　
4、学会坚强，其实一个人也可以活得漂亮，自己笑给自己看，自己哭给自己听　　　　
5、学会忍耐，该闭嘴就闭嘴，该沉默就沉默　　　　
6、学会珍惜，知心的朋友已经不多，如果再走，就真的只剩下自己了　　　　
7、学会视而不见，恶心的东西选择忽视，厌恶的东西选择屏蔽，不会再有人让我不快乐　　　　8、学会满足，所谓知足常乐　　　　
9、学会独立，不能再一味的麻烦别人，自己的事自己做　　　　
10、学会长大，不能再那么任性，那么幼稚，那么孩子气　　　　
11、学会认真，认真的对人，认真的对事
12、学会慎重，不该认识的人不要认识，不该插手的事不要插手

从facebook抄下来的。觉得还挺有意思的。也许这些就是我应该学会的吧。

滚

2010-04-21T21:48:00.003+07:00

妈的，自私到。。。还亏我对你降好！瞎了眼。吃大便啦！最好给我滚远远。根本不想看到你的脸。一脸欠扁，假惺惺。去死！知道你厉害，不用这样子的！

正。反

2010-04-20T16:12:00.000+07:00

喜歡一個人是一種感覺。
不喜歡一個人卻是事實。
事實容易解釋，
感覺卻難以言喻。

記住該記住的，
忘記該忘記的。
改變能改變的，
接受不能改變的。

失敗者找理由，
成功者找方法。

Futsal Tournament

2010-04-17T22:22:00.001+07:00

Futsal is over. I mean kinda over…. I guess I am enough with futsal, shall go for other sports. Considering basketball or pool (I don’t know how you spell it) Haha… Actually I really love futsal, it is fast, active and all about strategy and stamina. Kinda nice. But, on the other hand, I don’t really like that kind of team play. And one more thing, it is an expensive game. I wasted 60k on one week practices and 70k on jersey. Ok, maybe no very expensive, but hey, I can eat 10 meals with that okay.

Today’s match was ok, only that I played around 10 minutes out of the 56 minutes, just because I am inexperience, had only scored one before and can’t promise a goal, so I dare not say I wanted to substitute. So, must as well let those better players who wanna play to play lo, since they still got the stamina. I did offer though, but they wanted to persist despite their injury. They are good. Very good. Impressive. And many continued with thunder kick even though they were half limping. Gosh. I can’t beat that.

Actually there is another match tomorrow, but I guess I won’t have a chance to go down the court. I anticipate it to be rough and tough. I guess the other two strikers will play full time, so, I shall just go there, as team mates.

Introspection

2010-04-16T00:26:00.001+07:00

Suddenly I find everything about me unsatisfying.

I am not of my right weight. I can’t donate blood when one of my seniors met an accident and emergency needed A+ blood. And the thought of having the blood but unable to help is very disturbing. And I felt sorry about it.

I am not of my right height. When I talked to the juniors whom I am supposed to teach them about basic life support, somehow I felt unconvincing. I know it is just my imagination, but I see eyes of uncertainties. How nice if I am a bit taller, at least I don’t need to stand a bit further to look at some gigantic people.

I am not of my right size. When I played futsal, I felt people are damn huge. They keep blocking my way and my view. And with only a slight push, I am off the way. If only I a bit tougher. If only I am a bit stronger, my ball will go a bit further and more powerful.

And I wonder why some girls like to lie about being lighter than they are supposed to be. God Damn It! She is more than 55kg, and she claimed to be 45kg?! And only me believed it and give her a ride. And it is killing me to support her weight. And I have no idea how to say NO, every time she asked for a ride. Gosh. I am just 30++kg… pity me…

Futsal practice 3

2010-04-12T00:37:00.004+07:00

Hmm…. I guess I felt a bit tired now. When was the last time I have strenuous exercise? Let me count. Around two year! I had been sedentary for two years! That was long. Wonder had all my muscles atrophy. Compared JC PE lessons, these two hours futsal supposed to be nothing. But, I guess age had caught me up.

Practice was okay. I have no idea whether I improved, but guess so. Today my performance wasn’t really good. My right quadriceps muscle cramped during one of the shot. My left knee hematoma upon collided with someone. My gluteus muscles tried to protest. Till now, I haven’t really scored a goal in match. DAMN! I wonder why. But today’s match, I only played a while due to my leg’s condition. But Eunice was worse. She received a face shot from Effa! Girls can be quite rough sometimes. Heard of female lion?

The teams were set. Basically, first team followed the previous team. And the new members joined the second team. Something like that. Well, I guess I have to start communicating with my members. The problem is, when I get the ball, I looked down, so how the hell am I going to see where my members are? When i get the ball, but the goal post is behind me, how to turn my direction? And when i get the ball, i have a feeling, everyone is rushing to me! Scary man! Zzzzzzzzzz. And precilla kept telling me DON’T HESITATE! Ok ok... trying trying!!!

Tharan, Kenny and Kean seng came to see me play, according to them lar. Hahaha. Thank you thank you. But, I guess I am not that pro after all. I just wish my legs can be optimized during the match itself. Gosh. This is gonna be tiring. I need more protein.

Futsal

2010-04-10T01:01:00.000+07:00

One day, Hema came to me and asked if I wanna play futsal. I was thinking, I am not that busy nowadays, not bad trying something new. “Ya, I am interested, but who is in the team….”

So, this led to something in my blog. Today, 22 girls showed up in the futsal court. Never seen so many girls interested in futsal. I guess people are just as bored as me. But, apparently, they can be very good at it too.

The problem was, I have no idea how to play, the rules, the techniques and all! In short, I know NOTHING about futsal. I played. Rooban, Gan and some other guys helped to train us. Thanks to them. But, I still suck at it, I think. The moment I got the ball…. YES! I got it. So?... damn! I can’t shot! I can’t aim! The only thing I know is, GET THE BALL, GET THE BALL! Kinda funny huh, but hey, I can be quite fast sometimes.

So, I was thinking. Since I can’t shot, why not try some other things. Goalkeeper maybe. But Gan says, “no! you striker!” Many says, “you too small la dear!” T.T ok lo… But today, I assist in 3 goals! No bad huh! I liked Messy! And I am quite happy when the guys called me Messy! Hahaha…

So, without knowing how, I am in the team. There will be more practice this week, I guess. I wanna score one goal, at least one, to get free drinks from Kean seng. Hahaha!

Diary

2010-04-06T01:26:00.000+07:00

I bought a Printer Scanner! Yeah, finally get to print and scan myself! Yy accompanied me to survey the price of printer and with Vee’s opinion, finally I bought a Rp775k Canon printer+scanner+copy. Not bad though.

Yesterday, I watched “My Name Is Khan…KH..KHAN, from the epiglottis!” It was very very touching. I would rate it 5 stars! Not bad at all. But, I bet it wouldn’t really happen in real life. As in, how possible such men exist? I don’t know about you, but I have lost faith in human. I believe no man will have that kind of love and perseverance. And how possible he can meet Obama? But, still, this is totally a worth watching movie. I love it!!! Not to say I tears 3 times in that 2 and a half hour screening.

Start Study!

2010-03-28T01:04:00.002+07:00

I have been hibernating for very long time, I guess. But, to say the truth, there is nothing to be posted. I officially ended my busy life by quitting PKPMI, chosen the easiest job in TBMM, finished my CIMSA work. What else… I am actually free of responsibility now! Ok…. Despite Salsa and Waltz and some always-absence-tbmm-event, I have nothing to do actually.
Perhaps I have made up my mind to study like shit for the rest of my four years here. Dull and boring life, low profile and back to books. Staring back at my results, actually I dint really do well. I can’t remember a single thing of what I have studied. My pointer was less than 3.5. Am I paying insufficient attention?

A crazy thought just flash by. If I met an accident, suddenly unable to remember episodic memory but retained procedural memory, must I repeat my 1st year? Definitely… coz all my studies are stored in hippocampus without transferring to long term store. Ok… I don’t know whether my theory is right here. But, whatever. My point is…. I have got to get myself extremely familiar with all the mechanism, all the drugs, everything, transfer it to procedural memory, something I am as familiar as riding a bicycle, or bathing, or walking, as easy as that. I don’t wish to kill.

I can’t imagine the difference now. Why some people manage to remember sooo much from what we have studied last year, while me…. none… Perhaps that explain why I am not a four pointer, but that don’t give me an excuse. Why am I so sure that I have reached my limits? I don’t know. But one thing for sure, I have lost the determination.

