A patient of mine asked me to relieve the fullness feeling he gets from the liver enlargement which probably results from cancer metastatic of the lung. His lung cancer is already a long and tiring treatment. He said he just want the fullness feeling to go away, not expecting recovery, or i could just speed up his death. I felt a thud. I gave a foolish smile.
Another patient who can't response to me, with problems all over the systems. USG was planned since last Saturday, but until now the patient still lied on the bed, waiting for USG. Just by lying there, the hospital has slowly eaten up the medical fund of the patient. The patient's daughter complained that she had no more fund to continue and asked to go home. For goodness sake, the patient can hardly response to anything. I don't know how she is going to survive. And the worse part is, i have totally no idea what's wrong with her. I felt sorry, yet helpless. If only i run the hospital.....
"Will I Recover?" the question I hated the most. Is not like i can just detect a malfunction liver, turn a few screw and repair them. Everything is so uncontrollable and unexpected. Most of the time, i felt so useless.
Doctors versus God. God score 1 point in this. By the time i handle my number 100 patient, my empathy will dried up.
I am sorry, I am not a good doctor.