Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Uninhabited

Why am I not sleeping yet? I have no idea. Perhaps I am having some jet lag for 6 hours for which I have adapted an owl lifestyle. I am so diligent that I even read in my sleep. In another simple term, I sleep whenever I am reading. So, at this hour, 1.50am, I am still awake. Or shall I rephrase, I am already awake. But no worries, with a small dose of “Experimental Design Lecture Notes”, I am off to sleep again. Luckily there is no lecture tomorrow; they can sound just like lullaby to me.
I just had my four days holiday. No class on Friday and Monday, so that makes it a pretty long holiday for me. But, I wonder what everybody been doing this weekend. Facebook is uninhabited. MSN is deserted. Out of boredom, I clicked the refresh button several times and I wonder whether everybody had been studying like hell. But it is just week 3! That sends me to ‘wonder-land’ for a while.
Apparently, everybody is busy with all sorts of events. My roommates for example just represented the university to Malaysia for Physio Quiz. My fellow batchmates were busy with Deevali nights, MSK, Bandung Games, and respective scandals etc. And me…….. Nah, I think I deserve a rest. But, all I did this weekend was running in my Lala Land: dreaming.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Which should i believe?

ARGH!!!!!! I hated this feeling!!!
When your doctor gives you high hope, but gives you low mark, you just feel like ripping her head off!!! She shouldn’t have say ‘good job’, or ‘very good’ which seriously give people a false impression that there is no need for correction. I feel like telling them, if there is a mistake, correct me please…. Perhaps they are afraid they made a mistake too, but that doesn’t give them a reason to give us high hopes by saying all the nice words. We are not your patient, we are just students. We deserve to learn!
And why do I have a feeling that my luck in exam and homework already exhausted? Haih~ I really want to explore medicine, without worrying about my marks and results all the time. And even remedial seems useless, ‘cause it seems like they never mark the paper. Or have they?
Perhaps I am just too sensitive with marks. Should I like change my perfectionist behavior, and stop hoping to get high score for assignment, Osce and block exam? I don’t study for results, but they just keep popping up in my mind, whispering silently, seeking for my attention. Argh~ I hated this feeling.
Throw aside results which make my day miserable.
“Half of what you are taught as medical students will in 10 years have been shown to be wrong. And the trouble is, none of your teachers knows which half.”
                                                                    (Dr. Sydney Burwell, Dean of Harvard Medical School).
Great. Can I like….graduate now?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

More or Less

Third year in medical school


I choose to be



a little more low profile

a little more hard working

a little more research

a little more for myself



a little less activities

a little less condemnation

a little less gossiping

a little less socializing



a little more for people who treated me well

and

a little less for people who appears only when they needed me.

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Climb~ Miley Cyrus

Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it


That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"



Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking



But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high



There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb



The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking



I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going



And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on



'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!



There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose



Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!



Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Sunday, September 12, 2010

some thought 11.9.10

Today was a busy day. My relatives dropped by from Penang to visit. So, I spared my day just in case I need to go anywhere. Apparently, they wanted to go to Red House in this hot sunny burning afternoon. So, I dint follow.


Instead, I went to visit Puan Nurul, my BM teacher. Well, I hadn’t been there for more than a year. Initially, I dint planned to pay her a visit, because mum was nagging that girls should stay at home. But, since mum was too busy worrying about her sofa sets and toilet bowls, I managed to slip out. I gave ET a sms, and off I go.

Puan Nurul looked the same to me, but she had thinned down of course. The amazing thing was, she still remembered that I came back from Indonesia, and she remembered that I dint visit her last year. LOL. Okay… her memory wasn’t that bad. I met a few old friends too. Ah Theng, Tze Yin, Onn Wah, Alistair, Tiw, Brendon, feiying, jeff. I guess that is what a teacher hoped to see, a house full of students from everywhere, as noisy as ever. But, Pn Nurul said, she wished that students dint recognize her, especially when she was delivering a baby and the doctor was her students. LOL. It is really not easy to find teacher you can “tembak” and gossips about other teacher though, but here it is, one in front of me. Oh, I meet Mr Tay at Pn Nurul’s house too.

I went back in the evening to join my family’s dinner. My mum doesn’t consider my dad’s sibling her family. So, we had a little quarrel in the car. Pretty obvious that I don’t quite agree with what she said.

At night, we went to Jonker Street. It was extremely crowded that night. And guess what, yy and Kean seng were in Jonker the same day, but we dint meet each other. LOL. Malacca is one BIG place, you know! Although all the shops sell the same thing every day, it is still soooo crowded. No idea why. So basically, I can only see people’s head and smells their armpits. Gosh. The next thing I know, I am on the way back home.