So, i decided to give myself another chance. Shut down my busy life. Start concentrating, accept expert opinion, understand really well, memorise like shit, and see the results. I doubt i still my perseverance with me (i have no idea where it went), but, at least i must try, right? So... i guess there ll be lesser stories from me for quite some time.

to Solo

2010-03-06T01:36:00.005+07:00

I had 4 days of holidays, so I planned a trip to Solo. We hired a driver and depart from my house to Tawangmangu, which is around an hour drive from solo. It is a highland (gunung lawu) and we had to drive through Cameron-like-road on the way up. We visited Gronjongan Sewu, greeted by a bunch of monkeys trying to snatch food from us.
The scenery was cool. Nice waterfall. We had a small picnic there and took some photos too.

Me taking photos with Momo… (okay, I just named the monkey)

Yay, successful in taking a stroll down and up 1225 stairs.

We asked the driver to drive up the hill. Wow, nice…. Many huge mansions indeed and the air was chilly (at least I think so).

Next stop, we went to Candi Ceto. It was indeed a mysterious place. There were many figures where locals still offer prayers.

The gateway seems interesting. There were a few of these structures around and they seems like being separated into two...
There were many small stones turtles and the most interesting part was the figure on the ground. We know nothing about it, but it seems like there were some crabs, turtles, fish and different kind of animals arrange in a remarkable position. Later did I realise that ceto means sea monster in greek. The ground we stepped on, it sounded hollow. *suspicion*. A very mysterious place.

Look what they pray at!

We then separated into two cars and left for our own destination. A few friends and I went Sangiran Museum to see some anthropology bones. Apparently, there was some miscommunication and the driver mistaken that it was near when it is not, we were late when we reached there. There were 2 exhibition rooms and we only managed to see one.

After that, we went Olivia’s restaurant for dinner and then proceed to Solo Grand Mall for shopping before we return to yogya.

Cap Goh Mei dinner

2010-02-28T23:25:00.004+07:00

Cap Goh Mei nite. Since it is eastern Valentine Days, yinli was sugesting to cook and have a get-together to celebrate the last day of Chinese New Year. So, we invited all the single girls who have no dates to have dinner together. There was no ancient throw mandarin ceremony though.
okay.. maybe not all SINGLE girls. Some 'not available' girl sesat sini also...

food... by our great cook, Xiang wei and Yinli...

PKPMI Open House

2010-02-21T11:56:00.004+07:00

Yesterday, i went for PKPMI Open house in Hartz Chicken. Of course i went, because there is good food, and most of all, it is FREE. Aha... ketinnk!!
This is the only time we can meet all the seniors we never met. Apparently everyone is attracted to good chicken. =P

Photo after meal. Satisfied.
PKPMI biro pendidikan... yup... and i am officially off the post after one year of work and experience. yay! But, i still have to finish up the Jawa class stuff. T.T

And and... i am not involved in PKPMI anymore! hmm.. it is time to take a rest.

screw the lecturers

2010-02-18T16:57:00.001+07:00

Just because I SMILE at the lecturer for saying PUBLIC hair instead of Pubic hair, he called me to pay attention. Idiot man! I dint even laugh at you! You forget to take medicine isit??
“The smiling girl…” =.= ~~FUCK YOU!!!~~
Probably he knew he said stupid things repeatedly, so I became a black sheep to cover up his mistake. Puberty is puberty, not Pub-berty, okay! Insanity! Since smiling is prohibited, I guess talking would be a NO NO. Then, he complained, “Is silence in the class a good thing?” FUCK YOU! You got premenstrual syndrome isit?

Then the insane woman. The list to attend PKPMI open house at Chicken Hartz had been passing around the lecture hall. When it reached me, she asked, “why are you two passing the notes? The guy and the girl there.” YOU TWO?! ~~WHAT THE FUCK!~~ Are you blind or what? Okay. I forgive you, so I explained. She then said, “do you want to do it outside?” WHAT A SHIT! I TOLD YOU is a BATCH LIST! NOT my NOTES! Not even anything to do with me! I dint even intend to write anything inside! You must as well call the whole batch to go outside and pass the paper. IDIOT WOMAN. Dah la blind, deaf pulak. Not only that, pandai bark lagi. The staff in the Anthro lab directed us to the room, she scolded him and said, “Please don’t give instruction to the students” in front of us!! Aunty, can you be a bit polite? At least don’t scold him in front of us la!

Then we have a very very stupid lab session. We were directed to a room where we have to go in one by one to remove our cloths and examine our own sexual organs. In this case, breast and pubic hair for ladies while penis, scrotum and pubic hair for guys. =.=” We see them everyday, is this even necessary? After that, we were to write a report, describing OUR sexual organ! CRAZY! I don’t even know how to start an essay.

白石灰上色

2010-02-07T01:37:00.000+07:00

因为本小姐实在太有闲情了，所以我做了一件非常有艺术细胞的事。

我把子晶送给我的十五岁生日礼物（还是十六岁）给上色了！！！

前

后

还蛮满意本小姐的杰作的说。

都说我有艺术细胞咯。你看你看，是不是很好看？至少比白色好看吧。现在有生气得多。有色调的叻，我告诉你。太漂亮了！*高兴的傻摆*

我还把他给晒上几个小时叻。现在他就得乖乖坐在我的架子上。

可惜只有我懂得欣赏。

In the Kitchen

2010-02-07T00:21:00.005+07:00

Let me tell you what i did today. You won't believe it.
I baked cookies!!!
Okay, to be honest, the recipe was prepared by mum, but i did the rest!
Kinda lame, but not so if you know that i made more than 5 trays of cookies!!

This is how they looked like. Not bad huh? (clap please). At least they were not out of shape.

Oh, i also put the cherries on top. Believe me, it was a lot of work.

This is how they looked like after sitting in the oven for 10 minutes. But, mum was the one sitting beside the oven to take it out. If me, i guess all will turn charcoal black.

Then i put everything in the containers for chinese new year.

Wait wait wait. I am not done yet. Today, i cooked dinner for my family too. (clap please). But again, mum was standing beside to tell me what is the meaning of "cooked". If she wasn't there, i guess everyone is gonna have Sushi for the night.

My New House

2010-02-04T01:21:00.005+07:00

I love my house!!! I LOVE MY NEW HOUSE. Of course, i still miss my old house, and sometimes, in my dreams, the image of my old house is irreplacable. But, still, i like this house. Despite the fact that it is kinda far (maybe because i have no idea how to go back home), it is huge... and of course, comfortable.

So, i couldn't wait to show people my new house. But, apparently, i guess no one will pay me a visit. So, as vain as i can be, let me show you here. Follow me to the hall...

And here is the Garden

My kitchen...

The hall upstairs. And that is my brother.

Okay, here comes my room. I love my room, 'cause i finally see spaces in my room. Compared to the one in Indonesia, "finally, i can breath!" Well, saw some empty space there. It is supposed to be occupied by a book rack, packed with medical books, and a mirror. Perfect!

my bed. Queen Size leh! So nice! The walls are empty... hmmm... considering to build a puzzle and frame it. Nice...

Okay. Done ss-ing...

Back Home sem break

2010-02-01T11:52:00.005+07:00

I am home. Finally. Everything seems perfect! A huge new room, around 3 times the room in azarine. A new house which seems a bit too big, because I thought I heard echo when I speak in the dining hall. Wonderfull. It is just awesome. And I am spending time with my lovely family. Though they might seem irritating at times, but at least I can’t sense evil in their smile. This is just somewhere I belong.

Bro has been holidaying for very long. And he is starting to get very lazy, staring at the computer whole day, refusing to help in household and refusing to find a job. I guess mold will start to grow on him. But still, he refuses to do anything. The only things he knows how to do is kept spending. Spending time, spending money, spending everything that he has. When I try to save money, he is spending everything that I save. Somehow, just as I see some people, “look that him, he only knows how to take money from his parents.” “My God, can’t she find a job rather than shaking her legs and home and be proud of it?” “Can a guy be more gentlemen?”…. Everything reflects on my brother. Sometimes I just wish he did grow up. But I have a feeling; he did stick to the family until he gets married.

Sis is studying hard, yet making less progress. I use to wonder, how hard is it to study. I always though she dint make any effort. But, now that I finally find difficulty in studying medicine, that I realize, there is always a limit in everyone. I did feel like banging my head into the wall, trying to key in data in my hippocampus. And when everything just came out of order, it is not you that decides. The only thing you can do is try to handle the glance around you.

