Thursday, July 30, 2009

back home~first year accomplished

The floor seems yellower than I thought. The switches seem smaller than I imagine. Sis had grown almost the same height as me. Gees… how long I haven’t been coming back? It seems like ages and still, everything looks the same. Thank God it does.

First year completed! Mission accomplished. OSCE completed. Remedial… screw it. God know why I got high fever, flu and cough. God damn it, the questions were supposed to be easy! Fate…

H1N1 is quite serious in Malaysia though. Luckily I was able to walk pass kastam without being quarantine. Later that day, I heard Tharan got quarantine pulak. Ok… so, it means they actually do quarantine people with high fever. Thank God I dint kena.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

小猫

小猫们都很喜欢我的scooter哦。哈哈。看呗,它们看到我,眼睛都发亮了。。。娃哈哈。你不觉得这张照片可以赢奖吗?超棒的说。*自夸了些*

Fall from rooftop

“Oh My God… Oh My God… OH MY GOD!!!”
That is the only thing that she shouted and that is the only thing that ring in my head. Repeatedly. I stunned, stare into blank, my whole body freeze, with a cup in my hand. I was about the walk to the kitchen to boil hot water. Right in front of my eyes, Yinli lied in the kitchen floor, in pain, with pieces of atap roof beside her.

118… yes… 118, that is the emergency number to call… I put my cup beside the sink, ran to grab my phone, turn back and shout, “Yinli, don’t move. You dun move.”
“call… Hsiao suan.”
Oh ya… can call Hsiao suan. Aparently, she was in the police station. Called Junyi, she was repairing her car. Finally, I dialled Wen mei here and we sent her to the hospital.

Well… The story happens like this. A few days ago, we heard footsteps above our roof, like someone was walking. It was not light. It was heavy, like a man, not a cat. It had been happens for a few days, on and off. The day before yesterday, the same thing happened. This time, we heard it above my room, and it gradually walked to the other side of the house. We were terrified, so I closed the door, hard enough to make a loud bang. Immediately, the footsteps start to run to the opposite side of the house. Gosh. What was that?

The next morning, we planned to have a look upstairs, to see whether it is possible that a man can walk on the roof. Well, our bathroom ceiling is transparent, so if somebody were to climb up our roof, you can guess what their intention is. So, I climbed up to have a look. Then, when I came down, Xiang Wei thought she saw a stranger.
Ok. That was sweat. Then, she and Yinli decided to climb onto the roof to see where the “man” can go. I thought of following them, but there were only two slippers.
“Ei, Don’t walk on the atap roof ya, it is not safe” I shouted from below.
“Hui Ying, you walk on the green thing right? Is different sound la. I walk on the atap different sound la.” Yinli shouted from above.

Ok~ I don’t bother so much. I saw Yinli’s milo on the dining table, I sat down, studied Jaundice for five minutes, couldn’t resist the temptation, grabbed my cup and thought of boiling some hot water for myself. Just as I almost reach the kitchen, I heard something fall hard on the ceiling above the kitchen. I looked up, saw crack, and immediately followed by the blue sky above. Oh Shit! Then, Yinli fell from the ceiling into the kitchen floor. The fall was slow. She said the only thing she could see is me, and me and me. And I couldn’t do anything except watching her falling right in front of my eyes. Xiang Wei shouted, “Hui Ying, save Yinli” She is right in front of my eyes. I was about to go to the place she fall!!! I saw the sky. I saw the crack. I saw exactly how she falls. I saw her on the floor, holding her back and said pain. I was standing there with my cup, stunned. I couldn't do anything much.

Gosh. How scary was that. Luckily Yinli din't fall on the stove or the knife or hit the cabinet. Luckily, I was delayed five minutes by the biochem book on the table. Luckily she only suffer a bit of compression fracture on her 11th and 12th thoracic vertebrae. Luckily and luckily. That afternoon, it started to drizzle after it hadn't been raining for months.

That day itself, on the other part of the earth, eclipse happened. What a coincidence.

扫地老伯

“你好勤劳,天天在这里看到你。你一定很聪明的了。”
有关系吗?好像因为我笨才会天天看到你叻。
“没有啦。”我对他笑笑。怎么课室的地得天天扫的?不看到你才怪。
“你就好了。可以读书。我啊,只会看一点点而已。都不明白。小时候没有书读。。。”

无语。

妈每次都会酱说的。我都会说,“现在时代不同了。哪里还有人像你酱。古老。”可是,当我真正面对一个不是家人的外人,用一种很羡慕的眼神看着我的时候,我可真不知如何是好。唯一能做的只是笑笑不答。他也只不过需要一个人听他说话而已。

“可是我觉得你们读书很辛苦叻。要用脑很多。你一定很好的了。”

什么嘛。对阿,读书真的不容易。不是看童话故事叻。你以为那么容易吗?都说我笨才会天天留下来读书咯。如果真的那么好,我还会被人看小吗?也许因为我不好,才看到人心。好啦好啦,既然老伯你一定要觉得我好,我就好呗。也许,就,比上不足,比下有余吧。老伯你也不错嘛,扫地扫到挺干净的。

“很多东西做嘛。得赶完。所以得努力一点咯。”
“看你酱勤劳,祝你成功,做一个好医生。不干扰你了。”他拖着扫把,转身出门。

Thursday, July 16, 2009

New Title

I gradually losing myself... Do you think I changed a lot? Somehow, I found my perception changed. Maybe everyone never change. Maybe everyone is still the same. The only thing change is me. Ya.. My perception changed and everyone else in my brain changed. God damn it! What happen to me..

