Monday, November 30, 2009


I am not God. I couldn’t please everyone. But, at least I try to please everyone. No. I mean, I can try to please everyone. But still… not everyone is pleased. And I can virtually hear little whisper from the corner of their heart, “you are one shit fellow, coz you should be doing this, this and this.” “You should help me to do this, this and this.” “I want this and this and this” and looked at me expectedly. And I can’t avoid feeling down unable to fulfill their wishesssss. But, life had taught me how to pretend like I don’t care when the me inside turns back, twisting my brain, frantically trying to figure a solution for them. Yet, no one able to see through my eyes to find the me inside. What they see is “fucking shit, no one wanted to help me!” (a bit of confession, I used to say that).

Okay, that was beside the point. If no one asked me for help, I will curse and doubt my value. What a contradiction. Ridiculous? Yes, it seems. As the saying goes, “women are one complicated species.” So bear me. Haha.

Sunday, November 29, 2009



现在亦交了不少新朋友,减少可怜自己的机会。能够交心,何乐而不为?虽然小人还是那么多,但至少都没有踩到我的尾巴。没关系。也许我已经能够习惯他们的风俗习惯,没有烦扰我那么多了。人家说,要开心,就要open heart。说得没错噢。


考试要到了。还是专注读书呗。有人说我不够专注,才导致事半功倍,才显得吃力。那好,我这次必定力尽所能,务必尽量获A A/B(有点逞强)。

Saturday, November 28, 2009

River Rafting AGAIN

I went river rafting AGAIN!!!! Wakaka… Well, this time, it is a batch thingy, many many people went. So, we took up around 8 to 10 boats, and rafted through Sungai Elo!! Well, it was like last time, but now our instructor wasn’t as fun as the previous one. Sobz. During one of the war, I accidentally injured my index finger. I think it will swell tomorrow. Sobz. So now I am typing without my index finger, which is extremely slow.

Well, what is new this time, I saw a dead body in the river. Ya. Floating half naked. The instructor told us that maybe he slipped when he bathed. OMG. Okay, though this is not the first time I saw a dead body, but, seeing a dead body at the river, when I am sitting on the boat, it is so… speechless. Well, everyone made a silent prayer.

Then, we used bigger boats this time, so it is very stable until it won’t overturn. As there were too many people, the instructors do not really push us down the water. So, it was kinda boring compare to last time. But, anyhow, it was fun with sooo many people rafting together. We played near the side of river during rest station. We splashed water, and pushed each other. The guys even carried me and hurled me into the water. Haha. Fun!

Well, I guess the fun is over now. Back to study. I will be having exam in 10+ days. Having activities every Saturday is so not gonna help in improving my study. So, I am gonna hibernate for the next few days, MUGGING!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

TBMM makrab vs Dance

Just came back from TBMM Makrab (majlis keakraban). Well, I thought it will be fun (since the seniors said so), but it was proven booooring!! Well, basically what we did most is to play some lame games and enjoy the air. I must say the air is extremely refreshing and cooling, coupled by the strong mist and drizzling rain, it is perfect to cuddle in warm blankets. Thumbs up for Kaliurang weather.

why am i wearing like this? haha. i was about to go for outbound (some activities in the wood).

Well, actually, Kenny asked me to dance with him (salsa) for the Olympiad Dance Competition. I hesitated at first, unconfident with my own ability. But, when I finally agreed and looking forward to it, I was told that it crashed with my TBMM Makrab. Fucking shit! So I had to give up this dance thingy. Haha. fate.... Perhaps, if I were the one dancing, they won’t win. But, still, trapping in the hall, playing some lame trading game, is extremely disappointing.

Perhaps like a friend said, you don’t know what God had planned for you, maybe this is the best for you, who knows, maybe I slipped on the stage, maybe I meet an accident, or maybe i disappoint them… haha. Okay... ya. maybe this is the best for us all.

Okay la, maybe it wasn't really that bad. The makrab was okay la. We stared at the camp fire for a very long time, and they talked something I don't really listened, but i was thinking of myself and my life. Somehow, i realised that God wanted me to know that I should be more humble and thus took away some part of my achievement, together with my pride. Perhaps He wants me to know that I can lost everything in a single day, and gain or loss in life really means nothing. I gain 2 scholarships, so what?! I WAS a good student, so what?! In the end, i ended up here, feeling hopeless and helpless in most of the things i do. And i always wonder, when will life be smooth sailing, and will I stop complaining?! I realised i will not. Haha. Guess is really time for me to learn not to avoid the storm, but learn how to dance in the rain.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Diwali Night

I hadn’t been updating my blog for quite some time. Not that I already forget about my blog, in fact, I been thinking about it all the time. But, somehow rather, I stopped myself from updating. For a simple reason, I still think life is not interesting, and there is nothing interesting enough to fit in here. Rather than allowing emo-ness sips in, I prefer silence take place.