I hadn’t met any of my friends yet. Nobody is in hometown currently, at least I din’t know anyone is back just yet.

Currently, to do list

Clean and pack my room

Change the camera that I just bought. It makes stupid sound, I must tell the shop.

Check out the price for new printer and scanner.

Key in data for summer course

Find a suitable video for Jawa Class

Get my old hard disk repaired

Shopping for new clothes, if mum insisted

Help mum bake some cookies

Find a bookshelf for my room

Find a body size mirror for my room

Find a desk for my room

Visit my grandma

catch up with old friends when they come back

Celebrate CNY. Yay…

无聊文章

2010-01-29T02:58:00.000+07:00

考完试了，无所事事的感觉反而很怪很怪。很不习惯没事做的感觉，有点内疚感。我于是骑着单车往电影院跑去。朋友都看过《Sherlock Holmes》了，而我还没有。看来也应该不会有人想看第二次吧。所以，还是自己一个人去算了。Kenny说一个人看戏很可怜的，旁边没人，死命叫我不要去。我倒也没什么感觉，至少我不需要笑着脸社交吧。还真够好运的让我坐好位，更巧的身边真的一个人也没有。作为holmes的第一粉丝，还好没让我失望。他还是那么有型，那么酷。

我真的觉得自己胆子变大了也。回家途中还遇上一群不怕死的mat rempit. 造理说，一个女孩自己在近十二点的公路上，应该会慌吧。可是，我没什么，只放慢速度让他们先。。。就这么想，难道往后进入没什么朋友的成人阶段，如果朋友都不看戏，难道自己也要戒掉这一大乐趣吗？岂不是更可悲？

雨后的冷风刺进骨子里。我突然觉得人很小很小。很寂寞。很孤单。说真，虽然朋友看起来真的不少，但是要遇到像Watson酱，出生入死的知己好友，反而有点不可能。怎么Holmes那么令人讨厌，Watson还是那么有义气？此类人，遇上了，死而无悔。我敢说，如果在这里能让我遇上一个，就一个，我宁愿放弃那堆需要笑着面对、鞠躬尽瘁的朋友。哈哈。这句话我好像只说给一个人听。

“我答应你，我会永远保持这段友谊。到印尼后，务必守望相助。如果你不跟我做朋友，我会很可怜的。”哈哈。我还可真相信。现在倒是，有问题的时候来找我，没问题的时候，当我不存在啦！有人说，酱她还当你是好友嘛，至少有问题，她还是会回头望啊。那至少我还是她唯一的靠岸。可是，我有问题的时候，又有谁来怜惜我？算了。反而是我扮演Watson的角色了。是酱的吗？朋友说的对，适可而止，不应太相信，太投入，这样会伤得更深。可是，就不知道是习惯，还是恶作剧，怎么就是那么投缘。难道每个人都会觉得根她说话投缘？

如果真诚是一种伤害，我选择谎言；
如果谎言是一种伤害，我选择沉默；
如果沉默是一种伤害，我选择离开。

上天不是应该比较喜欢傻孩子的吗？那就希望他赐给我一个Watson吧。等等。。。我可不要像Watson酱的男友哦。看他对朋友比对女友好，我一定吃醋的。更何况，不知何方的命理书说我容易吃醋。还可真想太多。哪个男生喜欢我酱的女生，即出不了饭厅，又进不了厨房的。很多人都说因为我挑，所以现在还是单身。可是，我还是觉得不是我挑啦。我的条件就只一个啊！怎么都遇不上叻？如果要我因为寂寞谈恋爱，那还是算了。

考完试真的好空闲，好无聊。一大篇无聊的文章都写得出。无聊~~~

Ants-filled-milk-powder

2010-01-25T01:23:00.000+07:00

A bunch of stupid ants visited a pack of milk powder. And, they went missing in it. Gosh! I checked the expiry dates written on the packet. 26 February! Gosh! I have more than half a kg of ants-filled-milk powder to finish in one month. All this while it had been so isolated that I almost forget about it. I dig a few scoop of it, put some boiled water, and a few dead bodies floated up. Reminded of the starving African kids, I scooped up the dead bodies, and poured the whole cup right through my oesophagus. I am going to do that every morning and night. Extra Calcium and extra protein. =.=”

I guess a few more days later, it will ends up in my luggage flying back to Malaysia.

Rest in peace

2010-01-20T00:58:00.001+07:00

When somebody leaves us, it changes something. But life moves on, and we continue living, only without him or her around. And it definitely hurts for the loves one left behind.

I never know her, or perhaps I shall say, I only know more about her after she left. She is one year my senior. I seen her before. But, that is not the main point.

I read her blog. The latest entry was just a few days before she met the accident. I was thinking, did she knows that she is gonna die? If she knew, what will she do in the very last moment in life? Obviously she wouldn’t have expected that to happen. Then, I was looking for any sign and symptoms from God, or any indication that her life reaches the end. But, nope. None. It is just too sudden. A crash just robbed away her last breath. It must have been a painful tragedy.

Paintball, Concerts, Birthday parties, meet up with buddies, laughter with friends and family, who would expect that to be the last? And happy life just ended… like that. She is too young. And leaving behind, were all her family and friends that love her so much.

Rest in Peace, my friend.

Bahasa Jawa

2010-01-14T21:25:00.003+07:00

Nomo kulo Hui Ying. Umur kulo kalih doso. Griyo kulo ing jakar. Dherek napangaken. Asmo panjengenan sinten? Yoswori panjengenan sinten? Mangan dereng? Nyuwun pangapunten, kulo saweg boso jawi.

I am learning Jawa-nist language. Hahaha. Cool though. And, I make an effort to help in organising it. It isn’t that difficult actually, but it makes me a little bit busier than usual.

Jawanist language is slightly different from English. When you are speaking to friends, to elder, to siblings, you have to use a different words, different phase. Jawanist respect the elders, so they will use Kromo inggil when they talks to elderly people. But, they used kromo to describe self, and ngoko for more lower class conversation. But, it is totally confusing when you start learning it. For example, nomo, means name, but that is only used to describe your own name, like “my name”= “Nomo kulo”. But when you say “your name”, you can’t say nomo panjengenan. You have to say “asmo (means name also) panjengenan”. That is the first thing I learned. Not bad huh, but still a long way to go.

Samenika sampun sango langkung sedoso. Kulo kepingin ajor. Sugeng dhalu.

心软

2010-01-12T11:31:00.000+07:00

我又心软了
╭┴┴─────┴┴╮
│　　　　　　　　　│＼｜／
│　●　　　　　●　│─☆─
│○　╰┬┬┬╯　○│／｜＼
│　　　╰─╯　　　／
│─┬○────┬○╯
╭│ │╮
╰┴─────┴╯
是棉花做的吧

Keluarga Besar Waria Yogyakarta

2010-01-05T22:12:00.004+07:00

21 students from Sweden came down for their elective block on Global Health. So, as I am one of the CIMSA members, I was called to accompany them, and be a translator for them. Initially, I was told to translate lecture on HIV, AIDS, and TB given by NGO. So, I nodded my head, since it was regarding my curriculum. Little did I know it was so impressive.

A change of plan, so I were to accompanied them for lunch as well. Then, I realised Swedish were so polite when they eat. Somehow, I felt like I am not eating the food, I am engulfing it. Their food was nicely arranged on their plate. Mine was just meant to be dumb in my stomach.

Next stop, we went to a place named Kebaya. I thought it was a place where we see batik and kinda stuff.
But....
The people that welcomed me at the door looked somewhat weird. I couldn’t tell what is weird, but those “man” or “women” are weird. I noticed their thick make-up, so I thought they wanted to perform for us. After I seated down, only I notice
“Center for transgender of Yogyakarta”!!!!
OMG!

Those people we see on street, which sing for us and asked for some contribution. Those people working as a sex worker, trying to make a life. Those people when they passed by, we will say, “hey look over there.” Ya, i was there. They were called Waria, and their organisation named Kebaya (kelurga besar waria Yogyakarta). And only did I know there is an organisation named LGBTQ (lesbian gay bisexual transgender and questioning) also.

They are Waria, and apparently they are all very friendly.

