Friday, August 28, 2009

21st birthday?

My friends here helped me celebrate my 20th birthday. Well, they bought a cake from chocolate house and sang me a song.
I am such a betrayer though. My expression betrayed my mind.

“Happy birthday Hui Ying.” They wished in the dark.
And in my mind,
“I know that kind of trapped feeling you are undergoing. Remember we are here for you.”

“Hui Ying. We made this for you.” And Yin Li placed that paper hat on my head. The rest continue to play with the attributes they made for coming MSK (it is some sort of camp to meet the juniors).
And instantly,
“We bought this for you because you are doraemon.” Sze ling tapped on the toy and said.

My mind floating alternating between the past and present, words and pictures flashes in my mind.

"will you post this celebration in your blog?" I guess i answered your questions. haha.

Well, I am not sure I have any photos for this, so… haha.. sorry readers, you have to imagine lor.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Scrapbook

I walked on the snow… cold and freezing. Everything around was dark. Only me, walking. And this is when I felt that warmth. The fire gradually lighted up and burning, warming my heart and soul.
The messages sent right through my heart, touched the exact spot. Yes. It was not a gift. It was not just a late birthday gift. It was more than that: believe, trust, confidence, friendship and lots of love. It can’t be touch, can’t be seen, but it felt so real. All of a sudden, I felt like I am someone.

“This is a gift from us,” Tze Yin handed me the scrapbook.
Instantly, I remembered,

[Kaurin] said:
“I am very busy lately.”

慧莹 said:
“I don’t understand, what have you been up to? Helping your family settle water bill? Hahaha.”

[Kaurin] said:
“I also dun know why I am so busy… tell you my schedule…”

and here one scrapbook lie in front of me. I thought you are busy with your paper-mache-simulated-wooden-chest...

I opened the book… carefully open up the small notes beside.

“You Rui said she wants to see you open it with great effort...” Tze Yin said.

“You Rui said you might be lonely there and she wants you to have this and remember…”


Omg… stupid girl, you are making me cry. And me, trying soooo hard to stop the tears from running down.

This is what I call friends. Thanks buddy. Life is so much better with you guys around. You might not be near me, but I know you are always there. That is more than enough.

Ps: You Rui, I know you will read this. Thanks dear. Thanks for your fruit basket and everything you have done for me. You have no idea how grateful I am. I will go back to Indonesia tomorrow, with a new hope and a beginning. Thanks.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

GOD's Jokes

God always love a piece of joke. He pretends to be a director, creating scenes and tragedy, and plays as an audience to enjoy the show.


In one of my blog post, I talked about a friend who used to be my best friend. We had a fight over… wait a minute; I don’t even know what the cause was. But, that wasn’t a happy ending. At least at that moment, I thought it was an ending, but it wasn’t.


Now, a new semester, a new tutorial group. Surprisingly and unexpectedly, we were in the same group. Well, she and her boyfriend and me of course. I stunned in front of the monitor 30 seconds before mum came in and ask about Free Ringtone. Great (in an inverted way)!


So, how am I gonna face this ex best friend of mine every day?

What should I do when she looks at me like a prisoner who ran out of jail?

And ever since the fight, that boy of hers looks at me like I just stepped on cat shit. Am I being hyper sensitive or something was happening behind me? Either way, I am pretty sure I am not allowed to touch him, so, who shall be my simulated patient in class?

That girl is a Goddess. 4 flat, top student. Now I am scared to voice out my opinion. I felt inferior. And i am pretty sure if no one were to oppose, this tutorial group is as good as dead. So how now?

This is gonna be a tough half year in my life. One year ago, when none of the commotion begins, I predicted this to happen. Can you ever imagine that?

I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME!!! You are happy now, GOD?!

Death

Life is short. Before you know it, it’s over. If you think you are gonna live for 80 years, think again, it might be shorter than you thought.

Heard a news from my mum, another teacher in St. David died of Lymphadenoma (something like that) yesterday. He was only around 54. A few months back, my primary school teacher’s husband died of liver cancer. My teacher who teaches me BM died of ruptured blood vessels in the brain. She was only around 40. All of a sudden, I felt like, “why is everyone dying?” And that is just among the people I know.

The other day, I was invited to a dinner at You Rui’s place. I was talking to a houseman in Malacca General Hospital who happens to be Jeff’s fiancée. When we are having dinner, she sort of said, “ today, another patient died, and we watch the glucose level gradually drops to zero.” Sad.

We were thinking, you know, I have a classmate getting married soon. That is a good thing. So, there will be time when bad things happen, like death. It will be heart breaking. Imagine you never gonna see that person again, never gonna heard him. What left are just memories. Sad.

