Sunday, September 22, 2013


An 80 year old lady, with a hunch back brought her 50 year old son to the hospital. At first i wasn't sure who was the patient, until the son started talking. He opened his cloths and showed his belly, "someone cutting my stomach with scissors". There was no wound, and instantly we knew he was hallucinating. Right after he said that, his mother frowned. Worried  written all over her face, and i could see her helplessness. No matter how old you get, no matter how old your parents get, children will always be their main concern.

Another patient came in with schizophrenia paranoid, he had delusion that two Jewish inserted a chip in his brain, and spied on him. He became paranoid whenever someone was discussing something. And he could't stand thinking that everybody was judging his every action. All he ever wanted was just a simple attention and appreciation from his parents.

A 15 year old girl haunted by a bloody doll, with distorted face. She could visually see the doll and heard her speak whenever she was alone. She is frightened to the max, and this happened after her father passed away, and her mother started to abandon her. A parent actually have the power to destroy a kid's life, just like that.

Patient developed depression because her parents was very discipline at home. Another patient developed schizophrenia because his parents already gave up on him. Parents parents parents. the key person to almost every problem. 

And when my mother said she is satisfied with me not to get an A, surprisingly it healed my broken heart. I am wondering why parents play such important role in one's life. unexplainable. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


The weather is extremely hot lately. It is slowly boiling my temper. Everything seems frustrating. KKN (community services) registration is a mess. The system is down or not user friendly. In fact the whole university system is a disorder. My graduation is threatened with all kind of rubbish coming up. Everything is so slow. Even collecting log books take times and unnecessary energy. In this hot sunny weather, taking extra miles is tiring. The most frustrating thing is everybody doesn't seems as frustrate as I am.

I flipped through my patients medical record. five out of seven with "anger without reason". Nobody blames the weather. My patient seems perfectly fine to me. I can't find any unrealistic idea in everything he said. I am not giving up. A doctor told me that it takes patience to build rapport. So the next day, i talked to him again. Again, i felt that he is fine. On the way home, i saw a man, angrily scolding the lady who collect parking token. That man pound impatiently with his bike on all the bikes near him, cutting que to go infront, horning all the way. I was wondering does he considered as a psychiatry patient?

At least i dont get so angry that i killed someone. I just need to stop. and. think. Take a moment, take a breath. Nothing works with a clouded mind. Nothing works when you scold everyone around you. All you get is negative energy and unsatisfied stares. So, just stop. Just. Stop.