Friday, March 27, 2009

A little bit too early

Somebody beside me is playing his music with his laptop. He shakes his head and sings loudly... "look at me, oh```oh```I want a way to hell". For a moment, I thought he was talking to me.
Ya ya... whatever. Damnnnn sweat...

I will be sitting for my fourth block exam soon. Urogenital system. Haha. Will you believe me if I said i just know what the hell is erection? I just know that penis will penetrate hymen during intercourse. I just know what hymen is. ok...
"lucky thing you study medicine" Haha... guess my friend was right though. I shouldn't be so naive. Haha.

This is not a very tough topic compare to previous blocks, but I guess I can't take it easy though. Anatomy tentament would be next week, and Block exam the week after next. Then, there goes my fourth block. Guess time passes really fast, not as slow as i imagine. Many people wants to enjoy their sweet time in university, but me, exception. I wanna work. I wanna run in the hospital, doing something i like, rather than stuck in this university. A few of my friends been complaining about the university. I never know what a medical school supposed to be, so I didn't complain that much. But, as much as i listen, yea... this place sucks bad.

A psychiatrist tells us how her resident year was like. Sound scary when every diagnose, i am on my own. I can ask no more. No lecturer beside me to tell me what kind of illness the patient suffer from. Will I know what to do then? Haha... guess I been worrying a little bit too early though.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

贴士

有个朋友谈了贴士的问题。想当年,贴士的确很红。说真的,我确实拿到好多好多的贴士。到头来,也不是需要读完整本书?没什么分别的。或许,贴士只是一个概念,好让自己知道得读些什么,有什么还没赶完。当有一大堆要读的时候,或许读书已不是一件乐趣,而是苦差。把家庭的荣誉,父母的期盼都放在学业上,有贴士,何尝不会让自己踏实一点。或许没有什么信心,贴士就伴我走呗。可是,它绝对帮不了多少。到头来,读书也得靠自己,回答也得靠自己。再怎么说,问题来来去去没有两样,就把贴士当练习,何乐而不为?难道要拒它于千里之外?

只是,以为这类的玩意儿小学中学应该玩厌了。真没想到大学也有人玩这类的东西,而且啊,还变本加厉。要说幼稚,还是怕输心态作祟,我无言以对。可能对他们来说,贴士若大家都有的话,它就不叫贴士吧。躲躲藏藏,真不知道要说无聊还是无趣。对我而言,拿贴士没错,把它当宝就有问题了。像子晶所言,小偷心态,的确有问题。

说真的,我真不明白考试有什么用。若医学没有考试,那该多好。医学本来就很有趣的,多了这么多考试,来探索百病的时间都拿去反复读课业上无趣的知识。为了只是考试,排名。怎么能够凭成绩判断一个好医生呢?那考试有什么用?只为督促不自立的学生读书?好无趣

如何是好

也许人是应该自私一点的。在这种人吃人的世界,人不为己,天诛地灭。好朋友说得一点也没错。为什么我到现在才明白?然而,酱下去,便注定一生寂寞。为人慷慨大方,却只会被人摆布。如何是好?

若不坚持己见,可能就不会有立足之地。然而当意见不合,再怎么坚持也是徒劳。得来的只是风言风雨。人言能改变思想,改变人格,改变世界。人言可畏,人言可畏。如此,我要做乌龟还是霸王?

主持公道还是息事宁人?路见不平而不拔刀相助的狮子座,我能办得到吗?办得到也不会心爽。拔刀相助,只会招来更大的问题,更大的误会。到头来,伤的只会是自己。应以自己为先,还是牺牲小我,完成大我?

如此,我应当做好人吗?还是顺水推舟?逆流只会伤痕累累,不如随环境改变。然而明知顺水会沉船,也得随之改变吗?

