Friday, January 29, 2010

无聊文章

考完试了,无所事事的感觉反而很怪很怪。很不习惯没事做的感觉,有点内疚感。我于是骑着单车往电影院跑去。朋友都看过《Sherlock Holmes》 了,而我还没有。看来也应该不会有人想看第二次吧。所以,还是自己一个人去算了。Kenny说一个人看戏很可怜的,旁边没人,死命叫我不要去。我倒也没什么感觉,至少我不需要笑着脸社交吧。还真够好运的让我坐好位,更巧的身边真的一个人也没有。作为holmes的第一粉丝,还好没让我失望。他还是那么有型,那么酷。

我真的觉得自己胆子变大了也。回家途中还遇上一群不怕死的mat rempit. 造理说,一个女孩自己在近十二点的公路上,应该会慌吧。可是,我没什么,只放慢速度让他们先。。。就这么想,难道往后进入没什么朋友的成人阶段,如果朋友都不看戏,难道自己也要戒掉这一大乐趣吗?岂不是更可悲?

雨后的冷风刺进骨子里。我突然觉得人很小很小。很寂寞。很孤单。说真,虽然朋友看起来真的不少,但是要遇到像Watson酱,出生入死的知己好友,反而有点不可能。怎么Holmes那么令人讨厌,Watson还是那么有义气?此类人,遇上了,死而无悔。我敢说,如果在这里能让我遇上一个,就一个,我宁愿放弃那堆需要笑着面对、鞠躬尽瘁的朋友。哈哈。这句话我好像只说给一个人听。

“我答应你,我会永远保持这段友谊。到印尼后,务必守望相助。如果你不跟我做朋友,我会很可怜的。”哈哈。我还可真相信。现在倒是,有问题的时候来找我,没问题的时候,当我不存在啦!有人说,酱她还当你是好友嘛,至少有问题,她还是会回头望啊。那至少我还是她唯一的靠岸。可是,我有问题的时候,又有谁来怜惜我?算了。反而是我扮演Watson的角色了。是酱的吗?朋友说的对,适可而止,不应太相信,太投入,这样会伤得更深。可是,就不知道是习惯,还是恶作剧,怎么就是那么投缘。难道每个人都会觉得根她说话投缘?

如果真诚是一种伤害,我选择谎言;
如果谎言是一种伤害,我选择沉默;
如果沉默是一种伤害,我选择离开。

上天不是应该比较喜欢傻孩子的吗?那就希望他赐给我一个Watson吧。等等。。。我可不要像Watson酱的男友哦。看他对朋友比对女友好,我一定吃醋的。更何况,不知何方的命理书说我容易吃醋。还可真想太多。哪个男生喜欢我酱的女生,即出不了饭厅,又进不了厨房的。很多人都说因为我挑,所以现在还是单身。可是,我还是觉得不是我挑啦。我的条件就只一个啊!怎么都遇不上叻?如果要我因为寂寞谈恋爱,那还是算了。

考完试真的好空闲,好无聊。一大篇无聊的文章都写得出。无聊~~~

Monday, January 25, 2010

Ants-filled-milk-powder

A bunch of stupid ants visited a pack of milk powder. And, they went missing in it. Gosh! I checked the expiry dates written on the packet. 26 February! Gosh! I have more than half a kg of ants-filled-milk powder to finish in one month. All this while it had been so isolated that I almost forget about it. I dig a few scoop of it, put some boiled water, and a few dead bodies floated up. Reminded of the starving African kids, I scooped up the dead bodies, and poured the whole cup right through my oesophagus. I am going to do that every morning and night. Extra Calcium and extra protein. =.=”

I guess a few more days later, it will ends up in my luggage flying back to Malaysia.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Rest in peace

When somebody leaves us, it changes something. But life moves on, and we continue living, only without him or her around. And it definitely hurts for the loves one left behind.

I never know her, or perhaps I shall say, I only know more about her after she left. She is one year my senior. I seen her before. But, that is not the main point.