I always thought I will visit my primary school teachers during Chinese New Year. Just because mum don’t let me do all those stuff when I am kid, I delayed it. Until last year, when I visited my Chinese teacher, she seems much older than I thought. And I was telling myself, I think I will visit all the teachers if I have a chance. But, guess time wait for no man, and death certainly do not wait for me.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Tour Guide for one day

A few days earlier, Wen Mei and Woan Chyi came to Malacca. So, I brought them around the town. Ya. I did, even though i have no car and no sense of direction. But, still, I manage to bring them to A Famosa, The Sinked Boat, Taming Sari Towel, Eye On Malaysia and a few shopping malls. No bad huh... Since they only come here for one day, I guess that one day trip is good enough.
Ya, That's right. That is Wen Mei and Woan Chyi...
The boat lo.
Can you see that faint image of Taming Sari Towel behind. Ya.

The one and only picture three of us take together.

Pictures on Eye of Malaysia.

The land behind seems abandoned though.

Whose back was that?
Well, They said Malaccan seems to be more polite and nice. Indeed. Wahaha. Told you. So... people, come Malacca, Historical Town!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Harm

* Express something with pictures seems more interesting. Learn this from secret zen.*

Thursday, August 13, 2009

做了个很奇怪的梦。

梦见十年后的我,发明了个神奇的药水,能够治百病。


药还没公开,所以我正赶着去一个记者会。在没去之前,约了男友吃饭。咦,我有男朋友也。可是,为何自称我男友的人,好像鲁滨声那样,根本不是我理想对象。
奇怪的是,他不赞成我公开药水,一手夺了它,往门外跑。我猛追,叫了德士,上了车。

德士上有一个印度司机,还有一个白痴的小男孩(他的儿子)。他说孩子没人顾,所以得一起上班。我把手上的零食(我的午餐)分一点给那孩子吃。哪知他竟然跟我争!

那个笨司机,明明我赶时间,他竟然走错路,绕了一大圈。以我暴躁的个性,早就破口大骂。可是,奇怪,我镇定的跟他说,“不用紧,用另一条路。”

绕了一圈,又回到餐厅。车里竟然多出一个人,也是印度人。司机说那个人也赶时间,问我可否让他一起乘车。搞什么,我竟然答应。

过后,他又走错路。同样的事情发生,一直到车里一共六个人。而我的情绪,从镇定到紧张。。。。

我就醒了。真是笨梦一个。

休息


在这段“东主有喜,休息一个月”的期间,也没做些什么。


和朋友聚聚会,倒像坐了时光机器,回到了从前。


一幕幕的情节,一段段的回忆,像录影带,不停从播。



温热。


温馨。


说不出的舒适。



Wednesday, August 12, 2009

你們的愛-周笔畅

过去总要离开 无论多少感慨 明天总会来
生命没有彩排 我已不是小孩 相信依赖

眼泪和心碎也不能 让我的心裏 失去期待 才看到那未来
那些人潮人海 如此迫不及待 散去又回来 没有某个角落 可以置身世外 逃开现在
如果我放弃该怎样去面对那些真挚的爱 谁拥有那未来

C1:
爱我的人 相信我 我一直在 努力改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你 你们的爱 就算人生不是精彩 我也要勇敢的姿态

V2:
就像夜裏的光 就像皮鞭的响 指引著羔羊
伤口需要滚烫 生命需要成长 痛要品尝
命运去碰撞才会懂坚持 是不是对的方向 错过的不要想
就像干花的香 就像杯底的糖 沉淀了思想
每个人不一样 也许你的幸福 地址不详
要明白被爱并不是 一种奖赏 而是种力量 要用它去发光

C2:
爱我的人 相信我 我一直在 努力改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你 你们的爱 就算人生不是精彩我也要勇敢的姿态

B:
多少次紧握著明天徘徊
让昨天无法释怀
就算我注定失败
还有你暖的胸怀

C3:
爱我的人相信我 我一直在 努力 改变所有失败 为你们而存在
爱我的人感谢你你们的爱就像 在寒冷的雪天
等待著 一朵花盛开

Thanks Tze Yin for the songs. Hehe. Love it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

等待

有些等待可能永远没有结果

别等待,时间会让天空越来越黑。


我不想回去了

我不想回去。就连倒数都不敢,连幻想都不敢。什么Positive thinking,什么warrior,什么medicine is everything,什么‘一个人生活不要紧’。疯了。为什么这里的朋友,这里的人,让我觉得我什么都不怕,什么都行,让我有自信,有勇气,有幽默感,有竞争能力,是那种说不出的comfort zone?就在那一秒,我突然想告诉自己,“好,这次回去,我一定能打破自己那一关。”就在那一秒,我发觉自己还是自己,那个会做傻事,会说笑,会玩的我。

可是,闭上眼睛。繁忙的功课,跟时间斗快。读不明白的课题,毫无安全感,毫无自信心。不明白也不曾体谅我的朋友,寂寞又无奈。见到的,让我心寒心酸。不停的伤害,不停的刺伤我,让我拖着疲惫且伤痕累累的身子,叫我怎么不犹豫,叫我怎么释怀,叫我怎么看开?