如此残酷的世界,原来是存在的。而我。我却只能一个人走。好寂寞,好孤单,好恐怖。神啊,指些明路吧!我真的好想逃,好想逃了。

PS: 告诉我应当如何?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

思维

朋友要去吃Gado Gado,我却没什么兴趣。独自骑着单车到我最喜欢的饭店,习惯性的叫了Mi Ayam 和逐渐爱上的Teh Botol。选了饭厅最角落的位置,静静的,让思维漫游。

远方的家人和朋友最近忙吗?近况还好吗?ET做Host做到怎样了?弟弟妹妹学业如何?在申请奖学金吗?YR选择要去哪里了吗?Tisu回马六甲吗? Emal们的前程有如何?紫云,思琳,Twins, Rachel, Rafika, Sheeja, ZX, SA, FY, CY,JH, ZQ, JX… 统统还好吗?学校的比赛进行得如何?想必各忙各的。有的忧虑大学的申请,有的还模糊的探索自己的喜好,有的读“人”读到蛮高兴,有的读法律,读医学,读工程,样样都有。大家分布全世界,有的早已失去联络。各烦各的。为男友烦,为人情世故恼。忙比赛,忙读书,也有在度假的。此时此刻,大家不停的运作。时间一直在走,哪有人像我酱有闲情。有种感觉自己在东京最繁忙的街上,人来人往,唯独我笑看人生。

最近独自的时间增加了。从九个人变四五个,其余自己搞定晚餐。午餐我都是自己一个人吃。大家时间表不一样,嗜好不一样,节目更不一样。笑看有的为人情烦,为男友烦,为家人,为学业,为未来,为屋子,为。。。自己也不是世间尘埃的一部分。人,真不简单。

Friday, March 20, 2009

Personal Quiz

Found this on facebook. Some interesting personal quiz... Well, I shall say, it looks pretty accurate though. Check this out!!!


http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success: You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

To my dear readers

Suddenly I realised people had been reading my blog. In fact, many people. Kinda funny why people wanna read my blog. I thought it was just something that only me will read.

Oh so swt.... Guess I would have to restrict myself from mentioning names in my blog in future to avoid misunderstanding. Hmm... Many people tells me that I sound depress in my words. Guess that's just me. Welcome to my world.

Btw, give me some comments after you drop by k...

想念去年的今天。
想念去年的每一天。

我固执的活在过去,对于现在没有抱太大的希望。明年又会想念今年的今天。

选择以决定中,反反复复,不时失去自我,失去理智。也不小心被人冠上欺负好友的臭名。变质的友情,连你我都渐渐接受。是时间冲淡了情,还是流言改变了想法?与朋友交,而不信乎?

是谁说成人的世界不能有朋友的?成人就不能想太多?成人就不能选择和有缘人交心?成人就不能逃避自己内心的挣扎?

人心不如蛇吞象。有过了却要求更多,自以为理所当然,却只是想太多。错过了,只能安慰自己说曾经拥有。都是自己追求完美。

如果真诚是一种伤害,我选择谎言;
如果谎言一种伤害,我选择沉默;
如果沉默是一种伤害,我选择离开。

我是好人。。。也许俊仪说的对,我得对自己好一点,不必做吃力不讨好的事。过去就让它过去,一切从新来过。就让风带走那不变的回忆,让脆弱的友情蒸发。有些缘是注定要失去的。 远方还有更值得我去珍惜的朋友。我已经无能为力了。