I read her blog. The latest entry was just a few days before she met the accident. I was thinking, did she knows that she is gonna die? If she knew, what will she do in the very last moment in life? Obviously she wouldn’t have expected that to happen. Then, I was looking for any sign and symptoms from God, or any indication that her life reaches the end. But, nope. None. It is just too sudden. A crash just robbed away her last breath. It must have been a painful tragedy.

Paintball, Concerts, Birthday parties, meet up with buddies, laughter with friends and family, who would expect that to be the last? And happy life just ended… like that. She is too young. And leaving behind, were all her family and friends that love her so much.

Rest in Peace, my friend.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bahasa Jawa

Nomo kulo Hui Ying. Umur kulo kalih doso. Griyo kulo ing jakar. Dherek napangaken. Asmo panjengenan sinten? Yoswori panjengenan sinten? Mangan dereng? Nyuwun pangapunten, kulo saweg boso jawi.

I am learning Jawa-nist language. Hahaha. Cool though. And, I make an effort to help in organising it. It isn’t that difficult actually, but it makes me a little bit busier than usual.

Jawanist language is slightly different from English. When you are speaking to friends, to elder, to siblings, you have to use a different words, different phase. Jawanist respect the elders, so they will use Kromo inggil when they talks to elderly people. But, they used kromo to describe self, and ngoko for more lower class conversation. But, it is totally confusing when you start learning it. For example, nomo, means name, but that is only used to describe your own name, like “my name”= “Nomo kulo”. But when you say “your name”, you can’t say nomo panjengenan. You have to say “asmo (means name also) panjengenan”. That is the first thing I learned. Not bad huh, but still a long way to go.

Samenika sampun sango langkung sedoso. Kulo kepingin ajor. Sugeng dhalu.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

心软

我又心软了
╭┴┴─────┴┴╮
│         │\|/
│ ●     ● │─☆─
│○ ╰┬┬┬╯ ○│/|\
│   ╰─╯   /
│─┬○────┬○╯
╭│ │╮
╰┴─────┴╯
是棉花做的吧

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Keluarga Besar Waria Yogyakarta

21 students from Sweden came down for their elective block on Global Health. So, as I am one of the CIMSA members, I was called to accompany them, and be a translator for them. Initially, I was told to translate lecture on HIV, AIDS, and TB given by NGO. So, I nodded my head, since it was regarding my curriculum. Little did I know it was so impressive.

A change of plan, so I were to accompanied them for lunch as well. Then, I realised Swedish were so polite when they eat. Somehow, I felt like I am not eating the food, I am engulfing it. Their food was nicely arranged on their plate. Mine was just meant to be dumb in my stomach.

Next stop, we went to a place named Kebaya. I thought it was a place where we see batik and kinda stuff.
But....
The people that welcomed me at the door looked somewhat weird. I couldn’t tell what is weird, but those “man” or “women” are weird. I noticed their thick make-up, so I thought they wanted to perform for us. After I seated down, only I notice
“Center for transgender of Yogyakarta”!!!!
OMG!

Those people we see on street, which sing for us and asked for some contribution. Those people working as a sex worker, trying to make a life. Those people when they passed by, we will say, “hey look over there.” Ya, i was there. They were called Waria, and their organisation named Kebaya (kelurga besar waria Yogyakarta). And only did I know there is an organisation named LGBTQ (lesbian gay bisexual transgender and questioning) also.



They are Waria, and apparently they are all very friendly.

A lot of them are of lower social economy, receiving no further education. But, fortunately, two of them managed to squeeze in university. They gave us lecture on how their organisations encounter HIV problems (since HIV is wide spread in their community). And of course, they talked about their life, how they encounter social bias, but still hold on to their believe; how they felt like being trapped in a man’s body and having a feminine spirit; how they try to make a living despite being treated differently. I must say, these people are really courageous and strong will. Imagine you being isolated from family and friends since young, being scolded for being what you are, how strong they are of making a life till now. Apparently, the pay they received for their anal sex service is just Rp20, 000 to Rp50, 000. As little as that. Ouch. I understand that most of them do not originated from Yogyakarta. They were isolated in their community, thus they came here to search for a community that will accept them as they are. And some of them actually form a family by adopting children on the street.


