Friday, November 16, 2012

外婆,对不起,我回不去

“外婆去世了。”错愕。阿姨面子书一句留言。我错愕。“怎么告诉你父母?”我也不知道。爸妈前两天到中国去旅行,手机不能通。我真的不懂。我开始猛打电话。打给弟弟。“我都不能做什么。要载朋友,到晚上才回家。”发神经!还出去玩?!到底知不知道什么叫尊重,什么叫戴孝?!干妈的!回家找旅行社电话可以吗?!是外婆也!妈妈不知道的话是否是很严重的问题。埋了连最后一面都看不到,是不是很严重的问题?!

远在印尼的一个偏僻乡下,这里的signal烂到我得站在阳台打电话。突然发现我的冲动把我的声量提高。弟弟不懂事。弟弟不懂事。前天心脏病,我打不通,安慰自己说她可能stabile了,才做echo。我知道她cardiogenic shock,我知道不乐观。是我没有强调弟弟,一定要找出中国旅店的电话吗?我根本不知道她去到如此匆忙。再过一个星期就可以看到自己的外孙结婚了,人生一大乐事,一转眼,老天说不能等,就真的不能等。

猛打电话,通了!

“妈,为什么没有打回来?外婆去世了!”
“我知道了。阿姨打给我了。”
“那你要怎样?”
我都不能做什么?来不及了”这次我更错愕。
“不要回来吗?”
“都不能走”
“那我呢?”
“不用啦”
“婆婆喔!你的妈妈,你不回来了!我不回去吗?!”错愕加错愕,我拿着电话,盖了。

原来家人并不重要。妈妈不回来了,外婆会否不高兴?难道伤心,妈会比我少?说她不孝,我觉得我也一样。我打回去。爸爸接了电话。他说没有机票了。定的旅行配套,不能换。地方太偏僻了,他们回不去。我也没法子回去了。如此一来一回,又没有家人接送,又没有先订机票巴士票。有些东西,真的不是你我能控制的。

天空开始下雨。雷雨交加。我现在应该到医院去量病人urine output。不去了。大不了被骂几句。想到我还得笑笑的对和我外婆年龄相似的病人,突然觉得医生这个工作,好难。

我坐在门前,看着雨,一直下,一直下。没有泪,却有点酸酸的。想到连亲情如此薄,酸上加酸。我想不通。印尼人的习俗,一个人生小病,整村的人窝在医院。一个小小的手术,要问婆婆,要问姨丈。人穷,没钱住旅店就睡在走廊。马来西亚人,有钱出国,却都回不来。是我太重视这些无谓的礼仪吗?是否最后一面和出殡仪式其实不重要?说到底,还是看着我长大的人。我还以为应该不顾一切冲回家。可我现在只能窝在这个不属于我的家乡。

冷风刺骨。我好久好久没有见到外婆了。有点后悔回去时没去看看她。妈说,外婆有说她想念我,我很乖。心酸。

外婆,对不起,我回不去。远在他方的你,安息吧。你的外孙女还在别人的家乡,救着别人的外婆。

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Surgery department in Banjarnegara


“hello, kelikir” AK picked up the phone on the nurse station.
“bentar ya, ini dari siapa?” he paused. Then he looked out.
“maaf ya, perawat sedang bertugas. Pak telepon 20 minit lagi ya pak.” Me and WL stopped writing and focus on him. His face turned frustrated. “maaf ya, perawat sedang bertugas, saya tidak berani mengganggu” His face changed. He put the phone on the table and said “*^*%%&^keluarga pasien” and went off the room.
The nurse came in and picked up. “maaf dr Y. Maaf. Sy ga bilang kayak gitu. Hahaha.... ....”
We looked at each other. Zzzzz Dr Y trolled us!!!  We turned to AK. Laughing at him. “die la you tomorrow”.

Dr Y is famous for his loud and sternness. With him as our surgery department tutor here in Banjarnegara, we studied to answer his demanding questions. Most of the time I wonder, how the hell he thought of such questions! And he has his own standard to meet, so as long as we presented as hardworking, he can be a very good teacher. And of course a playful one, trolling us all the time.

“Jadi treatment untuk Appendicitis itu Konservatif” his handphone ring. He talked for a few minutes on the phone. Then turned back to us “jadi treatmentnya apa?” We answered simultaneously “Konservatif.”
“ITU KAMU SALAH!!! Masak treatment untuk appendicitis konservatif. Treatmentnya APPENDECTOMY!!” @.@ trooooolled!! PHP banget sih!

Been working with three guys as my groupmates for 2 weeks now. Honestly speaking, guys’ world is simpler. They don’t really care much about how many patients you have, what kind of patients you have, or compare with each other who is better or so. I hear lots of crap from them, which somehow felt entertaining.
We laughed all the time over “cock thing” and do lots of “cock stuff”, and of course been hearing a lot of “cock term”. (Haha, I supposed they use “cock” as adjective in whatever they say.)

“cock fella, you very slow la”
“wah, the doctor do a lot of cock shit”
 “you guess the patient in bed 13 how old?” We go in the ward just to have a look at the patient, come back “70”. “90”. Glance at the medical record “40”. Haha! The patient’s must feel very odd to have all three doctors came in just to glance at her.
 “walao, that 13 year old patient damn big size wei. You sure she 13 year old ar?” and then all the guys went out to talked to her.

 *Smack Head* guyssss