A lot of them are of lower social economy, receiving no further education. But, fortunately, two of them managed to squeeze in university. They gave us lecture on how their organisations encounter HIV problems (since HIV is wide spread in their community). And of course, they talked about their life, how they encounter social bias, but still hold on to their believe; how they felt like being trapped in a man’s body and having a feminine spirit; how they try to make a living despite being treated differently. I must say, these people are really courageous and strong will. Imagine you being isolated from family and friends since young, being scolded for being what you are, how strong they are of making a life till now. Apparently, the pay they received for their anal sex service is just Rp20, 000 to Rp50, 000. As little as that. Ouch. I understand that most of them do not originated from Yogyakarta. They were isolated in their community, thus they came here to search for a community that will accept them as they are. And some of them actually form a family by adopting children on the street.

The students listened attentatively.

Me with Opi (09 CIMSA) and Ibu Fin (waria)

Somehow, after listening to their experience, I changed my view on them. Human, we are always different in our own ways. Hmm... somehow, I am really interested to know more psychological development of LGBTQ, such a strong internal conflict, I reckoned.

p.s. Well, one of our skill labs during fourth year will be held there, teaching us how to encounter sensitive issue, haha. Cool huh..

Checklist

2010-01-03T02:11:00.003+07:00

Checklist (or maybe wish list {or some stupid thing I did during free time (o.O free time?)})

· New house in Malacca(checked)
· New Room (checked)
· Forever there Family member (checked)
· Scholarship and chance to study(checked)
· Promising future (checked)
· Above cut-off point(checked)
· Full of activities lives (checked)
· A truthful friend ~~(suspend)~~ (checked)
· Kids-free (checked)
· Transport (checked)
· Freedom (checked)
· Rights to speak and rebel and do anything I want (checked)
· Friends of all kind (checked)
· Person-to-be-teased which is near (checked)
· Money to spend (checked)
· ability to organise trip and chance to travel (checked)
· being loved (checked)
· being helped (checked)
· good term with housemates (checked)
· Hate-free (checked)
· Enough food to eat (pending)
· Healthy ~~(checked)~~(pending)
· Wide connection (pending)
· A boyfriend (pending)
· Someone to love (pending)
· Lovable all the time (pending)
· Above 3.5 cut-off (pending)
· a chance to be lab assistant ~~(pending)~~ (dreaming)
· Nice figure (dreaming)
· 170cm (dreaming)

Not that bad what…
20 checked out of 30(fanning my ego).
2010 resolution: 24 out of 30.
Life would be perfect.

最后的宽容

2010-01-01T22:07:00.000+07:00

始终摆脱不了和你同组的事实。无所谓，以为再过几个月就能挥手道别，没想到，上天还是那么喜欢玩我，又让我们再次同组。天，需不需要那么大的玩弄啊！不知道是你变还是我变。怎么发现自己越来越不喜欢你。无奈无法形容。感觉告诉我，你确实不一样。你会说，“讨厌我，又怎么样？”以前的你应该会说，“我不要人家讨厌我。”酱的转变，是否表示你再也不管人家对你的看法，连我对你的批评，也不会放在眼里。你的目中只会有你自己的成就，自己的感觉，和自己的感情。还是对你而言，朋友已经不算什么。是我的错？

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要和好的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅伤得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的天空
最短的夜晚

谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我

是我的错，不能在你需要的时候出现，更不可能有机会发现你需要些什么。可是，我的离去，不是因为我不在乎，而是你不再需要我这样的朋友。我并不伤心。也许这些日子，让我更清楚发现，人可以变化无穷。人家说，不要爱上一个人的面貌，因为它不长久。然而变老需要整十年，而个性的转变就只须短短的一年。回首过去，似梦似幻，我会深锁心中，直到你回头。你的誓言就随风飘去，让我悄悄离去。也许这是最好的结果。

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
所以我
没有哭
没有说

你的出现让我学了很多。我不难过，只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂。终于决定把你放下。今后，你我各奔前程，互不相关。你开心伤心，再也以我无关。你和我擦身而过。离开一个不懂得珍惜我的家伙，这不算什么。我会过得更快活。

傻瓜

2009-12-31T01:40:00.000+07:00

当你说一大堆废话的时候，会不会有人傻到愿意做听众？
当你做错事的时候，会不会有人傻到认为你对而为你辩护？？
当你霸道任性的时候，会不会有人傻到任你放纵而莫不出声？
当你发现自己超级烂的时候，会不会有人傻到不离不弃？
当所有人认为你坏的时候，会不会有人傻到自投罗网？
当你伤心难过的时候，会不会有人傻到办小丑逗你开心？
当你离开远去的时候，会不会有人傻到等你回来？
当你无助的时候，会不会有人傻到为你烦恼？
当你需要的时候，会不会有人傻到为你奔波？

没有？

我有。

而我
已经开始想念
这些傻瓜了。

Retake or not?

2009-12-28T19:52:00.002+07:00

Retake? No? retake? No? retake? No?
This is killing me!
How can they change results!!!
This is soooo UNFAIR!!!!

Ok… hui ying, think rasionally…

Top 5 reasons why I should retake
5. Improve grade
4. Make my lowest B instead of B/C
3. Tell myself there is another chance
2. 3.42 is definitely not first class honour!
1. Detach from guiltiness

Top 5 reasons why I SHOULDN’T retake
5. Screw the programme, they just want to rob us daylight
4. Can anybody tell me why I should re-studying Health System of Indonesia?
3. Study in 1 week the block I couldn’t do better in 7 weeks is sooo ridiculous.
2. This is sooo tiring. I wanna concentrate on paediatrics.
1. I wanna go home.

So… now what?!
I wonder why I am in this now! I should be doing something I am good at. Numbers, calculations, graphs… Medicine is definitely not of my luck.
When I use to aim for 90++ in exam, now I can only wish for at least a B! 有一点酸酸的感觉
And watching some smart fellow announcing, “My MARKS improve from 87 to 90” while I can only say, “my GRADE is merely surviving” is so disappointing. 真是有够讨厌的说
And worse, no matter how much effort I put in, the output is still the same. 力不从心
This is biology; this is not Maths, not physics. You can’t count, there is no specific answer. Why am I in this field?! Don’t you think engineering suits me well? Gosh! 扯太远了
I shall stop wondering whether I am in the right field. Touching human or operating machine, I bet human still win. But… but… we only apply 10% of what we study in our work!!无聊。
So, what is the point of studying!

Retake? No? retake? No? retake? No?............. =.=”

I guess not… God Bless Me

Surabaya-Bromo trip 3

2009-12-27T14:21:00.004+07:00

We reached Bromo at 2am. It was freezing cold. Stupid me, I brought Vee’s cap, Vee’s scarf, but I forget my own gloves. SHIT! I rubbed my palm together and tucked them into my pockets, hoping it won’t freeze bite. The villagers there welcomed us with “mau naik enggak? Rp500…” What the hell. They looked scary and really like zombie wanting to eat our money. Gosh! I din’t know Bromo people can be sooo unfriendly. We thought buying tickets from the counter would be cheap, as xiang wei and the man we paid just now said. But, it seems like the whole villagers already complot. MY GOD. Buying tickets from the base might be cheaper though. Our driver is one useless shit. He cared nothing and continued sleeping while we faced all the money-eating-zombies. We accepted the offer Rp500k to take the jeep. But, then the dealer found another couple to add in our jeep. We planned to complot with the couple, but apparently failed. So, I told the dealer, “tadi udah janji 5 orang satu jeep, gak enak si, tambah 2 orang lagi.” Finally the dealer gave up and offer us Rp400 k for 5 people. Save my 20k.

The route up Penajakan was dangerous and OMG. I wondered how the driver drove. The screen is like a black box only. How the driver know when to turn and not collide into anything. Top driver! We reached the top, walked up, with torch light. Many Ojek were there, offering us for a ride. Go die la… blocking my way. We reached the top, waiting for sunrise. I think I see more butts than scenery. It was sooo crowded! The scenery was nice, beautiful, but only quite cloudy that day. We couldn’t really see the sun rise. Sad.

After that, we walked down. Lee Lee and Yinli lose their way, missed the jeep and went down. Then we had to find them with the jeep. Haha. Funny girls. Who say I cannot see clearly without a speck?! I spotted the jeep and save my energy walking down. But, it was so cold I felt my stomach twisting. Gosh.