哎...不堪设想.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Late Night Back

"So... hui ying, where do you choose to work next time?"

"Melaka..."

"Why Melaka?"

Erm...Why do you give me such funny expression?

"Melaka is a nice place, really." I said...

Of course I meant what I said. I guess, people just return to where they belong. Perhaps I am still too young to say “I had seen a lot.” But for what I have seen, Malacca is still the best. I have a feeling my high school friends are much naïve than other people. Not in the immature sense of naïve, but a comfortable sense of naïve. As in… you know… hard to explain. No back stabbing, no betrayers, no fighting for something, no… just… comfortable.

That day, we went to Haber. We went in, sat a while and left. The mat saleh looked at us like we were in THEIR country. Then, we went Arena, a club in Malacca. People always say clubs in Malaysia are high class... bla bla… since I had never seen before, and since Tze Yin never went to a club before, I went with them. I had seen people sucking ecstasy, people drink till drunk, seen prostitute going around for businesses in Indonesia, and so, I wanna see how it is like in Malaysia. Surprisingly, Arena is just like Hard Rock Café in Jakarta. Haha… Just people singing on the stage. So, in the end, we went to a more comfortable place, sit and play some games and talk lame jokes. Then, we end up watching GI Joe in DP. Lame, but somehow, I am happy. The friends I made, they know little about womanizing, drugs, and drinks. The most they will say is about goats. Ya. Derricyrk with his stupid lame goat stories.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

advice from a doctor

I went to hospital for a checkup, on my tremor hands. Of course I don’t want to operate with a zig zag on the patient’s body. So, I went for a blood test. I met Dr. Peh, or Phek… not so sure, I forgot to look carefully. But, he is a very good doctor, my father’s friend, and the best pathologist in ASEAN. I heard he attended many conferences in the world and was really famous.

Dr. Peh (ok… I shall call him this) talks a lot. He loves to talk, but weird, he doesn’t like to meet patients. So he did rather hide in the laboratory, culturing bacteria. I can virtually imagine William telling me what book is useful and how to study for exam when I hear him talking. They just look alike when it comes to explaining. The thing is, Dr. Peh told me, it was not important to be the best in medical faculty. What is important is that human touch. That is what makes a difference. Dad said he was very stress in his first year, hiding in library like I do. He was not the best in results, but look at him now, successful pathologist.

Well… it wasn’t like I must be the best. But, life is tough. If, and only if, I can find a single fun in my life in Indonesia, I will, make less hell. But, truly, I hope he meant what he said. First year is nothing but a basic touch. I don’t hope to waste my life either. And hopefully, in 2nd and 3rd year, I would face lesser challenge on human relationship.

Emmm.. the tremor? The test results shows normal, with slightly low TSH in my plasma. I guess is neuro problem though. Hopefully the tremor will stop and I can be a neuro surgeon one day.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Happy 20th birthday

Yeah.. my cake


Joe How holding the camera, saying,"READY.. ONE.! TWO! ..."
Fei Ying muttered," oh.. very excited."

Happy 20th Birthday!!!!

Well, I am glad. It was my birthday yesterday and I had a bunch of friends celebrating with me. Not a grand one, with party and all, but, just enough to make me feel warm and belong. Again, thanks to ET, thanks to You Rui, Sze Ling, Joe How, Fei Ying, Chern Yii and Tze Yin if course. (Too bad Tze Yin is sick huh, but thanks for the Doraemon) Haha. Thanks for the cake, thanks for presents and card, thanks for the company and movie. Thanks.

You know what makes me glad? What makes me feel belong and warm. I can’t describe that feelings, but it just feel so right. The truth is, I do not need to go around telling people, “hey, is my birthday, can we hang out?” or “hey, I am back, please call me.” The truth is, I do not need to do that, and my friends call me out, my friends bought me a cake, my friends come down from KL to meet me. Yes. That is true, and I am glad. I am glad for being a Malacca kid and st. davidian, and this bunch of friends reminds me of whom I am. I can barely remember huiying. Life had robbed most of part of me away; steal that smile out of my face. All I remember doing is to keep reminding myself stop changing and don’t be a hypocrite, because that is what I see every day. How nice it is to be able to be me, without reminders, without a single thought of being isolated, or a single thought of being ruin. Life would be perfect, but it doesn’t.

I wish time would stop, right now, at this point. I wish high school friends are forever friends and everybody around is like high school friends and not society’s survival. Well… I am 20th. It is not a time for me to be emo. Guess the best thing I can do is… enjoy my 23 days in melacca and get ready for a new challenge.

PS: thanks zijing for the call. Haha... thanks ppl, for facebook messages, and sms also... thanks emal too...

saw Su Lyn when we went hanging around. Took pictures in FOS. damn sweat. But hey, i like this picture.