The students listened attentatively.


Me with Opi (09 CIMSA) and Ibu Fin (waria)

Somehow, after listening to their experience, I changed my view on them. Human, we are always different in our own ways. Hmm... somehow, I am really interested to know more psychological development of LGBTQ, such a strong internal conflict, I reckoned.

p.s. Well, one of our skill labs during fourth year will be held there, teaching us how to encounter sensitive issue, haha. Cool huh..

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Checklist

Checklist (or maybe wish list {or some stupid thing I did during free time (o.O free time?)})

· New house in Malacca(checked)
· New Room (checked)
· Forever there Family member (checked)
· Scholarship and chance to study(checked)
· Promising future (checked)
· Above cut-off point(checked)
· Full of activities lives (checked)
· A truthful friend (suspend) (checked)
· Kids-free (checked)
· Transport (checked)
· Freedom (checked)
· Rights to speak and rebel and do anything I want (checked)
· Friends of all kind (checked)
· Person-to-be-teased which is near (checked)
· Money to spend (checked)
· ability to organise trip and chance to travel (checked)
· being loved (checked)
· being helped (checked)
· good term with housemates (checked)
· Hate-free (checked)
· Enough food to eat (pending)
· Healthy (checked)(pending)
· Wide connection (pending)
· A boyfriend (pending)

· Someone to love (pending)
· Lovable all the time (pending)

· Above 3.5 cut-off (pending)
· a chance to be lab assistant (pending) (dreaming)
· Nice figure (dreaming)
· 170cm (dreaming)

Not that bad what…
20 checked out of 30(fanning my ego).
2010 resolution: 24 out of 30.
Life would be perfect.

Friday, January 1, 2010

最后的宽容

始终摆脱不了和你同组的事实。无所谓,以为再过几个月就能挥手道别,没想到,上天还是那么喜欢玩我,又让我们再次同组。天,需不需要那么大的玩弄啊! 不知道是你变还是我变。怎么发现自己越来越不喜欢你。无奈无法形容。感觉告诉我,你确实不一样。你会说,“讨厌我,又怎么样?”以前的你应该会说,“我不要人家讨厌我。”酱的转变,是否表示你再也不管人家对你的看法,连我对你的批评,也不会放在眼里。你的目中只会有你自己的成就,自己的感觉,和自己的感情。还是对你而言,朋友已经不算什么。是我的错?

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
假装了解是怕 真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的 是无话不说
我怀念的 是一起作梦
我怀念的 是争吵以后

还是想要和好的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
谁 记得
谁 忘了

我怀念的 是无言感动
我怀念的 是绝对炽热
我怀念的 是你很激动
求我原谅伤得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的天空
最短的夜晚

谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我

是我的错,不能在你需要的时候出现,更不可能有机会发现你需要些什么。可是,我的离去,不是因为我不在乎,而是你不再需要我这样的朋友。我并不伤心。也许这些日子,让我更清楚发现,人可以变化无穷。人家说,不要爱上一个人的面貌,因为它不长久。然而变老需要整十年,而个性的转变就只须短短的一年。回首过去,似梦似幻,我会深锁心中,直到你回头。你的誓言就随风飘去,让我悄悄离去。也许这是最好的结果。

我放手
我让座
假 洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
所以我
没有哭
没有说

你的出现让我学了很多。我不难过,只是为什么眼泪会流我也不懂。终于决定把你放下。今后,你我各奔前程,互不相关。你开心伤心,再也以我无关。你和我擦身而过。离开一个不懂得珍惜我的家伙,这不算什么。我会过得更快活。