Then, the jeep took us to bromo. Wow, for a few seconds, I thought I was in Sahara desert. Gosh, the scenery was… indescribable! It was sooooo cool. We took the pony up Bromo hill. I hate my Pony because it was not really that tame. This is my first time riding a pony! Cool! Then we took stairs up to the hill top. Gosh, this is even more speechless. After that we visited the candi at the base of the hill. Nice.
The jeep brought us back to our car. Our driver finally awake. We asked him to bring us to Mandakaripura Waterfall. Again, I was stunned by the view. You have got to see it yourself. Stupid me, I wore white, and I left my umbrella in the car. We needed to climb a lot to reach to the waterfall, but it worth everything once we witness the view. Marvelous!
We bathed before we went down. Stupid me again, I brought my mother’s pants instead of mine, and it was too lose. So, I had to borrow Yinli’s. Aww…

We reached Surabaya around 4.30pm. We waited for our transport at TP. Then around 7pm, we went to Hotel Tunjungan, pretend we are checking in, use their bath room and took pictures outside the lobby. Haha. We departe back to Yogya at 7pm. This time round, we got a nice van. It has only 3 of us, well equipped with pillow, blankets, snacks, water, and most of all Air-Con… haha.

The whole trips only cost me Rp845,000. wahaha.

Surabaya-Bromo trip 2

2009-12-27T13:51:00.004+07:00

We were told that we couldn’t stay in the kost after 4pm. So, we must come back by 3pm to bath and packed. Just then, we realised we won’t have enough time to go Malang since the apple farm only opened at 7am and our travel back is either 7am or 7pm. So, we cancelled our Malang trip and went to check out train ticket at Station Gubeng. Apparently the entire executive seat was sold off, so luckily I had a travel number to call. So, we book three seats to travel back the next day.

We wanted to cross over the Gubeng station to Muzium Kapal Selam. So, we asked a cleaner there, and we managed to walk through the train station, without any ticket! Haha. I can board a train without ticket it seems. We met Jemey and Hajar in the museum. I had never been into a submarine before, so it was an eye opener for me.
After that, we asked direction to go to Cheng Ho Mosque. It seems like even the taxi driver have no idea where it was. So, when we finally reached there, only did we know that it was not actually a tourist spot. But, it was really weird to see all the Chinese Praying in the mosque. They spoke Chinese to us too. Poor Yinli again. The chairman of fundraising section welcomed us. He even introduced us all the structures of the mosque. Apparently, the mosque was a unity of Chinese 八卦, Christian element, and muslim Al-Quran. Wow. He even bought us to meet a lady doctor from China who worked as a volunteer here. Then, he opened us the store and let us take pictures with the huge statue of Cheng Ho. Friendly man he is.
After our lunch, we decided to move on to Patung Djoko Dilog. It was known as an incarnation of Raja. So, we asked for direction from the Security Guard in the mosque. They said is very near here, but if take taxi, it would be quite far because taxi need turn one big round. So, they offered to give us a ride there. Haha. 3 foreign girls on 3 security bikes, off to our destination. Well, as I roughly know the roads, and after all it was daylight and in big city, we took on their offer. The Patung was a disappointment because it was closed. Then, we planned to go Plaza Surabaya. So, the three security guards again offer themselves. Haha. We were sooo lucky. They even introduce us to all the different building aroung Surabaya, and tell us nice places to visit. Oh…. Cool!!!! As we spotted the Sura versus Buaya monument (that is how the name Surabaya derived), we decided to stop by to take a photos. We din’t buy any ticket to pass by the monument kapal selam, we showed them the one we bought this morning and success in walking in. Haha.
After that, we departed back and cleaned ourself.

Then we went to Galexy for the rest of the night, waiting for our transport to Bromo. We paid the cinema guard to take care of our bags and went shopping, bag free. Haha. Around 11, our transport came. We dealt with the man, and he really looked fishy, wanting us to pay beforehand. We asked him to sign a note for us, and he did. So, off we go. Then, the driver asked us, who is the man that was talking to us just now. My heart stopped awhile! We just paid a man that the driver doesn’t even recognize?! OH GOSH! After explanation, we knew that they belong to different agent, and yes, we can pay the man… phew…

Surabay-Bromo trip 1

2009-12-27T13:44:00.005+07:00

We reached Surabaya around 7pm, due to the stupid driver. The stupid driver tried to con me and wanted to drop me at Dharmawangsa when my actual destination was Dharmahusada. YOU THINK I STUPID AR! Luckily I am smart enough to notice the road sign and direct the driver to our destination. SCREW that man! Padan muka you broke your side mirror!

We were warmly welcomed by Lee lee’s friend, Yan Ying. Then the Ibu Kost prepared the room for us. Cool, Air con room!!! We bathed and sleep for a while.
8.30 am (almost nine). We departed to eat our breakfast. But it was not open until 9.30am. So, I changed the meeting time with Jemey to 10 am. While waiting, we saw a tall building written “RS Specialist”. As future doctor, we went in to explore. Haha. The hospital had not open for visitors. But, we went in through the side door and were stunned by the decoration.“Do we need to pay a ticket to come in.” Yinli said.
We explored the hospital and found that it was well equipped with Doctors’ Club and Helipad! Cool! A very very high class hospital!

9.30am we ate our brunch. The portion was sooo big we couldn’t finish it. Yan Ying was really a hospitable host that she even paid for our breakfast. We spotted an angkut that could bring us to Tugu Pahlawan. So, we each paid 3k to reach our destination. We met an old uncle who spoke Chinese.
“我当然会讲华文啦，这里老一辈的都会。你们要去哪里？”
“噢。。。tugu pahlawan. 我们应该哪里下车？”
“前面就是了。等下过桥后，不久就可以下车。”
Poor Yinli, she has no idea what he is talking about. And there was once that man scolded the younger generation for not learning Chinese. Hahaha.
When we reached there, Jemey and Hajar hadn’t arrived. We met two guys that tell us we need to register at House Of Sempoerna for free bus. Haha. While waiting for Jemey, we round the whole area and admire the old building around. When we returned, Jemey arrived, but the two guys disappeared. Are they angels that only we can see?

We went to House of Sempoerna. It was a cigarette muzium. Indonesia produce a lot of cigarette a year, and we were stunned by the speed they produced it. The workers actually have to roll 500 cigarettes in one hour and they only get Rp100 per cigarette. They worked like machine.
“is this for real? Or is this just a screen?” we looked down from the visitors area at the workers.
Then we registered for SHT (FREE BUS). We met two nice girls who introduce us Surabaya. They even told us the direction to all our destinations. Haha. I am more than glad we met all the nice people throughout our trips. And the girls were real nice they even helped us to take photographs and tell us everything throughout the trips. I guess Surabaya people were generally friendly and helpful. SHT took us around the central of Surabaya. We were told all the history and use of the old building left by the Colonial. We also went in Tugu Pahlawan and PPN XI. Nice.

After that, we left to Kya Kya. Although we were told that Kya Kya no longer exist as a place of interest, we still went there to take picture of the Gerbang.

Then we proceed to Pantai Ria Genjeran with taxi. We prayed while Jemey and Hajar went around taking photos. Then we crossed to another temple. It looks simple. I was looking for the main God in the temple until I reached the end of the temple. I opened the door and…. Wow!!!! Unbelievable. For once I couln’t believe my eyes! It was sooo huge. I felt like I am in heaven. With the cooling sea breeze and the majestic view by the sea, it was awesome!

After we prayed, we walked out to catch angkut to JMP. Then, we changed another angkut to TP. Another friendly lady helped us to catch the angkut. As I said, nice people are everywhere.
We waved goodbye to Jemey and Hajar, and met up with Yan Ying and Nita in Tunjungan Plaza (the biggest shopping mall in Surabaya). It was big, and we only manage to shop part of it. Again, that hospitable YanYing paid use her credit cards to pay for the near 200k dinner! Walao. To express our gratitude, we bought her present for Christmas.
We had a good night sleep in the air con room that night. Nice.

Surabaya-Bromo departure

2009-12-27T13:42:00.003+07:00

We departed for Yogyakarta Jombo station at 7pm. When we reached there, we thought we were late. But, in the end, we waited until 10pm before the travelogue actually arrived! Stupid Travel Company! The agent is one cute guy. He kept telling us, “orang sabar disayangi Tuhan.” And called the driver non-stop. While waiting, he taught us some Javanist language. Little did I know it comes in handy for my trip.

10pm. The travelogue arrived. Surprisingly, Jemey and Hajar were inside! WALAO! Beh syiok lo… the travelogue actually picked them up from their house and they paid 10k lesser than we do! SHIT! Apparently their agent was much better than ours! STUPID! Our bad luck. We paid Rp115 to travel from Yogya to Surabaya.