You know what, i think i am gonna separate my blog into two. Yup, like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. So... this blog shall be Mr. Hyde... Welcome to Mr Hyde World. This shall be fun... Enjoy the ride...

消失的灵魂

让文字取替言语。
让情感取替行动。
让我寻找迷失的自己
和那逐渐蒸发的灵魂。

沸腾

那句话,
刺入我心,
立即把讯息传入脑袋。
无法控制的,
心跳加快,
手开始颤抖,
血开始起哄,
起沸。

左脑不停的重复,
“慧莹,冷静。”
“慧莹,不能失控。”
“慧莹,要有修养。”
可是,理智管不着脾气,
左脑管不着右脑。
讯号越来越强,
一直冲到顶点,
沸腾。

像火山,
脱口而出。
“不去了。”
好一句潇洒,
足以衬托出霸气,
却显示不出心底的失望。
强烈的个性,
坚决地眼神,
更显示不出寂寞的决定。
我没有别意,
只是,
累了。

Monday, July 13, 2009

Whatever

I love medicine. Of course I do. How can I not love medicine? I wanna hold a brain in my hand, cut somebody up, remove something and able to see a man breathes on his own. I wanna save life. I wanna be a doctor and a surgeon (if my hands don’t shake so much). I love medicine. I love myself fully indulged in studying Guyton. Of course I love medicine. But why am I not enjoying every single moment I spend here?

Damn. Exam is near. I have no idea what kind of race or competition I am in. I am not a smart fella. The retention of memory in my hippocampus is very low. I wonder why and how Singapore picks me to be a scholar. I wonder why and how JPA pick me to be a scholar. I am nobody.
“ASEAN picks you because you are special on your own. You just don’t realize it.” Whatever, because in the end of the day, I will be here, cursing my life.

Every day, I walk to the canteen; sent my order, sit at one corner, looking back at myself. I was never alone until now. Why do have so much time thinking how pathetic I am? Where are my friends? Then I realize there is no such thing as friends in this faculty. Everyone is busy with their own business. Who cares about you? If I die on the road, I guess it will take a few days for my housemates to realize I wasn’t back.

What are friends for? In the end of the day, they talked good things to you because you promise good things back. Even people start to change. They do things they don’t wanna do. They smiled bitter. They praised and complement when they hates it so much. And start to call each other friends when they know anytime they will turn on their back. Everyone moves on their own motive. Dangerous and pathetic. Yet they are happy because of their “survival skill”, but I am not.

This is life and I am not fond of such pathetic-ness. And I am not going to smile when I don’t feel like it. I am not going to complement when I think it sucks. I am not going to say any good things just to make you happy and make you friends. Because I don’t need a friend like this. And does that make me a bad person for isolating myself, for not opening my heart, for not getting to close to anyone? No… definitely not. But certainly, it will make me a loner.

LOoooner… I hate my 5 years of study.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

5 Years

"you have to be a competance doctor.... reli perform it, not...bla bla bla" ... the doctor been going on and on on the competency things. ok ok... ya ya..

"you have ONLY 5 years to study..." you kidding me? Is that ONLY necessary? I can't wait to get my ass out of this.

But...change my perspective. That is something i don't usually hear...

Usually i would think "life is tough, so much things to study yet so little time. Can't wait to leave and can't wait to go out..."

Never have i thought that "so much things yet so little time, the only 5 years where someone is there to guide me will be over soon and, 5 years out of 70+ years is not a very long period." Dr. W said we will be going for our clinical exposure in 3rd year! Hurray! We can follow one physician and treat real patients in 3rd year!!! Isn' that GREAT?! Perfect.

Well... I will feel much better thinking that way.

But...

"OSCE list is out!" "ei.. you study this edi not?" OMG! So much to study yet so little time! Guess what, I am in group C for OSCE, same group with that Kean Seng and Yanyi. God damn it... Why must there be expert in my groups? So... within 5 minutes, that optimistic thinking got flush out of my mind. 5 Years..£$%^$@*

Monday, July 6, 2009

Chaos

Was chatting with my bro on MSN. Well... Yes... Life is indeed boring and shitlike. Not to be pessimistic, but, yes. Somehow, when you look back at your old life, they seems more lively than they were. Haha. I guess I should live at present and not turning back. But, look at me! I kept isolating myself in the library for no reason. Perhaps to keep my sanity, to keep myself awake, to clear my mind, to concentrate, to... i dun know. If you say, i did be more comfortable alone, you were wrong, coz i am not. I am lonely and i need friends. I need noises to chase that soul out of the dark. But, when someone was there to accompany me, I dodged and prefer solitude. Noise invites physical chaos, Solitude invites psychological chaos. Not much difference though. Chaos is still chaos. Perhaps I need the right noise to calm my unorganised mind. Just... the wrong noise always come in the way. It is still the same sound, same chaos. Everyday. I can't feel the warm, my friends.