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

狮子座

  狮子座,一个博爱和充满阳光,能量的星座,其实狮子座的人很向往爱情,说白了就是狮子座的人最爱的是自己,他要让自己发光发热,获得别人的爱和崇敬,在这其中,他能够体会到这种来自他人的关爱而感到愉悦,于是,他就爱上了别人。。。
 狮子座的人很不愿意伤害别人,因为他的内心是善良和充满正义感的,他是重视原则的人,但是,如果他做了伤害别人的事情,即便出于面子他没有说什么,但是其实内心里他会真的好自责好内疚的,虽然别人看不到,但是他的确会好难过。
  狮子座的人,无论男女,都很容易陷入一份感情,但是热情来的很快,冷却的速度也快得
惊人。如果他可以对一份感情持续很长的时间,那么恭喜了,说明你真的很强势很有魅力,足以让他对你死心塌地,否则,狮子座这种内在没有安全感又很敏感 的动物,很可能从更有魅力和新鲜的事物上找温暖,因为,狮子座的我们看起来好坚强好阳光好乐观,但是骨子里面的不安感从未消退过,表面的自信只不过是保护 自己的盔甲,但并不是很真实。
  同时,狮子座的人也可以很绝情,不可能吃回头草,字典里没有'后悔'或者'回头'这两个词,因为狮子座的人很爱面子,自尊心比什么都重要,一旦放弃了 或者决定了,就不可能回过头去改变,狮子座的人也很怕被伤害。宁可错过一份感情,宁可放弃。宁可不要,也不会冒可能会被伤害的危险,因为太不值得,因为狮 子座的人太爱自己了。。。
 狮子座的人喜欢热闹,但是也很享受孤独,他可以把这两者之间搞得很平衡,他很喜欢跟朋友一起,疯狂的玩闹,成为一个party的主角,但是回到家里,他立马就可以变得异常安静,不喜欢被打扰,他需要自己的空间来思考,如果不给狮子这个空间,对他步步紧逼,
  那么他一定会抓狂,变得不可理喻,他还会离开你,因为在狮子的字典里,'自由'和'自我'这两词的比重几乎占据了全部。
  还有,狮子座的人很喜欢新鲜的,华丽的,有质感的,昂贵的,有品位的东西,他也喜欢
朴实,但是却不喜欢无聊和无趣,他害怕一成不变的枯燥,他害怕今天就能预见明天的可能性.
  狮子座的人有两种不同的倾向,一种是很喜欢天然的东西,不喜欢过多的修饰;另一类是
很喜欢奢华另类奇特的事物,更多是狮子座是两者兼有.
 狮子座的人很宽容,通常不会因为小事而斤斤计较,他们喜欢展现自己与众不同的仁慈心和获得尊重。对于过往的爱人,狮子座的人很少去探讨是谁的功过是非,无论当时对方有多伤害自己,但是过去了就过去了,狮子座的人不会去诅咒或者怨恨,因为他们喜欢向前看。狮子座的人相信,只要自己完美和努力,幸福就在前方,更美好的一定在等待着我们!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Helpless

I feel so helpless and miserable when...

1. I had to choose where to stay which determine my next four years here.

2. I had no idea what mistake I did.

3. People change.

4. Friends change.

5. I do not know what to expect for the rest of my life.

6. I hate my room, my life and myself.

7. there is so much of things to study in Head and neck...

Sorry Su-Ann, I copied some of your lines. Haha.

New phone...

Bought a new phone. Wait... let me check what phone is it... Nokia 5130 Xpress Music. Din't know what phone to buy actually. Hang out in Amplas with Yinli, check on the price, visit a few shops there... then redraw money from the bank, and bring the phone back. That's all. I bought it for 1.65 million. Rupiah of course. Not that expensive though.

Now I practically lost all my contact numbers and information. My Ex-Phone just refuse to supply me with information, perhaps unhappy with me having new assistant to replace him. So ppl, tell me who are you when you message me ya.

Friday, March 13, 2009

My Phone

My hand phone got degenerative disease. The end-call-key started to defunct a few weeks ago. I thought it can survive. But, gradually, the navigation key got infected. I had to press several times to reach my destination. Now, no matter how many times i tried, it still stay on the main menu page. Damn! Gradually and slowly, the enter-key and most of the key defunct. I had to find ways to do what I wanted to. Now, I can't even create a simple text message. Damn it!!!

The two year old phone is gonna leave me soon. I don't know how to find another phone to replace this. So sad. He was here with me for so long, from Singapore, to KTT, to Indonesia. Been through so many things together. Type message to fight with people, to thank people, to ask questions, to wake me up, to record great moment, so accompany me when I am bored, to be here and I thought I will be spending my five years here with it.... so sad this phone is leaving me. But I guess I can't do anything to stop it from turning away from me. Fate just happen.

I guess I won't be buying slide phone anymore. Vulnerable.

Homeless

Where should I stay? No idea. Been thinking a lot lately. Stuck in the middle of Jawa Island, I had no idea where I should head. Why did that small room pick me? Will I be lonely staying in the kost all by myself? I haven't make that booking yet. I couldn't do it. Imagine shifting away on April from my gang. I have no idea whether I can stand loneliness. Worry and worry. I couldn't stay in small rooms. I can't. And I think I am not looking back and accepting offer I had pushed away. So... the only way left is move ahead. GO BOOK THE KOST!!! But, I CAN'T!!! damn it!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Left d.... All.... Not a single one behind. Not a single one...