My relatives from Penang, they were a bit, shall I say, scared of Indonesia. In their mind, Indonesia is one scary place where the moment you step down, people use guns to shoot you down. LOL. Chill lar. I dint even lose my arms.

My mum was a bit reluctant to talk to them. And all she ever said was, they smell like Minyak Kapak, they dirty her toilet and her beds etc. Ya, couldn’t blame her, she is always like that. I was quite angry that she criticized me in front of my relatives. Goodness. I just let her talk. Apparently she seems to increase in capacity. Sometimes I felt like singing the song “Because of You” from Kelly Clarkson. Nah, I guess it would be hard for us to find our respective partners because of her critism nature. Ya ya. I know. Just let her talk right. I don't want to be a bad daughter you know, but sometimes you just feel like ignoring all her unreasonable nagging, unforgiving hatred, and uncivilised critism. Argh! Whatever. Just consider me disobedient if you like to.

And today is September 11. Rest In Peace.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

这,叫做享受

缓缓绿茶沿喉咙直下。干涩滚入肚。凉凉冷气围绕我身躯。慢慢的老歌随iTune播放,随即在我脑袋旋转。思念滋润我的灵魂,回忆霸占我的思维。启开MSN,无聊闲谈到天明。空闲的在别人的“面书”做出傻摆的评论。吃的虽然不是什么山珍海味,却恰恰适合我的味蕾。泡的不是按摩浴缸,却松弛了我的五官。有家,何苦寻找五星级酒店?在丝毫没有压力的状况下做proposal,人间简直是天堂。无需在乎别人的想法。无需斗个你赢我输。无需戴上面具假笑拍马屁。单单纯纯的友情,简简单单的思索。

这,叫做享受。

Friday, September 3, 2010

恶作剧?

当有人说“我爱你”的时候,你应该要有怎样的想法?

我,错愕。愚蠢的我一时之间真的认为你在和我开玩笑。算了。开玩笑也好,不开玩笑也好,我都会当你开玩笑来回答你。总之,我第一个下意识就是给你一个下马威。面对一个把“我爱你”挂在嘴边的人,我怀疑你的真心,更怀疑这是‘恶作剧’。不知道是不是狮子座的天性,每每有人想表白,我会第一时间挫挫你,好让你知难而退。无法忍耐我一时的任性,难道会和我共享人生?此时此刻,也只不过不想被伤害。我非常需要的,是简单的安全感。

虽然我自尊强,可是蛮有自知之明的我,知道自己非什么大美人。无端端喜欢我?我不会相信的。这种突如其来,我,不喜欢。在没有丝毫特别的感觉,我,只想多一个朋友。我无法想象让一个不熟悉我的人闯入我心,更不会允许你玩弄我。我好像还没有认识你也。降轻易的说我爱你,你有别意吗?是否我是取替品?都说了,我不信一见钟情,我比较相信细水长流。

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Life·Lost·Love

There is always a position in your heart for people you know. You reserve a special place for people you adored. Birthday, gifts, and special moments you wish to create in people’s memory. Everything means something, somehow. Sometimes you just forgive someone simply because you still want them in your life.

Lost. A common thing in life. When you lost your handphone, you will be searching for it, wondering when was the last time you saw it, recalling, recalling. You will make it sound, try your best to find it. Breaking up is like how you lost your handphone. You will call it. You will make other people to call it. You will try anything to get back what’s belonging to you. When you finally realize that you really couldn’t find it, it will stay in your mind still. Even when you found a new phone, you will be comparing it, makes sure this one is better than the previous. Unless you don’t mean to keep it long, a temporary phone will do.

Losing someone who passed away on the other hand is like dropping your car key in the sea. You can’t make it sound. You can’t find it back. It is gone. You have the car, but you have to change certain part in order to get the engine starts. Certain parts have changed, and you know, no matter how well it looks like on the outside, it is not the same anymore.

People walk into your life. Sometimes, they are just so important that you place them somewhere special in your heart. Sometimes you just seal them up so that you don't forget them, yet don't want them to injure you all the time. Sometimes they are just air that flow pass, disappear behind your mind, that you won’t even recall seeing them. For some reason, I realized, those people that you hated the most, or loved the most, they leave heavy footsteps in your life. Love and Hate, they are not much difference. One thing for sure, you pay more attention on both.

Life. There is no answer for everything.