Half way through, the travelogue air-con broke down, and we were sweating like shit. Then, the driver hit something and broke his side mirror. I was too tired I din’t borther and continue sleeping. It was until morning that I realised we met an accident. I wondered if it's the driver’s bad luck or mine.

deal with kids

2009-12-22T00:17:00.001+07:00

I hate kids. Seriously. It is sooooo hard to communicate with them. Today is the first time I decided not to volunteer myself to perform History taking. I have no confident at all in communicating with children. I am so dead for OSCE. Read my blog, you will find all the grammatical error in my English. See me talk, you will find me pronouncing all the wrong words. With all the Indonesian kids who know nothing on English, and me sucks in Indonesian Language, it doubles the difficulty. Die Die Die. How to speak to them wei! What if they cry? What if they don’t understand me? What if they lose confident in this stupid doctor in front of them? Haizzzzz….

paint ball+chicken Hazt+dong zhi+visit hospital+dinner with TYT=tired

2009-12-21T23:35:00.003+07:00

I am such an asshole! Yesterday was hell of a busy. I was supposed to wake up early that day, but, i turn off my alarm and continue snoring. It was until Lailai messaged me and I jumped up my bed. But, still, I am too lazy, I turn her down and decided not to go for TBMM. Then, around 10.30am, Kean Seng called and asked me to go for paintball. Light just strikes pass. Paintball! It should be fun… but… but… I just refuse to go TBMM. But.. but… I promised Lee Suan and Shamini I will go with them. Just then, I have to make a call to the transport company and decide on which transport to take for my Surabaya trip. Erm.. erm.. paintball versus myself… finally I messaged back, “wait for me. 15 minutes.”

Bad decision. I was in my guilt the whole game. It was fun actually. I was teamed with Gan, Rooban, Chok, Chew. Star team, but just don’t know why we can’t win. And I played one on one with Leon. Who say small size fellow cannot be the last one standing? I shot Kean seng! But, still, hidden behind my guilt, I wish to go back as soon as possible. But, it turns up they decide to eat Chicken Hazts! Gosh!

In the afternoon, we had dong zhi celebration. Most of the Chinese gathered and we eat “winter ball” (tang yuan) together. Hmm… not bad though, but somehow, I find myself having no mood to socialize. Guess it starts off with a bad day.

Timmy was hospitalized due to alcohol intoxication. He drank too much the night before. So, we went to visit him.

After that, I rushed home and bath, on my way to attend a dinner with the TYT of Malacca. Good thing about students overseas is we get to eat free dinner everytime someone “big” comes to visit. This TYT of Malacca apparently wanted to meet all the Malaccan studying here. So, I attended since I can eat in Sheraton Hotel (5 stars) for Free. I thought it was just a normal dinner. But, it turns up the wife of TYT wants to sit with us. So, I have to sit with her, and it makes it much more difficult to enjoy my meal. Very funny thing is I got to sit in the VVIP seats and the TYT himself sit at the table in the corner. (bcoz his wife sitting in the VVIP and she wants to sit with the girls.) She had asthma and don’t have bile (she said that). So, she eats really little. So, we can’t eat that much. Lucky Ge-An, he got to eat peacefully. And the girl sitting beside me (Solo student) apparently is the daughter of a pangkat guy in Malaysia. So, she kinda chatted a lot with the TYT’s wife. Then, the entertainer infront kinda invite the “big” people to sing and dance. It ends up the VIP was singing, entertaining us student. =.=” then, they wants us to dance and sing along. =.=!!! The dinner ends late. And it is exhausting. Really really tired. I was drained….

daily horoscope

2009-12-20T02:25:00.000+07:00

Planning for surabaya 2

2009-12-19T23:45:00.004+07:00

One stupid thing about travelling during Christmas is we have to preplan almost everything. Hotel, transport, places to visit, the opening time…. And especially when we are girls and we are in Indonesia not Singapore, we have to take an extra precaution on something called, safety. We can’t do like Leon, go all random and asked for transport right on spot. We weren’t bold enough. We can’t do like Xiang wei, pay a little bit extra to get to the destination, cause we need to meet the budget. We can’t do like Wern Sern, take his time trying to find transport, because we only have 4 days of holiday. Okay. So, that makes all the different.

With the guys flying kites, we were left on our own. I wonder why we din’t follow our actual plan and try to fit ours with theirs. So, now how? I spend almost whole day searching for maps, travelogues, buses, tourist destination, hotels, tour groups, phone numbers... and I made calls and calls. No hotels in Malang! No transport from sura to bromo to malang (either too ex or the fellow says is impossible to do in one day). Damn! It gives me a real headache. Anyone in my situation would have given up. Gosh, I wonder what’s holding me on. The 100k I paid to transport to Surabaya? Maybe is my ego that hold me.

Now, almost everything settled. Except for one. I still don’t know how to get from Surabaya to Bromo to Malang. There must be a way!

听见-方雅贤

2009-12-18T08:37:00.000+07:00

你不开心的眼
仿佛将我推到悬崖边缘
距离就算在靠近眼前
我们一样没焦点
没有你的世界
就像寒冬没有春天依偎
少了你陪在身边我的四季只剩下冬天
悲伤喜悦回忆不断重演
静下来的世界
有我的思念也有你的空虚无边

你有没有听见
寂寞的声音悄悄在蔓延
它住进我们之间守候着我和你的永远

你有没有听见
思念的呼唤传遍每条街
就算你走的再远累了回头我就在你的身边

Spectacles and me

2009-12-16T17:39:00.008+07:00

Never in my life i am associated with spectacles. But, i guess, from now on, this frame is gonna follow me for the rest of my life. Fuck!

"ei, huiying, why is it meso-ectomorphic?" yinli asked.
"which one? I cannot see la. You can see meh?" i strained my eyes, wondering what she is talking about.
"YOU CANNOT SEE! YOUR EYESIGHT WORSE THAN ME! Xiang wei, borrow your specks."
xiang wei specks was passed to my hand.

God! It was so clear! All this while it was so clear for everyone but not me! OH GOD!!! I was thinking, why all the lecturer so stupid keep putting on unclear slides. The LCD in the lecture hall always have problems. Everyone also cannot see, don't know what the lecturer talking up there. But no! Everyone can see soooo clearly. I CAN'T!!! Oh my god, it takes me so long to realise that. how pathetic. All this diziness actually has a source, and i don't know about it. I guess i am gonna fix myself a frame as soon as possible.
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some follow up.... this is my new look with a specks and a random pic i took to show my brother. do i look nerd?

Planning for surabaya

2009-12-15T23:20:00.000+07:00

I wanted to go to Bromo, to Surabaya. I heard the view is superb. I heard Surabaya is Chinese city. I wanted to have a look. So, since Christmas is near, I was planning to have a trip down to Surabaya. At first Kean seng was planning, but, he insisted to follow train. Xiang wei and Wern Sern told me travel by train is expensive and not worth it. I was given a few numbers to contact for angkut and hotel. So, I was planning to go on my own. Luckily Lee Lee and Yinli were by my side. But, just the three of us? I am a little bit anxious and uncertain. I asked around and see whether I can get more people to join me to share out the money, but apparently, remedial just out, so everyone is struck with “Down-Syndrome”. Bad luck it seems.

Never mind then. I was told that Leon will be going also. I was considering whether to join them, but apparently, I guess they have enough people, and guy’s interest might just crash with us. So, we put that in the “keep in view” list, hopefully we can find more people to join us. Ho hwee save money, Wen mei and Joanna remedial fever, lee suan Christmas celebration, xiang wei went home, hsiao suan not sure, junyi follow ho hwee, yanyi who hesitated, asked me everything, waste my credit , then finally tell me she not following. Haiz… So, now, left with just the three of us…

So, look. Transportation, hotel, trips, where to go, food, many many more!!!! Headache headache!!!! Should I just cancel or go on with it?! I wonder why I am a student council. My planning skills suck.

expessionless

2009-12-14T18:55:00.005+07:00

The feeling now, is extremely weird. I am not overwhelmed, nor sad. Things just came out of expected. I got an A/B for block 2.1. This is of average. I thought i will get B/C, but it turns out to be better than what i expect. So, theoretically, i should be overwhelmed, hugging my friends and say yay. But no... Mak wishes me, emotionless. Leon says good job, expressionless. I was wondering whether i am just too tired, or just... just... just....