Actually, many things happened this week. Despite the madness and craziness of studying, many things happened. Last Saturday, I went for deepavali night. Deepavali?! Yup. A very late one. Basically, I just borrowed a Punjabi suit from Shamini, and set off to the ballroom. Wei Hern suggested to take a “family photo” with our Indian costume that day, so we went photo talk to take a nice photo. Apparently, I am still a girl who don’t know how to make-up and dress up. So, with only lipgross (is this how you spell it?) and mascara, I became the girl with the least make-up, almost original look there. The rest are all heavily make-up, and nicely dressed. Well…

I guess God has His way to arrange things. During photo talk, that camera men switch on the radio, “Dear God, by Avenged Sevenfold” haha. Coincidents. That evening, I just nice sat beside yanyi, and we talked. For the first time, after so many months, we talked. I have no idea why and how, but, we did talk like old friend. And that night, I received a flower, I means, many flowers, from a friend. Well, I think I wasn’t a good friend, cause I hurt him with my words, but he still gave me flowers. Funny, but haha… okay…

Deepavali night in Hyatt Hotel.

Me and Lian Jae (my salsa partner)

The event was fantastic. Dance was good, everyone in their best, performance was great, food was nice, but i have to admit the roti canai is a bit thick. Haha. After the whole event, they open the dance floor, and we party. Haha.

Then, I went Boshe that night. I drank a bit, not a lot, dance a while, and then come back. Many people went Boshe that night. We met the juniors and seniors. Haha. Half the dance floor fills with UGM students. Haha.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

"Hands to Share" Charity Concert

A few days earlier, I attended “Hands To Share” Charity concert. A few of my batch mates perform violins and pianos on stage. There were many different culture and dances performed.

Korean dance and Korean Drum

Buddhist Monk dance

There were also some Javanese instruments, fusion of Korean and Javanese instrumental music, and a lady from US playing violin. I sat down the stage, my mind started to wander across the time zones.

Yinli played 20th century piece. Debussy eccentric chaotic General Lavine played with a good control of expression and tone. Of course. How could I ever played that!
“Come on… perform la Hui Ying…”
“I couldn’t. My piano sucks.” My hippocampus started to browse through the books, trying to find a piece I could master. No… None! I haven’t been touching piano for a very very long time! Performance?! Impossible.

Adi’s Fur Elise. Okay, if I were a few years younger, I could play like him. When I was a few years younger, I could. But, now, a simple piece will take me a decade to practice.

Lee Suan’s Debussy piece. OMG! She can play so well! Smooth. No wonder I failed my Grade 8. No wonder the examiner hates me so much. No wonder I stop where I am. Mrs Grace started to appear, laughing sinisterly at me. And me playing the piano, not knowing what I am playing. Playing or typing the notes, I wasn’t sure.

Susie played Maksim Croatian Rhapsody! I heard she just learned piano! Incredible!

Arh… why do people always have talent?! What am I good at?! Sometimes I just wish I have everything, but more often I realized I don’t even have a thing to be proud of. Haiz…

Saturday, November 7, 2009


My mind is in a chaotic state. Everything revolved around me centered to themselves. Selfish, inconsiderate, work for benefits, fake laughter, people, human, with their evil state of mind, just twist my brain, add noises to it, scratch it till I can barely recognize. I started to miss the past tense. I started to wish uncorrupted people appear in my life and make me believe in humanity. But I guess lust, greed and self-centered, they are just part of the term—grow up.

Ok… back to work!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Vertical and Water Rescue!

Last Saturday, I went for Vertical Rescue. Wanna know what’s that? They actually taught us how to climb up and down to rescue people. But, it is fucking difficult. We ascended the building from 3rd to 5th floor, and then descended from 4th to ground floor. A wonderful but tiring experience, indeed.

The descending was fun. Fast and easy. The ascending was the shitty part. I think I used every inches of my muscle to pull myself on that thing, and move inches by inches to get up. Half way through, I was so exhausted I couldn’t climb anymore. Then, I shouted up, “mas, saya udah capek! (Mr, I already tired)”. To my despair, he replied, “I couldn’t pull you up. You are half way through. The only way is to climb up here yourself!” DAMN IT! It was a lonely road. I hang there, half way in the air, ascending every centimeter I can. Despite cursing and swelling, I can’t feel my arms and legs anymore. When I reached on top, Oh Gosh! It’s heaven! Never been so happy my butt touched the floor.

The mas teaching us how to ascend...

One of our member there, climbing up!I was there too, just, no one help me take photos. haiz..

They demonstrated how to descend.

Me, descending!

Later, they demonstrated Howling and pulley system. I became the subject to be pulled up. Haha.. Fun!

The Next day, we went for Water Rescue. Haha. Now, they taught us how to rescue people in the water. We have rescue people with equipment, without equipment, and on land. It was fun though. Haha, photos come later ya!