People said i am an emo kind of people. I din't deny that. But, came to think about it, i doubt anyone in my high school or Emal club would have associate me with emo. This mood swing things just started after i came here, a shit place called UGM. Was it really that tension to study medicine? Yes. But, what kills me most is the solitude inside. The feeling of emptiness, friendless, and homeless. Now that International Building has shifted to a new location, everything is just so different. The feeling of belonged disappear. There is no Hang-out place for Inter student anymore. It became so open that i don't feel secure at all.

I brought a student from Netherland around the campus today. She was fine, sweet and nice. Just somehow rather, i find my communication skills sucks. Speaking is difficult, even in English. Why do I have a feeling i will face communication problems in future? I am not a good doctor.

Today, the tutor scolded us, because our discussion sucks. I know nothing about pediatrics.

Today, somebody give me a feel that she hates me, AGAIN.

Today, i felt down.

Trip to Dieng

2009-12-13T23:55:00.005+07:00

I have got to write this down before I forget everything. YAY! I went Dieng and it was awesome! Dieng is a highland in Jawa Island. We took around 3 hours to get from Jogya to Dieng.

We reached Candi Arjuna around 3am in the morning. We got down from the car and frozen outside. It was -1 degree Celsius. Shit! I was shivering. Then, we stared at the sky waiting for sunrise.

It was a starry night. Never had I seen so much stars before. Then, within split seconds, a falling stars strike across the sky.
“Did you see that, did you see that?!”Lee Lee asked excitedly, shaking my already frozen body.
“no… see what?” no idea what she is talking about.
“a meteor just fly over the sky!”
“ya rite.. you must be lying.”
“got!!!! There.. just now!” she pointed to one direction.“There?! Where got!” I pointed to the same direction, just then, another falling stars strike across!
“THERE THERE! GOT GOT! WE SAW!” we shouted simultaneously and excitedly.
That night, a few meteor fly across the sky, accompanied us in the cold breeze.

“ei people, the news say today and tomorrow night got meteor rain, must see know.” Ash told us. I wasn’t really paying attention. It is quite impossible to see a meteor, I thought.
But Hey! I saw! Yahoo!!!! Never had I dream that I saw! And psss.. I made a wish! Haha!

We waited for sun rise. It wasn’t really spectacular. But, still, mother nature never disappoint us. As the sky gradually turned bright, we started to take a lot of pictures.

Then, we hired a tour guide to bring as around. He told us Dieng means "a high land with Gods (dewa dewi). Then we were introduced the Candi which has a male and female symbolic. (you will know what i mean once you see it yourself). Then, he bought us around the complex.

Dieng is like Cameron Highland, cold and refreshing. There were all sorts of flowers here, especially famous is the "bunga abadi" which is known as Asian elderwise.

Next stop, we went to Kawah Sikidang . It was named because of the moving mud. It is an active volcano. The water or sulphur or whatever inside the Kawah is boiling! The whole placed smelled like rotten eggs.

Then we went Telaga Warna. This lake has many colors, especially when view from the top. So, we climbed to the top of the mountain (41km) Gosh! I felt like I lost one leg in the process. But, when we reached the top, everything just worth it’s price. Terraced Field is everywhere, plus the color of the lake, it is amazing. The climbing part is difficult due to the slope, the slippery sands, and no stairs available. So, imagine the descend. Shit!

lailai and I

We climbing up the hill! Damn tired!
But, when you reached the top, it is priceless!

We also visited a few Caves. People still go there to meditate. Some caves are specially "designed" for people who wishes for career, some for marriage, some for fertility…. It is quite an eye-opener to listen to all the stories.

After that, we visited Kawah Sileri before depart to buy their local products, Carika. It is nice, so I decided to bring home some.

One last look at Dieng Plateau. It was wonderful! Superb! Awesome! Speechless! Indescribable.

exam vs PMS

2009-12-10T22:25:00.002+07:00

Oh boy, its exam tomorrow!!!! After tomorrow, that's another block! Couldn't believe how time pass, really. And ask me again what have i learned this block. Oversaturated. Every block is like a regular seven weeks menstrual period. And after tomorrow, the layer will shield away. Then, a whole new layer will starts to accumulate again. Week 1, week 2, week 3..... it repeats, with a fluctuate hormone level in your brain. Week 7 will be ovulation period when everyone struck with anxiety and a little bit anti-social. Then they will start to cut down the activities, merely to bury themselves in books.

But hey look at this way, another 2 more "menstrual period" then i am going home... wahaha. And i am shifting house. Well, as much as i know that i will miss my old house (the one and only house i have ever had), i anticipate the new habitat. At least now i can have a room by myself, with the paint of my own choice. Yay! Always contradicting is the thought that, i will miss the midnight chat with my brother and the pushing my sister a little bit further on bed (she sleeps like an octopus)..... *dream off*

Okay okay, back to reality. I have got to study for tomorrow's exam! Exam! Revision time....

Today's diary

2009-12-07T21:03:00.004+07:00

I am bored with lecture notes. So, I decided to type something here. But, I do not have anything interesting to tell, because I am stuck with lecture notes. So, I decided to write a diary. Open diary for today.

I went to campus for Biochem test. I picked that purple Bandung T-shirt, cause it was once my lucky shirt I pre-wear it today so that I can wear on Friday. Yinli left her key on the gate. I took her key with me. I reached campus. I saw Hayu (okay, I don’t really remember her name). She asked me about outgoing. I have no idea what she is talking about, so I told her I have test and tell her later (obviously that is a lie).

I took my lap coat from the locker, rush to the RP, press the escalator, met Perkedil, reached 6 floor. Mak stood outside the door, pointing towards yanyi and said, “the HSC is with her.” I tried to have a look. She turned to me, “how am I going to pass to you!”
Shock. “erm, can I have a look?” She passed the paper to me.
“What if I go Photostat and pass it to you right after the test? You can wait a while right, cause have to wait for the lecture notes.” She hesitated, and node. She moved far far away. Yiteng followed.

Wai Liam approached me.
“What drama you watching?”
Still flipping the paper, “恶作剧。Haha. Shit nya, so many things to study leh. See la, one more sheets to do.”
“ei, I give Inn hou homework—bring you out for dinner.”
“erm… har?! Aiyo… *****(I forget what I said)” well, I dint went for Inn Hou birthday party yesterday night. It was too late and dark, so, I decided not to go.
Junyi approached, “yesterday we went to his party lo.”
“Too dark d ma, so I dint go.”
“aiya, my whole house went lo.”
“I am taking bike leh, you got car ma, different.”
“yanyi also took bike. She lost…….****(whatever. I actually got a shock that she went and even took her own bike. But, seriously, it was too dark and scary to go out at this hour, especially after hearing all the stories about pogung. So, whatever) I ignored her, feeling much guilty for not attending Inn Hou’s party. I took out my biochem and start reading.

“hui ying. Huiying. Come here and sit.” Elene waved at me, and called me over. I went and sat. Happy.
“like that la, only let huiying sit.”Adi said to elen.
“she small size ma…..*****”(I concentrate on my book. I don’t understand Indonesian language anyway)

Lee Suan came out from the room. Ei, got 10 questions.. bla bla bla. She told us all the questions and rush down. I studied and memorise everything, went to sit for the exam, come out, rush to the escalator. Yanyi was there with yiteng, telling him what she wrote for her answer. I stood there a while, decided to hand in my report first. When I am back, they were gone. I sat the next escalator down and walked to IP. I saw them there, I told her to wait while I go Photostat. I walked alone, increase my speed towards the photocopy shop beside Baroka. Then came back with 2 sheets of paper.
Just when I reached outside library, 1 message Neo YanYi “I am in library. You can leave it in IP basket.”
I replied, “I am outside library.” Yiteng came out instead of her, holding her purse. So I passed to him.

I went back to IP, realized yinli’s key is still with me. I met Leon. He asked me about the lecture notes. So, I told him I had the lecture pictures with me now. He offered to help me remind the staff to print the notes, while I help to transfer the slides to him. I took over his pendrive and walked to a computer. Joanna and Hsiao Suan was inside. I told Joanna Yinli has no key to enter. I plucked in the pendrives, saw CUTTY BABY (F:). Who the hell is that?! Yer, why Leon put such name. Then I realized that was actually my own pendrive. LEE LEE!!!!!! YOU CHANGED THE NAME!!!!! I open into the file. There is a folder Discussion With Pretty Girl. WHAT THE !!!!!!! =.=” Hsiao suan smiling behind.

I went to see mas mudji, reminded him again to print. He promised me that it will be done by noon. So, I went to room, lecture note-ing. 1 message Rufus"exam on friday 1pm. comfirm." i click on forward. I finished the notes I brought, went to check, but it is still not done. I fed up, went back.

The door was locked from the outside. I wonder where has everyone been. I went in. A cup of milo on the table. The whole house was dark. I checked my phone. 1 message joanna press into it. “xw abdominal pain. We go jogja international hospital.” Oh.. okay… what happen?! I walked to and fro a while and went to sleep.

1 message Hsiao Suan “open the door for aaron ya.” I went to peep outside. No one there. I sat back. A few minutes later, a bike arrived. I went out. Ei, it was not Aaron. It was Wei Hern. I told him Joanna wasn’t in. He said never mind and went back. I sat back. Lecture notes.

All my housemates came back, reporting the visit. I sat and listened. Xiang wei couldn’t finish her rice, and gave me some. I helped her find about colicky abdominal pain from books. I analyzed a bit, wonder why I did that, so I just passed the book to her. She understand better than me, me telling her what is colicky pain seems like a child teaching a father how to suck nipples. After that, she went to sleep and I went back to lecture notes.

The rest of the days fill with lecture notes, and I am bored. Wei Hern was here, in the room with Joanna, practicing OSCE. Well, hopefully everyone pass their OSCE la…

Back to studying.

Help?

2009-11-30T18:23:00.001+07:00

I am not God. I couldn’t please everyone. But, at least I try to please everyone. No. I mean, I can try to please everyone. But still… not everyone is pleased. And I can virtually hear little whisper from the corner of their heart, “you are one shit fellow, coz you should be doing this, this and this.” “You should help me to do this, this and this.” “I want this and this and this” and looked at me expectedly. And I can’t avoid feeling down unable to fulfill their wishesssss. But, life had taught me how to pretend like I don’t care when the me inside turns back, twisting my brain, frantically trying to figure a solution for them. Yet, no one able to see through my eyes to find the me inside. What they see is “fucking shit, no one wanted to help me!” (a bit of confession, I used to say that).

Okay, that was beside the point. If no one asked me for help, I will curse and doubt my value. What a contradiction. Ridiculous? Yes, it seems. As the saying goes, “women are one complicated species.” So bear me. Haha.

没烦恼了！

2009-11-29T07:56:00.003+07:00

现在的我，可以说是，没有什么烦恼。肩上的重量轻了很多。虽然成绩还是那么烂，虽然功课还是那么多，但至少我已经解决生平最大的问题--人际关系。原来能够抽身笑看人生，自己也会活得快乐一点。如今和所有仇人没有怨气，过往的事一律不提，安慰很多很多。怎么说都有情在内，破镜重圆也不是不可能的。破镜终有缝，那我就希望我们一开始就不是一面镜。

现在亦交了不少新朋友，减少可怜自己的机会。能够交心，何乐而不为？虽然小人还是那么多，但至少都没有踩到我的尾巴。没关系。也许我已经能够习惯他们的风俗习惯，没有烦扰我那么多了。人家说，要开心，就要open heart。说得没错噢。

很多时候，面对别人，我能够开开心心的聊天，一切如常。但，当面对自己的时间多了，跟自己说话的时间多了，可怜自己也不在话下。还好活动多，我才不置于想太多。现在可好，春光明媚，好轻好轻，好快活！！！

考试要到了。还是专注读书呗。有人说我不够专注，才导致事半功倍，才显得吃力。那好，我这次必定力尽所能，务必尽量获A A/B（有点逞强）。

River Rafting AGAIN

2009-11-28T15:54:00.001+07:00

I went river rafting AGAIN!!!! Wakaka… Well, this time, it is a batch thingy, many many people went. So, we took up around 8 to 10 boats, and rafted through Sungai Elo!! Well, it was like last time, but now our instructor wasn’t as fun as the previous one. Sobz. During one of the war, I accidentally injured my index finger. I think it will swell tomorrow. Sobz. So now I am typing without my index finger, which is extremely slow.

Well, what is new this time, I saw a dead body in the river. Ya. Floating half naked. The instructor told us that maybe he slipped when he bathed. OMG. Okay, though this is not the first time I saw a dead body, but, seeing a dead body at the river, when I am sitting on the boat, it is so… speechless. Well, everyone made a silent prayer.

Then, we used bigger boats this time, so it is very stable until it won’t overturn. As there were too many people, the instructors do not really push us down the water. So, it was kinda boring compare to last time. But, anyhow, it was fun with sooo many people rafting together. We played near the side of river during rest station. We splashed water, and pushed each other. The guys even carried me and hurled me into the water. Haha. Fun!

Well, I guess the fun is over now. Back to study. I will be having exam in 10+ days. Having activities every Saturday is so not gonna help in improving my study. So, I am gonna hibernate for the next few days, MUGGING!

TBMM makrab vs Dance

2009-11-22T12:59:00.006+07:00

Just came back from TBMM Makrab (majlis keakraban). Well, I thought it will be fun (since the seniors said so), but it was proven booooring!! Well, basically what we did most is to play some lame games and enjoy the air. I must say the air is extremely refreshing and cooling, coupled by the strong mist and drizzling rain, it is perfect to cuddle in warm blankets. Thumbs up for Kaliurang weather.

why am i wearing like this? haha. i was about to go for outbound (some activities in the wood).

Well, actually, Kenny asked me to dance with him (salsa) for the Olympiad Dance Competition. I hesitated at first, unconfident with my own ability. But, when I finally agreed and looking forward to it, I was told that it crashed with my TBMM Makrab. ~~Fucking shit!~~ So I had to give up this dance thingy. Haha. fate.... Perhaps, if I were the one dancing, they won’t win. But, still, trapping in the hall, playing some lame trading game, is extremely disappointing.

Perhaps like a friend said, you don’t know what God had planned for you, maybe this is the best for you, who knows, maybe I slipped on the stage, maybe I meet an accident, or maybe i disappoint them… haha. Okay... ya. maybe this is the best for us all.

Okay la, maybe it wasn't really that bad. The makrab was okay la. We stared at the camp fire for a very long time, and they talked something I don't really listened, but i was thinking of myself and my life. Somehow, i realised that God wanted me to know that I should be more humble and thus took away some part of my achievement, together with my pride. Perhaps He wants me to know that I can lost everything in a single day, and gain or loss in life really means nothing. I gain 2 scholarships, so what?! I WAS a good student, so what?! In the end, i ended up here, feeling hopeless and helpless in most of the things i do. And i always wonder, when will life be smooth sailing, and will I stop complaining?! I realised i will not. Haha. Guess is really time for me to learn not to avoid the storm, but learn how to dance in the rain.

可是，说真的，最大的收获应该是我找到一个能够长谈的朋友吧。哈哈。

Diwali Night

2009-11-18T14:44:00.007+07:00

I hadn’t been updating my blog for quite some time. Not that I already forget about my blog, in fact, I been thinking about it all the time. But, somehow rather, I stopped myself from updating. For a simple reason, I still think life is not interesting, and there is nothing interesting enough to fit in here. Rather than allowing emo-ness sips in, I prefer silence take place.

Actually, many things happened this week. Despite the madness and craziness of studying, many things happened. Last Saturday, I went for deepavali night. Deepavali?! Yup. A very late one. Basically, I just borrowed a Punjabi suit from Shamini, and set off to the ballroom. Wei Hern suggested to take a “family photo” with our Indian costume that day, so we went photo talk to take a nice photo. Apparently, I am still a girl who don’t know how to make-up and dress up. So, with only lipgross (is this how you spell it?) and mascara, I became the girl with the least make-up, almost original look there. The rest are all heavily make-up, and nicely dressed. Well…

I guess God has His way to arrange things. During photo talk, that camera men switch on the radio, “Dear God, by Avenged Sevenfold” haha. Coincidents. That evening, I just nice sat beside yanyi, and we talked. For the first time, after so many months, we talked. I have no idea why and how, but, we did talk like old friend. And that night, I received a flower, I means, many flowers, from a friend. Well, I think I wasn’t a good friend, cause I hurt him with my words, but he still gave me flowers. Funny, but haha… okay…

Deepavali night in Hyatt Hotel.

Me and Lian Jae (my salsa partner)

The event was fantastic. Dance was good, everyone in their best, performance was great, food was nice, but i have to admit the roti canai is a bit thick. Haha. After the whole event, they open the dance floor, and we party. Haha.

Then, I went Boshe that night. I drank a bit, not a lot, dance a while, and then come back. Many people went Boshe that night. We met the juniors and seniors. Haha. Half the dance floor fills with UGM students. Haha.